Page 66 of My Debacle with De Lorenzo

“Why? He seems like a nice guy, much nicer than any of the other guys I’ve seen you with.”

“Dylan doesn’t know what he wants and I’m tired of him going back and forth. I mean, is it really that hard to decide if he wants me or not?”

She’s quiet for a long while and her knee starts bouncing. She’s nervous to tell me something. “Yes,” she finally answers, and it’s so soft I barely hear it. “I think it would be very hard for him to decide.” She still seems to be apprehensive over my reaction but continues. “Isa, you’re my sister, and I love you, so what I’m about to say comes from a place of love. Your impulsiveness is your best and worst quality. It makes you fun and exciting and adventurous, but it also makes you volatile and unpredictable. You used to be the type of person where no one knew what was going to come next. There were always surprises with you, but now...the surprises aren’t good ones. Like getting that text from you last night was a very scary surprise. And I think Dylan sees glimpses of the fun and exciting side of you, but he can’t decide if he wants you because he doesn’t know what the next scary surprise is going to be. Can I be brutally honest with you?”

I nod. “Of course.”

“Your problem here is that you’re expecting Dylan to be like every other guy. And those guys don’t care if you’re drunk all the time because they only care about getting lucky. They don’t care aboutyou. You want him to accept something because that’s what other boys do, but he’s a good guy, Isa, and I don’t think he wants to stoop down to the level of a drunken hookup. Based on what he said last night, I think...I think he wants you to step up.”

I’ve never been hit with a baseball bat, but I imagine that it would feel just like that. The blow is both painful and excruciatingly enlightening. I do need to step up. Not for Dylan, forme. I’ve let myself slip into this pit of depression where I let my standards slide and I let guys treat me however they want. I traded my self-worth for a few cheap thrills hoping it would fill the void inside me, but the void is still there. The only one who can fill it is me.

I walk over to my sister, lean over the back of the chair, and hug her tight. “Thank you. I needed to hear that.” I slap a quick kiss on the cheek. “Now, please call Scott in before the food gets cold.”

“Okay, I need to get some mesh from the garage, anyway.”

She goes out to call him and she’s gone a very long time before they both come back inside. She’s in a weird mood when she sits down at the table, and I don’t know if they had an argument or something. We eat in silence, and the second Scott gets up to take the dirty plates to the kitchen, I shift my chair closer to hers.

“Did he say something to upset you?” I whisper. “Because if he did, I will?”

“No,” she replies quickly. “He...he actually helped me sell one of my sculptures for two thousand dollars.”

“What?!” My mouth drops open. “How...I mean, you know I think you’re talented, but two thousand dollars?”

“I know, right? Dylan’s cousin, Connor, bought it, and I feel like we ripped him off. He wants to buy more from me in the future, and I was thinking that if I start earning enough, you won’t have to work anymore and you can just...focus on you.”

This is why I love my sister. She could use that money to better herself, but she always puts our family first. “That would be amazing, Cat. And I’m so proud of you.” I reach over to hug her. “I’m just a little confused. This is good news, so why do you seem so sad about it?”

She shrugs. “It’s just...sculpting again is bittersweet for me because dad was such a big part of it. I’ve been thinking about him a lot today, and it’s like I miss him, but sculpting makes me feel alive again, you know. I don’t know if I should feel guilty for enjoying it without him.”

I squeeze her hand, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. This whole discussion is making me emotional because, for the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m reconnecting with her. “Don’t. You have every right to do what makes you happy and you have every right to allow yourself to feel that happiness.”

“Thanks, Isa.” She pulls me in for one more hug before we both stand up. “I’m gonna go help Scott clean the kitchen,” she says, reminding me that Scott is in our kitchen washing the dishes like he lives here. He’s way too comfortable at our house and he’s getting way too comfortable with Cat.

“I’ll do it,” I offer. “Go take a load off and relax.”

She smiles. “Thanks.”

She walks outside and I go straight into the kitchen. I grab the broom and sweep around him, thinking about how I want to approach this, and eventually, I just come right out and ask him directly.

“So, you got a little thing for my sister now?”

He stops with the dishes and turns to face me. “It’s bordering on a big thing.”

I stare at him, looking for any signs of insincerity, but it seems like he means it, and I wasn’t prepared for that. I was prepared to go all in, guns blazing because I expected him to say something along the lines of it’s nothing serious, they’re just flirting or fooling around, so I’m speechless for a moment. But he’s not a nice guy and Cat doesn’t need any more heartbreak.

“We’ve been through a lot, Scott.”

“I know.”

“And you’ve hurt her so much already.”

“I know that, too.”

“You’re just a rich fuckboy. You have nothing else to offer. You can’t give her what she needs.”

“Can I at least try?”

Again, this stuns me, and I’m not sure how to react. “I don’t trust you.”

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