Page 52 of My Debacle with De Lorenzo

He unlocks the store, and I walk to the restroom inside the mall. I find an empty stall and drop down onto the closed toilet seat. Taking a deep breath, I try to exhale the hurt caused by just a few callous comments. Words generally don’t have power over me, but I guess it’s the honesty and truth in those words that hurt so much. I’m so stupid. I’m stupid for liking him. I’m stupid for wanting something more when he made it clear he didn’t. I’m stupid for thinking he was different.

Tough pill to swallow, but today Dylan proved all men are the same. He, too, only sees me for one thing. He told me he just wants his ten minutes, and then I can go off and screw some other guy. How could he kiss me, then say something like that right after? He kissed me like he wanted me more than his next breath and then he tells me he doesn’t want anything more. In a sea of mixed messages, I got that one loud and clear. I’m not going to be stupid anymore. This is where I draw the line with him. I’m done being the fool in this equation. I’m done with his bullshit. I’m just done!

8. Dylan

October 26, 2018

Well, I did say shewas my anchor, and she’s sure as hell holding me down in this moment. I haven’t been able to escape it. It’s all I’ve been able to think about. The softness of her lips and her husky voice moaning my name. I can’t get her out of my head. She’s infused herself into my memory to the point where I can smell toffee and vanilla every time I fucking breathe. I can feel her. I can taste her. Talk about being held down in the moment.

I’m trapped in it, trapped in a time warp where my mind keeps replaying that kiss...and then what happened after. I see it in slow motion. The way my words knocked the wind out of her, and she actually stopped breathing for a second. The way she tried to blink back the tears that filled in her eyes. That moment haunted me then. It’s haunting me now.

Time may have moved past that moment, but the energy it created has remained static. She’s still pissed. Yesterday she walked out of the bathroom at 7:28. Not one word said. Not one look in my direction. She just ignored me and marched straight to class.

Now, I can admit that I was a dick. I shouldn’t have kissed her. I shouldn’t have said what I said. But she turned it into something else entirely. I’m supposed to be the running back here, but she sure showed me a thing. She has skills Coach Callahan would be proud of. After stripping my words of all context, she latched onto them for dear life and then just ran with that false narrative all the way to the fucking end zone.

---