Page 49 of My Debacle with De Lorenzo

The hand behind my head weaves its way into my curls. Gripping my hair, he tilts my head back and then his mouth leaves a moist path as it travels down my neck. The searing scrape of his teeth on my skin is followed by the languid lick of his tongue. My body is confused and overheating, my breaths are staggered, and I’m left wondering if I’m even on the right block. Nothing seems familiar to me anymore. I have never felt anything like this.

Another moan is coaxed out of me. “Dylan...”

His cock twitches against me, hard and eager. My hips shift automatically in response, and he immediately steps back. “Fuck.” Clenching his hand, he lightly thumps his fist against the side of the stall the same way he did earlier. “You, uh, you shouldn’t moan my name like that.” His cheeks redden and his lips quirk up in a way that makes my panties melt. “It...sort of...it, um...wow...Just don’t do it.” Those lucid brown eyes remain locked on mine as he rubs his fingers over his mouth again.

I cross my arms over my chest, staring at him as if that might give me answers to his unreadable behavior. “You’re looking at me like you want to kiss me again.”

“I do...but I also...don’twant to kiss you again.”

Ah, great. The definitive answer I was looking for. This boy is going to make me lose my mind. He is so distant and detached, but then he’s also so caring and attentive, and I can’t deal with these mixed messages anymore. With a heavy sigh, I open the door and walk out of the stall. I sling my bag over my shoulder, but I don’t exit the bathroom. He said he wanted this to stay in the bathroom and I agreed, so I need to clear this up before we leave.

“I want to know exactly what’s going on here.” I hear the irritation in my voice and try to clamp down my emotions before they get the better of me. “Can you just be straight with me?”

“I’m always straight with you.”

“You need to look up the definition of straight because you are taking me around in circles. You say you’re not interested, but then you take me out on a date.”

“It wasn’t a date.”

“It was!” Again, I take a second to stop my temper from rising. “You sayIoverstepped a boundary, but then you go andkissme. You kiss me the way you did in there and then you say you don’t want to do it again. You want us to leave here and never talk about this again, just pretend it never happened, correct?”

He nods. “Yes.”

I’m not sure why that confirmation stings with the sharpness of a thousand bullet ants. It shouldn’t because I was expecting it, but knowing it was coming did nothing to soften the impact. Maybe it’s because he’s so indifferent about this whole thing. “So, why did you kiss me in the first place?”

“I literally could not stop myself. Bella, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since Saturday. Then I come in here and see you looking...the way you’re looking...and then I got a taste of your lips...I’m sorry. Logic took a backseat. I couldn’t?”

That matter-of-fact monotone is frustrating the hell out of me, and it carries in my voice when I cut him off. “See that? That right there is what I’m talking about. You tell me shit like that, but in the same breath, you tell me you don’t wantanythingmore.”

“I don’t.”

My nail file. My cuticle trimmer. I could even get it right with my fine point pen if I really tried. I mentally take stock of every sharp object in my bag because I’m about ready to stab this motherfucker.

“God, you are so...” I leave the sentence hanging in the air because I can’t find the right word to express my exasperation. I grip my hair, almost pulling the strands out at the roots.

“I don’t want to lose this.” He gestures between the two of us. “This– what we have – I don’t want to lose it. And I messed up by kissing you. That sort of...complicated things. I knew before I did it that I’d end up regretting it and I do because I hate that we’re fighting about this now. But I take responsibility. That one was on me. It was stupid and impulsive, and I shouldn’t have done that. Can we...just forget about it? Reinstate how things are supposed to be and go on as usual because I really don’t want to lose this...thingwe have.”

“And what exactly do we have? Am I your friend?”

“No.”

Well, that stung worse than a thousand bullet ants. My breath catches as my throat constricts. “Just a flirt buddy, then? A quick ten minutes at your locker every morning, then not a thought spared afterward.”

“No, Bella. You’re...you’re like my anchor. You just hold me down in the moment. We spoke for hours on Saturday, and my mind didn’t drift once. That doesn’t happen with anyone else.”

Confusion draws my eyebrows together. “Do you have ADD or something?”

“No.”

“Then what are you talking about?”

“Nothing.” He rakes a heavy hand through his hair. “All I’m saying is that...this means a lot to me. It’s important to me and I don’t want to lose that. It’s not worth it to jeopardize that for a quick hookup in the bathroom.”

I place my hands on my hips and glare at him, waiting for him to make the connection and when he doesn’t, I join the dots for him. “And yet you kissed me, De Lorenzo!”

He’s getting frustrated now, too. It’s evident in the way his breathing elevates and his hands curl into fists. I was right. Anger is the emotion he finds difficult to hide. “Yeah, I kissed you and it was amazing, and trust me, I want more...a lot more. But that’s not going to happen because I want to keep my life drama-free. I don’t want all the other shit that comes after the bell rings. I don’t want trouble. I don’t want to be hitting guys in the face. I don’t want to be constantly worrying about you because you’re drunk all the time. I just want my ten minutes a day and then you can go off and screw whoever the hell you like. Have your meaningless hookups with your fling of the week and you can bethatguy’s problem.”

My heart sinks and my stomach twists into a painful knot. There’s a term for that. Gut-wrenching. That was a gut-wrenching lower than low blow he just delivered, and I am spinning from it. All I can do is gape, blinking rapidly as I try to absorb the shock. Those words were so callous, and I never expected that from him.

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