Page 38 of My Debacle with De Lorenzo

“I’m not,” she argues with a small giggle. “He was so cute about it; I can’t even be mad. And I understand why he doesn’t want to get involved with me. I’m no one’s dream girl, but he made me realize that I am going to grow old alone...and that hurts. This might surprise you, but hos are people. We have feelings, too.”

“Yeah, but they’re all in your vagina, so no one takes them seriously.”

She giggles again. “I have approximately six feelings that aren’t in my vagina.”

“And all of them are a raging mess for Dylan De Lorenzo.”

“Correct. He just confuses me. The thing is...he may not want me as a girlfriend but I’m pretty sure he still wants...something, so I’ve decided that I’m giving him five more pussy-throbs to make a move and then I’m friend-zoning him.”

“Why haven’t you friend-zoned him already?”

She doesn’t answer the question and sighs instead. “Geez, Tommy, where is this guy? It’s closing time already.”

“Why don’t you go see if he needs help?”

“You go. This is supposed to be my weekend off. I’m only here because Al had a funeral to attend. This is technicallyyourshift.”

“I’ve dealt with every single customer today?”

“Ugh! Arguing solves nothing. I’ll just do it.” She comes from around the corner into the aisle and freezes when she sees me.

Her breath hitches.

My breath stops.

Her eyes widen.

My eyes eat her up.

She gasps.

I smile. “Hi.”

“Fuck. My. Life!” And then she dashes out again. “It’s Dylan!” she whisper-shouts.

“What? Here?” he whispers back.

“Yes! And I don’t have any makeup on.” Her sultry demeanor is usually well composed, and nothing ever flusters her, so I’m sort of flattered that she’s in a state of panic over my presence. “Shit, where’s my phone? I need to see how bad it is.”

“You look fine, Izzy.”

“Look at this zit. Look at it! It’s the size of Kilimanjaro. Shit! I can’t find my concealer.”

“It’s really not that bad.”

“Are you sure? And how are my boobs?”

“Left one needs a bit of perking up...No, to the other side...Here, let me do it.”

That sort of makes me question the boundaries of their friendship because...is he touching her boobs right now? I’m not sure how to react, but I reason with myself to remain calm. Tommy said there was nothing to be jealous about, so I’m going to try to take his word on that.

I walk out of the aisle and turn left toward the check-out counter, but all I find is Tommy standing alone there. “Hi, Tom.”

“Hey, Dylan. I didn’t know you were here. What a surprise.”

We exchange amused smiles. “Is she...” I point to behind the counter, and he nods.

I place my forearms on the counter and leverage myself until I’m able to look over the other side. She’s crouched on the floor, rummaging through her bag, but stops to look up at me when my head comes over.

---