Page 132 of My Debacle with De Lorenzo

I turn and walk down the stairs.

“Fuck!” I hear another thump against the wall. “Bella.”

I ignore him and continue walking.

“Bella, wait.” Hasty footsteps come hurtling down the stairs behind me. He catches my arm before I reach his bedroom door and quickly steps in front of me to block my path. “I’m sorry.”

I cross my arms over my chest. “Please move. You asked me to leave. I’m leaving.”

“I’m sorry. That was such a dick thing to say. That was just...me lashing out. That’s why I don’t want...to be around anyone when I’m like this because I snap...I snap so easily. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

“Yeah, you did because you don’t want to share personal details of your life with me. You enjoy having me around for all the fun stuff, but the deep emotional stuff – no, you’re saving that for girlfriend material.”

That comment wounds him because he physically flinches as if it hurts. “Ah, Bella, c’mon. You know I love you. I shouldn’t have said that. I was just...being a jerk. I’m not...I’m not a tough guy. I-I don’t handle certain situations well. When things get hard for me, I tap out...I tap out and I shut off...and I just need a few days to get my head right, and then I’m fine. I didn’t mean what I said. It was a really...rough week, and I’m sorry for taking that out on you.”

I feel so helpless watching him because it seems like he’s in so much pain, but I don’t know what’s causing it. “Dylan, what’s going on with you? What do you mean when things get hard? Why do you tap out?”

He takes my wrists and pulls my arms around his neck, dropping his forehead against mine. “One day, I’m going to tell you, and this little air pocket of mine is going to disappear. One day, I’m going to open the door to let all the water in and it’s going to wash away this fantasy life that I’ve built on the surface...and all that will be left is the reality underneath it. One day, you’re gonna know the truth and this dynamic we have isn’t gonna be the same.” He runs a hand down his face, taking a deep breath to recompose himself. Tight jaw, trembling hands, and his voice is so shaky when he speaks. All of it shows that he’s trying to do everything he can to keep it together. “That’s...that’s a lot for me to lose on one day. I’m, uh, I’m coming out of a really shitty week, so, um, I’m asking you...I’m begging you...to please not let that day be today.”

These secrets are driving me crazy, but one look at the inconsolable anguish on his face, and I cave almost immediately. “Okay.”

18. Dylan

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