Page 119 of My Debacle with De Lorenzo

“Morning, sweetie. Yeah, he left about ten minutes ago.” She looks up from the pan of scrambled eggs on the stove. “You know it’s summer vacation, right? Why are you up so early?”

“We’re going to the movies. The girls want to drool over Chris Hemsworth, so we’re watching the newMen In Blackmovie today. Scott and I have been trying to delay it as long as possible, but this is the last week it’s playing, so it has to be today because tomorrow...” I shrug but she understands what needs to be filled in at the end of the sentence.

“Sounds great.” She spoons the eggs onto a plate. “Do you want to have breakfast before you go?”

“Nah, I’m not hungry. I’ll just grab lunch with Bella later.”

“Just lunch, or lunch and a dance-off?” she quips.

I chuckle. Last week, I had to go to the DMV, and because Bella is allergic to doing anything mundane, she decided to have a mini dance-off toHappyby Pharell Williams while we were waiting. We couldn’t just stand in line like everyone else. Of course not. It’s Bella. If she has access to an upbeat song, she’ll turn any situation into a party. She’ll find a way to incorporate music and fun into everything, and I’m not sure if it’s a good or bad thing that I always go along with it.

I can’t dance, so it was an awkward, awful mess of me doing the robot and her doing the sprinkler then I did the floss, and she did the running man, but then I slaughtered her with the Carlton, and she had no comeback. Mom always used to tell me that watching re-runs of theFresh Prince of Bel-Airwas a waste of time but look who’s laughing now. For a few short moments, I was a God amongst men and thankfully, someone ended up recording that and posting it online, so I’ll always have evidence of my victory.

“It was so bad,” she says with a giggle.

“Don’t be a hater, mom. We went viral. We got a hundred and twelve views on our video.”

My mother smiles, musing about something. “She’s good for you, Dylan. You’ve been...happythese last few months. Your grades have gotten better. You’re more focused. She’s really good for you.”

“Yeah, and I feel so stupid because I was trying to avoid getting involved with her. We’ve come a long way. I think we’re good for each other.”

Her smile fades slightly, becoming warier. “So...Dana’s coming home today. Why don’t you bring Isabella here after the movie and she can finally meet your sister?”

I don’t even consider it. “Nope.”

“Dylan, you have to tell her at some point.”

“It’s not going to be today.”

She goes into full-on mom mode, arms crossed and a stern expression on her face. “Your sister is always going to be your sister. You’ve been with Isabella for almost ten months now. If you want a long-term relationship with her, you’re going to have to tell her because this isn’t something you can keep hiding.”

This is not the first time she’s given me this lecture, so it’s not the first time I’m giving her my response. I try to bring my irritation down a notch before I answer. “This is working for me, mom. I know I have to tell her, and I will, but that’s only going to be on the day when I absolutely have to. What happens in this family isn’t normal. It’s been going on for a long time, so maybe sometimes it feels normal, but it’s.Not. Normal. I don’t want to bring Isabella into this. I want her to take me out...for as long as I can stretch it. I just want to be a normal kid who goes out with his friends and has fun with no worries...and when I come home later, I’ll be Dana’s big brother. I can be both, but those two aspects of my life don’t have to mix.”

She slowly shakes her head. “Dylan, you’re choosing to live in a fantasy instead of?”

“I want to live there!” The retort comes out louder than I intended. “And don’t pretend like you don’t enjoy living there, too. When you and Bella go out for spa days and get your nails done, or when you’re sitting after dinner talking with her while she braids your hair, you get to experience what it’s like to have a normal conversation with a teenage girl. That’s what you want, don’t you? Youlovethat. I want you to think about those moments...and then think about losing them.”

She looks down, enveloped in her rueful thoughts. “Telling Isabella the truth doesn’t mean we have to lose the normalcy that she brings.”

“You think so, huh? Just remember that the truth doesn’t die after one day. Once it’s out, it’s out. We can’t take it back. We can’t tell her and then forget about it. When she asks you how Dana’s doin’, you can’t say:Oh, she’s fine. She’s doin’ great at boarding school. You’re gonna have to tell her the truth. When she says:Lorraine, what happened? How’d you get those scratches on your arm?You’re gonna have to relive that moment and tell her the truth. And that will be after you’ve spent an entire week trying to get over it. You want to explain that to her, mom? You want to tell her why none of us sleep when Dana’s around? When you think about it, those aren’t discussions you want to have, am I right?”

She runs her hand over her face then covers her eyes to hide her tears because just the thought of talking about it is enough to make her change her stance on this issue.

“Don’t cry,” I warn. “We have rules in this house for a reason. We don’t cry because this shit didn’t happen to us. It happened toher. This isn’t even our story to tell. So, yeah, I have my own selfish reasons why I don’t want Bella to know, but at the end of the day, Dana should be the one to decide who she tells, not us. Her privacy has been violated in the worst way. We can’t betray her trust by telling Isabella without her knowledge or consent. Bella is important to me, but I won’t tell heranythingunless Dana gives me permission to. We can’t go around sharing secrets that aren’t ours to share.”

I’m pretty sure Dana would give me permission to tell Isabella the full truth about what happened because she knows how important Bella is to me but asking for that permission isn’t something I want to do. It will bring back too many painful memories, and I don’t want to do that to Dana, not after all she’s been through. Bella’s insistence to know comes second to protecting my sister and her privacy. I know it hurts Bella when I shut her out, but the pain it causes her is nowhere near the same magnitude of the pain Dana has endured. So, Bella will just have to live with a few secrets until Dana is in a better headspace to talk about all of this.

Even though her hand is over her eyes, tears are still running down my mom’s face. “You’re right. Dana should decide. We have no right to tell anyone.”

I walk over and kiss her on the cheek. “Pull your shit together, mom. Tonight is going to be hard, so you can’t be like this at eight o’clock in the morning already.”

She quickly wipes her face, then sucks in her cheeks to make that weird duck face. “Shit pulled, son.”

I smile. “I’ll see you later. Love ya.”

As soon as I jump into my car, I video call Bella. “Are you ready?” I ask the second she answers.

“Well, good morning to you, too. No need to be so tetchy this early. I’m ready.”

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