Page 13 of My Debacle with De Lorenzo

He nods and I head off to my next class. When the last bell rings, I am more than ready to get out of here, but I don’t have the luxury other kids have. I don’t get to go home and put my feet up, have Netflix playing in the background while I do my homework. No, I still have to go to work. Tommy is already waiting for me when I emerge from the building.

Tommy is sort of my supervisor, and he’s slowly becoming my best friend. He’s an eccentric mix of electric blue hair and everything that’s wrong in the world. Well, that’s according to his very reserved, very religious mother. She believes he’s the devil’s spawn because he’s bisexual, and she’s tried to convince him to go to the priest for an exorcism a few times to, you know, pray thegaynessaway. Because he swings both ways, she is of the opinion that he’s choosing to be so evil.

He’s also a college dropout who now works as the manager at Al’s Hardware Store. It wasn’t what she’d dreamed of for her baby boy, but Tommy doesn’t live on anyone else’s terms. He wants a stress-free life, and this job gives him that. He is probably the best and worst influence I could have in my life right now. On the one hand, he’s very pro following your dreams even if they don’t fit society’s norms, and on the other, he’s very much an advocate for the wholenot everyone has their shit together in high school and it’s okay to not know what to do. The problem with having someone like that in my life is that I don’t feel the pressure to do...anything. I’m not looking for colleges. I’m not researching what field I want to go into. I have no idea what I want to do after high school and Tommy makes me feel like that’s okay.

I’m almost at the car when Audrey grabs my arm and spins me around. Maybe if I wasn’t semi-drunk, I would’ve turned more gracefully, but I stumble a few steps before I face her. Two of her minions are with her, Shelby, and some other cheerleader. They all look the same to me, so I don’t bother with names. I only recognize Shelby because she was with Steven at the mall when he pretended like he didn’t know me. Shelby’s a little mousy, brown hair and big green eyes. Her innocence is written all over her face. She’s a keeper. I can see what Steven sees in her. She’s sickeningly pretty, but she’s not the one hissing at me at the moment, so my attention moves to the girl who’s gripping my arm.

I rip out of her hold. “What the hell, Audrey?”

Audrey tosses her auburn hair over her shoulder, then points her manicured finger right in my face. “Stay away from Josh!”

I roll my eyes because I really don’t have time for these childish antics. What are we? A bunch of twelve-year-olds fighting over boys? Besides, Josh is history. I’m surprised I even remember his name. “Fine. I’ll stay away from Josh.”

Thinking the issue is resolved, I try to walk away, but she grabs my arm again. “I mean it, slut. Josh and I are back together now...”

“I honestly could not care less.”

“...and I saw the way you were looking at him when he was talking to you yesterday.”

I’m too inebriated for this discussion. “Maybe you should ask yourself whyhewas talking tome.”

“He told me he was telling you to stay away from him.”

A sardonic laugh pops out of me. “I can assure you those words haveneverleft his mouth.”

She huffs at me. “Just stop trying to cause trouble between us. We’re happy now.”

I gasp my elation. “Why, that is cause for celebration. A royal feast shall be declared in your honor.” I look toward the car and put on my best old English accent. “Squire, we’ll be having a ball to celebrate the happiness of Lady Audrey and Sir Josh. Run into the fields at once and pick all the fucks I have planted, every one you can find.” I clap my hands to show urgency. “Run along now. I want to give them to her as a token of my explicit joy over their union, a blessing of sorts.”

And this is why Tommy is becoming my best friend because he gets out of the car and starts pacing over the grass behind me as if he is indeed searching. “But, your highness, this land is bare, it is barren!” He uses the same accent, and I can’t help but smile at his level of commitment.

“Oh, dear.” I turn back to the other girls, clasping my hands to my chest regretfully. “My deepest apologies, Lady Audrey. It appears I hath no fucks to give.”

“You’re a cunt,” she spits out.

I’m done with this, but Tommy is still in character and rushes up to me. “Majesty, the harvest was but a fortnight ago. Surely, you have saved at least one.”

“Oh, no, Squire, I gave my last fuck away this weekend passed...to a mere peasant boy named Steven.” I look at Shelby then and smile. “He wasbeggingfor it.”

“You are most magnanimous, Majesty.”

Anger flares in Shelby’s eyes, firing daggers at me. “Steven would never touch you.”

I don’t confirm or deny anything because I want to leave her in doubt. “Well, I must be off, but come next harvest, I will be sure to save plenty of fucks for all of you, the cream of the crop. You deserve the very best.” I hook my arm in Tommy’s. “Come along now, Squire. There is much to do.”

He makes a show of opening the car door for me and I wave to them like the Queen of England as he slowly drives away.

“The kit is in the back if you need it,” Tommy comments idly.

I drop my seat back and shut my eyes. “I don’t need it today.”

He drives his nine-year-old Camaro out of the gates. “I miss high school drama.”

“Then, why don’t we swap? I’ll stay at the store the whole day, and you can come to this overpriced shithole and deal with those bitches every day. The only good thing at this school is...Dylan.”

“Ah, your secret crush that is so secret not even you know about it.”

“Why do you keep saying that? I don’t have a crush on him. He’s just fun to talk to.”

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