Page 88 of My Debacle with De Lorenzo

“Yeah, sure.”

“If she does that again, just let her be weird. My sister is in boarding school, and my mom doesn’t get to have those kinds of talks as often as she’d like, so if you could indulge her weirdness for me, I’d appreciate that.”

“I don’t mind indulging her. She’s fun.”

She giggles because she doesn’t understand the depth of my mother’s loss. She doesn’t understand the desperate longing my mother feels knowing that her child is there, but she’s not really there. Dana is not who she used to be.

Bella doesn’t understand the power she has, not just over my mom, over me. I’ve noticed it for a while now, but I truly saw it today at the grocery store. She has this energy that sucks me in, this lively spirit that’s spilling over the dreariness of my life, and it’s addictive. She’s a walking addiction for a family torn apart because of addiction. I have to be so careful because she’s battling her own substance abuse problems and I can’t allow another person like that to get close to me. One is more than enough.

“So, you got your accent from your mom?” Bella asks, yanking me out of my thoughts.

“I don’t have an accent.Youhave an accent.”

“You most definitely have an accent. Is she from New York?”

“Yeah.”

“See?” She falls quiet and I can feel her eyes on me. “I’m just a little confused, though. If you want me to indulge her, that means your intention is for me to come over to your house again...and see your parents again...and that feels weird because you and I are not...”

“We’re not,” I confirm. “We’re not a couple. We’re not together. We’re not going to fall in love.”

“Okay. In context and given all related circumstances, none of what you just said makes any sense, but...okay. I’m just putting it out there that I’ve read about this time and time again in cliché romance novels.”

“You hate reading.”

“Dammit, De Lorenzo, I was trying to sound smart. Anyway, I’ve watched a number of movies, and scenarios like this never go according to plan. One of us is going to fuck up and fall in love.”

“It won’t be me.”

“It won’t beme. You’re the cheesy, sentimental one.”

“You’re the one who wants to have my babies. Need I remind you that you were falling for me and my flapping dongwaybefore any of this started?”

She sighs. “Shit, you’re right. It’s probably going to be me. And now that I’ve gotten a taste of your dong, I’m even more obsessed. Plus, you brought me lunch today, and then all of a sudden, I have nine feelings scurrying around.”

“Nine? Already? What a sap.”

“I know. Today was a bad day for feelings, but I hope it was a good day for you.”

I’m still two blocks away from her house, but I pull off on a quiet street because this needs to be said. I shift in my seat to face her, reaching over to take her hand. “Today was thebestday. You have no idea what you did for me today. You didn’t change the situation. You didn’t heal the wounds. I can’t explain what you did, but you turned that grocery store back into an ordinary grocery store, one that has chocolates and scrunchies and shopping carts. I saw, and Ifeltmore than just the parking lot today. I think I’m always going to be wary and careful, but you kinda dulled the panic and the anxiety. That might not seem like a lot, but I go to the store at least twice a week, and...and I needed that.”

“You’re wel?”

The sentence barely makes it out before my lips land on hers and I lose myself in her kiss. This is an odd predicament I’m in with Bella. I know I shouldn’t get emotionally attached, yet every second I spend with her, I get sucked in deeper. But that’s the problem with addictions, though. This arrangement we have isn’t going to last forever, and at some point, I know I have to give her up, but when the time comes, I don’t know if I’ll be able to.

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