Page 56 of My Debacle with De Lorenzo

“Slime the banana,” she taunts.

My face scrunches with disgust. “Stop.”

“Slam the ham.”

“Mom.”

“Last one.”

I shake my head. “No. I don’t want to hear anymore.”

“Last one, I promise...Take the beef bus into tuna town.”

“Thanks for that.” I deadpan. “I’m officially offallfood.”

The doorbell rings and I look from one to the other, then nod my head toward the wooden key hanging rack that has our family motto engraved in it. “Okay, let’s pull our shit together and, mom, please try to behave. We have company.” I walk through the foyer to open the front door and find Peter on the other side. He’s dressed like a fighter pilot, and his expression conveys his annoyance. “Hey, Pete. What are you doing here?”

“You skipped practice again, Dyl. Coach was pissed.”

“I figured. I’ll talk to him on Monday.”

“It’s bad enough we don’t have Scott. The team suffers without you. You can’t keep doing that, and if you are going to do it, at least have the courtesy to tell us you’re not gonna pitch. You just disappear without telling anyone.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I just had a lot on my mind today.”

He’s still irritated, but he doesn’t ask questions. Peter and Scott accept me as I am without requiring any explanations for my behavior. If they know I need space, they just leave me to do my thing. It’s how I’ve maintained a friendship with them for so long.

“Well, let’s take your mind off whatever’s troubling you. Go get changed. We’re going to Sean’s Halloween party.”

“I’m not in the mood for a party.”

“You’re going,” he states firmly.

I think about it, and I have two options. Sit here moping over Bella and worrying about my mom or go out and have fun like a normal teenager. I choose option two. “Fine. Is Scott going? We barely see him since he injured his shoulder.”

“Yeah, he’s going. He should be here by now. Let’s call him.”

I take my cell phone out of my back pocket and call him, putting it on speaker so we can both talk to him. “Hey, Scott.”

“What’s up, Dyl?”

“Are you going to Sean’s Halloween party tonight?”

“Nah, I’m tired and I’ve got a lot to think about. I just want to be alone.”

I guess I can understand why he’s kinda mopey. He broke up with Beth two weeks ago because they decided they were too young to settle down and they wanted to grow as individuals. Even though it was amicable (of course, it was. Beth is a level five), I think he’s still emotional about the whole thing because he’s been in a weird mood for weeks now.

“This breakup with Beth still got you down, huh?” I ask. “You guys were together for a long time, so it must be hard. I’m here if you need to talk.”

“Thanks, Dyl. You’re a great friend, but I think I’m just going to stay at home and nurse my broken heart.”

“Broken heart?” Peter cuts in abruptly. “Give me the phone.” He takes it from me. “Really, Scott?”

Scott bursts out laughing on the other side. “Pete! I didn’t know you were there.”

“Of course, you didn’t. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be trying to feed us this bullshit about a broken heart. Get the hell over here.”

I look at Peter, feeling like I’ve missed something. “Wait...So, he’s not distraught over his breakup with Beth?”

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