Page 126 of My Debacle with De Lorenzo

Dana tries to hide her embarrassment. “I didn’t have a crush on Charlie Preston.”

“You wrote him four love letters.”

“Remember, dad bought me that calligraphy set? I was just...practicing.”

“You made him a card for Valentine’s day.”

“It was a leap year.”

“And the year before?”

Her eyes meet mine and she can see I’m not backing down. “Okay, fine. I had a crush on him. He wassooocute. But deep down I accepted that it never would’ve worked. Can you imagine what Fluffy would’ve done to those hamsters?”

A heavy silence settles over the table, my parents and I exchanging wary glances. We never had a dog named Fluffy. Somewhere in her mind, she created this Labrador with thick golden fur. She talks about him constantly and we can’t seem to convince her that this dog doesn’t exist. She’s adamant that she used to play with him every day. She’s so protective of this imaginary dog that she gets violent whenever we try to tell her he’s not real. We’ve learned to just go along with it.

“Fluffy would have chewed the shit out of them,” mom quips. “In a way, he saved you, otherwise you’d be smelling like hamster poo, too.”

Apart from that minor hiccup, dinner ends on a high note. After helping clean up, Dana cons me into watchingMean Girls...again.

“You know I still follow these rules,” Dana comments idly halfway through the movie. “I wear pink on Wednesdays, jeans on Fridays, and I never wear a tank top two days in a row. Those rules keep me going because it’s something to look forward to each week. Sometimes I pretend to have a friend like Regina George. It’s lonely at...at...”

“Boarding school,” I fill in.

“Yeah...boarding school,” she replies, her eyes never leaving the screen.

I can sense her melancholy, so I reach over and tug on her arm, pulling her closer until she rests her head on my shoulder. We watch two more movies after that because I try to find any excuse to not go to bed, but eventually, she starts dozing off. I walk up with her to her room to make sure she gets into bed okay.

“Goodnight, Dana.”

“Don’t lock the door,” she calls out as I leave her room.

“There are no locks on the doors,” I remind her.

That settles her. “Okay...okay, goodnight, Dylan.”

“Love you, sis.”

The long corridor between her bedroom and mine is my parent’s way of trying to distance me from the chaos that happens at night. The loft area where my bed is situated was designed to keep me as far away as possible. But none of that works. When her piercing screams break the silence at two in the morning, I can still hear it. When her feet thump across the hardwood floors, then down the stairs, I can still hear it.

I take a deep breath before I leave my sanctuary and find my mom standing outside her bedroom. My dad is already downstairs at the front door, trying to get her away from it.

“Dylan, it’s okay,” mom says softly. “We can handle this. Go back to bed.”

She does this every time, and I know she’s just trying to protect me, but I can’t shut this off. I can’t sleep through it. This isourlife.

“Let me just have a little,” Dana pleads as my father gently leads her back to the staircase. “Just a little. I need it.”

“You don’t need it, baby.” He keeps a firm hold on her because she’s resisting every step, trying to pull out of his grasp. He signals my mother with his eyes. “Look, mom’s gonna make you some hot chocolate...” My mother takes the cue and is already running down the stairs to the kitchen. “...and I’ll sit with you until you fall asleep, okay?”

“Just give it to me!” Her high-pitched screams echo through the hall as they reach the top of the stairs. She grips onto my father’s shirt, shaking him. “I know you have it. Just give it to me. I need some. I need it now!”

We lose her at night. I don’t know if she’s awake or still dreaming, but her mind is not here. Wherever she is in her head, she’s trying so hard to escape and none of us can help her.

“You don’t need it.” He looks at me. “Can you take her to bed? She put the wrong key in the lock. I just want to check if it’s damaged. I’ll be back in a minute.”

“Sure.” I take her arm and lead her back into her bedroom.

“Please give me some. I only need a little bit. I know you have some.”

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