Page 44 of My Infatuation with Isabella

I know he’s nervous, and I know this is a serious matter, but I burst out laughing.

He slaps my arm. “Stop laughing. It’s not funny.”

“That’s your entire plan?” I ask between spurts of giggles.

“Yeah. A few quick blowjobs. We sign an NDA. We’ll be out of here in no time.” He starts massaging both sides of his Adam’s apple. “Just wanna make sure my throat is good to go. It needs to be open and ready to receive.”

I’m canning myself, almost falling off the chair.

“Would you quit laughing and take this seriously? Now, are you willing to take one for the team?”

“No! I’m not sucking any dick. Besides, I’m celibate now, remember?”

His head snaps sideways to glower at me. “You? Celibate? When two weeks ago you were ho-ing it up with your ex-boyfriend.”

My eyes widen. “I wasnotho-ing it up.”

“Then what would you call it?”

I think back to my encounter with Dylan, and I would call it an unrequited love type of cluster fuck. I would call it getting my heart broken all over again. I would call it watching the man of my dreams walk out of my life for a second time. But I definitely wouldn’t call it ho-ing it up. Okay, maybe I threw myself at him a little, but seeing him again...Man, oh, man, did I go through an emotional rollercoaster within the space of a few seconds. I was shocked. I was embarrassed because of the things he’d heard. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to slap him. Eventually, I settled on playing it cool with some mild provocation. I hadn’t initially intended for anything to be...sexual, but it ended up going that way because...Dayum!

If I thought Dylan was hot as a boy, he is utterly drool-worthy as a man. All chiseled pecs and sculpted arms. He still has those perfect cherry-red lips and that ruggedly gorgeous face. How was I supposed to resist that? I’m only human.

But all things considered, I still don’t know what to make of what happened that night. He told me I mean nothing to him, and I believe that. Sort of killed a piece of me when he said it, but nevertheless, I’ll survive. I’ve been functioning with just parts of a whole for years now. I’m sure I’ll be fine. It’s a little-known fact that heartbreak only takes about two or three years to wear off, and I’m growing old alone, so I’ve got some time to spare.

But it’s the other things he said, it’sallthe things he did, that’s making me doubt everything. He told me he wasn’t with Fran when he disappeared, but I know he was. He told me he would’ve chosen me, but I know he didn’t. He had the choice, and it wasn’t me. He abandoned me for three weeks to be withher...yet still I find myself wanting to believe him. The guy has got some mad deception skills because he said it with such conviction that part of me is now doubting what I saw with my own eyes.

If that wasn’t contradictory enough, he was all over me. And, yeah, I provoked him. I wasn’t just going to sit there while he attacked me for lying when he lied, too. He made it seem like he was so heartbroken by what I did, like my heart wasn’t a casualty of his behavior as well. So, I provoked him. I wanted to get under his skin, piss him off. But I was not expecting him to crawl on top of me and start taking my clothes off. He’s married!

The whole situation just confused me, and I’ve decided to stop analyzing it. Dylan has always loved my body, and I’m just going to put that encounter down as lust. He left that day, went back to his wife, and I haven’t heard from him since. He knows all my secrets and weaknesses now, and it doesn’t make the slightest difference to him. And I didn’t expect it to. He loves Fran. He always has. I’m just reading too much into the little things that slipped out during our conversation.

He said he came back from the worst ordeal of his life. That sort of made me wonder what really happened in those three weeks, and if I made the right decision to end it. After some pondering, I realized I was right. Whatever he was going through, Francesca was the one he wanted by his side during that time. She was the one he looked to for comfort because there was nothing of substance between us. As he said, I was just a ten-month fling. I need to stop being so pathetic and accept that ourflingwas just physical and nothing else. He wanted an escape, and he used me for a good time. I mean, right ‘til the very end, he still hadn’t referred to me as his girlfriendonce.

But then why did he say that no man would ever love me like he did? He wouldn’t come to see me if I meant nothing to him, right? And why did he look at me like he was dying to kiss me? Ugh! There I go again on my steam train of desperation, trying to grasp at anything that will validate that it wasn’t one-sided. It was! Dylan is the master of mixed messages, and I’m ashamed that I still get sucked into thinking he cares when he doesn’t. When will I ever learn? I’m just going to push it aside and not think about it.

“I would call it...an intense conversation,” I reply.

“You got half-naked with a married man. That’s a little more than intense. And if he’d gone further, you would’ve let him, so don’t talk shit about being celibate.”

“I wouldn’t have let him go further.”

He just gives me ayeah, rightface.

“Okay, maybe...I would’ve, but honestly, Tom, if you saw him now, you wouldn’t blame me.” I let out a sigh that sounds a little dreamy. “It was the way he kept looking at me that made me act stupid! And that mouth? I’ve beencravingto have his mouth on my body foryears.”

“Are you ready to admit it yet?”

“Fine. Truth? I would’ve let him fuck meanyway he wanted right there on that counter because I am a total ho for that dick.”

“Yeah, I know. You put thehoin home-wrecker. You put thewhorein whorrible.”

“Why are you hating on me? It’s fine ifIfall into temptation. I’m not the one who’s married. Why should I take responsibility for him being faithful or not? He should respect his own marriage.”

“That’s such a slutty thing to say. And if you’re capable of doing that, then you can take one for the team and help me suck a few dicks today.”

Another laugh pops out of me. “I’m not sucking anyth?”

I’m silenced when the door opens and three men walk in. Two are in suits, while the last one is more casual in a pair of jeans and a white shirt. One man in a suit sits down in front of us on the opposite side of the desk, while the other two walk across the room to sit on a couch on the side of us.

---