Page 41 of Unwrap Him

I move my kisses down his jaw into the crook of his neck, to smell him and treasure him, but also because I don’t know if I can look at him right now. This whole thing is throwing me for a loop.

When I finally lift myself up on shaky arms, I pull out of him slowly, buzzing head to toe at the sight of my cum dripping from his ass. He’s flushed all over, pale complexion the sweetest shade of pink. Glancing at his throat, I notice that there is a small purple mark there…

I left a hickey on him.

Fuck. I wasn’t supposed to do that.

I help him down from the counter, but when I go to release his hand, he holds mine tighter. There’s so much longing in his golden eyes, so much he clearly wants from me, and I just don’t know if it’s possible to give it to him.

My eyes fling to the window next to us, above the sink. One of our neighbors is out there, shoveling his driveway.

My heart lodges into my throat.

He never would have seen anything. It’s too far away. Plus, Jesse was lying on the counter, out of view of the window.

But even that trips me the fuck up.

What if the neighbors did see? What if anyone saw??

I’ve been raising this kid since he was two. I’m not supposed to fuck him. It’s like the number one rule.

Despite these new feelings spreading inside me, confusing me down to my core, it’s still wrong. It’s so wrong and no one could ever understand.

“Stop,” Jesse mumbles. I look up. “Please stop. I can see you shutting down… Freaking the fuck out over this. Please, James, don’t do this…”

I shake my head. “Jess… It’s so wrong, though. No matter how good it feels in the moment… the forbidden thing… It’s fucked up. We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“So it’s only hot to you because it’s forbidden?” His forehead lines in hurt.

“No… yes… I don’t fucking know.” I rub my eyes. “I have no idea what’s going on.”

“Well, I do,” he snaps. “I’ve been in love with you since I was like fourteen. I know it’s wrong. I know that… I’m not stupid. But it changes nothing.” He pulls me by my hand until I stumble into him, and he wraps his arms around my waist, holding me tight. “I don’t care what anyone else thinks…”

For just a moment, I mold myself to him. I hold him back and rest my chin on top of his head, letting how right this feels wash over me.

He’s been in love with me…?

Do I love him, too?

Do I want to be with him? Could I?

But my fear, my utter terror at what anyone in the fucking world would think about this, zips up my spine, and I break out into rampant chills.

I wriggle out of his hold. “It’s not just about what the world thinks, Jess. It’s about what I think… I know it’s not right.”

“How is this not right?” He hisses, eyes wide and shimmering sadness. “Explain it to me… Because it sure as fuck feels right when we’re together… doesn’t it??”

I nod solemnly. “But it doesn’t matter, Jesse. You said you’ve been in love with me since you were fourteen? Well guess what… I was your father then. I still am now, whether or not you’re an adult. Legal fucking documentation states that I’m your fucking father. Even if we don’t share blood, even if you don’t see it that way… It’s still the truth. I can’t… I can’t look past that.” I let out a breath, heavy with devastation. “Even if I want to.”

I despise the look on his face. It’s ridden with so many emotions, none of them good. Anger, frustration, sadness, guilt, shame… It’s all there, and it’s all awful.

“So you’re too afraid to say fuck you to society?” His voice quivers. “For me?”

“I… I don’t know if I can…”

My heart is sitting weighted in my gut, like a bowling ball. I watch Jesse’s eyes water as he reaches onto the floor, gathering his boxers and stepping into them fast.

“Well, then I guess it doesn’t fucking matter, does it?” He storms past me, and I’m dying.

I need to call after him. I need to tell him I’m sorry, and that I do love him… even if it doesn’t make sense.

But I can’t.

I don’t want to lose my son, and I don’t want to lose this new love before I even get to truly experience it…

But I just know I’ll end up losing both.

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