Page 133 of A Crown of Lies

“Already?” Kat grumbled. “It’s barely been two hours. We can’t stop every few hours, you know, or this is going to take forever.”

The baby, though, didn’t seem to care.

With a sigh, Kat slowed the horse to a walk and went digging around in the bag. He thought he could get everything out, change him, and feed him while they moved, but it proved impossible, so Kat had to stop. He rode to the shade of a lone tree and carefully dismounted, tying the horse to a low-hanging branch so she didn’t wander.

He lifted the sling and lowered the baby to the grass. It was still wet with dew. Kat mumbled a curse and lifted him again. It wasn’t easy, juggling a crying, kicking baby with the bag, and trying to lie out a blanket, especially exhausted as he was. He nearly dropped all three.

“You should be grateful, you know,” Kat grumbled. “I’m saving your life.”

He finally got it all sorted and put Aleks down, realizing he was facing anewproblem. The baby was in strange pajamas that he had no idea how to navigate. It took longer than he ever thought it would to find the little snaps that held everything together, and all Aleks did in that time was scream. It was a good thing no one was looking for them, or they’d have been able to track them by all the crying.

By the time Kat got the clothes off, and everything out that he needed, Aleks was red-faced and crying as if he were the one who’d had to struggle through it.

Kat paused halfway through getting the sopping wet diaper off. “If you piss on me, I swear I’ll leave you here for the bears to eat.” He didn’t think there were bears out there, and he wouldn’t leave a crying baby alone. He wasn’t heartless.

Probably.

He hurried through changing the diaper over to one of the dozen that Isaac had shoved in the bag. Aleks never stopped crying.

Kat sighed and turned his efforts toward preparing something for the boy to eat. Isaac’s instructions had seemed simple. Just boil the milk, add sugar and salt, and feed him. In reality, it was much more complicated. Kat had to build a fire, which meant gathering wood. The branches were all green and that would be smokey, so he used some twigs to get everything going.

They were closing in on nearly an hour at this first stop, and Kat was getting a headache from Aleks’s crying. He stopped a few times when he got his fist in his mouth long enough to suck on it, but that never lasted long. Babies apparently didn’t have very good control over their limbs, and he’d get upset and jerk his arm out of his mouth. Plus, his fist was just too big to fit into his mouth.

“Oh, gods below, just shut up!” Kat growled and lifted him into his lap, hoping that’d at least distract him.

Aleks turned his head and latched onto Kat’s pinky finger.

Kat flinched and started to pull away, but stopped.He’s quiet!The boy was still staring up at him with big blue eyes and a desperate, helpless expression, but at least he wasn’t screaming anymore, and it didn’t hurt.

Katyr sighed. “You won’t get anything out of that, you know. I’m doing the best I can, but I don’t have the right parts for this.”

Aleks made a small cooing sound, as if he agreed.

“Believe me,” Kat continued, poking the fire with a stick, “I don’t like this either. I’m sure you wish you were back in the castle, on your mother’s tit without a care in the world, but…” He trailed off, his heart clenching.

Your mother’s dead, he thought, but couldn’t say it. Words no child should have to hear.Your big brother killed her, and your father, and would’ve killed you too.

“How could anyone want to kill you? You’ve done nothing wrong, have you? Nothing but be born. Sometimes, that feels like a crime in this world, doesn’t it? Just the act of existing. It’ll only get worse if you’re a mage, you know.”

What sort of future would this boy have in such a world? He’d be hunted forever, always living in the shadow of a life he didn’t choose, the crime of being who he was. Kat could sympathize with that much. He’d been lucky enough to have an important name. Even if he’d suffered, his family never would have killed him, not if he wasuseful.

“But you’re not so lucky,” Kat continued. He lifted the clay pot and shook it gently in a circle, circulating the contents. It was probably warm enough. He opened the lid and scooped a few spoonfuls of sugar and one of salt into it. “Your big brother doesn’t care about anyone but himself. You’re going to need someone to look out for you until you’re all grown up. Someone strong and brave. Someone with a big enough heart to love you and protect you.”

Someone like Isaac.

Kat’s throat constricted at the thought.

He made sure the milk wasn’t hot enough to burn and poured it into the other little container Isaac had packed. It had a very narrow spout that the milk would only trickle out of.

He was so thoughtful, so gentle with you. Kat pulled his finger out of Aleks’s mouth and quickly replaced it with the spout.He’d be a good father. An amazing father.

Aleks made soft cooing sounds while he gulped down the milk as if he were starving, but he never stopped staring up at Kat. It was as if he somehow understood that they were stuck together, as if he could see straight into Katyr’s soul and knew that there was a part of him that didn’t mind this so much.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Kat whispered. “I’m not your father. I can’t be. I have no idea how to raise a child.”

Pressure closed around Kat’s finger, and he looked down to see Aleks had grabbed onto it, squeezing it with his tiny, delicate fingers.

“I can’t,” Kat continued. “You deserve someone better, Aleks. I come from a long line of terrible fathers, terrible people. It’s a good thing I’ll never get to pass on all my fucked-up genetics, and I shouldn’t be trusted with raising mushrooms, let alone a human. I’m not suited for it. Look at me. I’ve killed people. A lot of people! And I still can’t make it a week without nightmares. Imagine if you startled me when I was sleeping. I could hit you with a fireball. Then what? Do you know how terrible I’d feel if I set you on fire? I’d hate myself. No, you need to go to a good family of non-mages. Humans like you.”

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