Page 89 of All Roads Lead to You

A cooler of drinks had been brought out, Jim managing the distribution, while Cait was doing a roaring trade in cooked sausages wrapped in slices of bread and topped with tomato sauce—the kiwi version of a hotdog.

There was lots of laughter and much discussion about how to get the DVD player working with the projector, something that was clearly Levi’s territory since he was crouched in front of it, steadfastly ignoring all the suggestions called to him from various townsfolk.

Izzy, Indigo, and Beth were sitting on an old couch that Chase and Levi had carried out of HQ just for them, which had resulted in cries of “no fair,” to which Chase had merely responded that it was for Gus. No one minded Gus having a special seat, but it was noted that there seemed to be more than enough room for GusandIzzyandher friends as well.

It was all in good fun. Kiwis, Beth noted, enjoyed teasing people they liked; the more they liked you, the more they teased. In fact, judging from the way they teased her, Izzy, and Indigo, it must mean they were held inveryhigh esteem.

“So how are you feeling?” Izzy asked her companionably as the three of them sat together on the sofa. Gus had gone off to beg yet another sausage from Cait, while Indigo and Izzy were cradling cold shandies—half lemonade, half beer.

Beth stuck with the ginger beer that was apparently a Shirley special—good for morning sickness, Shirley had informed her sagely—and was finding it to be very, very good indeed.

“I’m okay,” she said. “Not feeling too bad. And…”—she raised her glass—“this helps.”

“Yeah, ginger’s great for nausea,” Indigo said. “But you know, what Izzy and I really want to know is how are you and Finn.”

Izzy frowned at Indigo. “Hey, I was going to work up to that.”

Indigo only shrugged. She had her knitting in her lap in a pile of blue wool and whatever it was didn’t appear to have grown appreciably given all the time she spent knitting it.

Beth wasn’t quite sure what to say to that. How were she and Finn? Good. On the surface. If you didn’t mention things like feelings. If you were fine with sex at night with an unbelievably sexy man who did sweet, caring things for you during the day. And if you didn’t care about what the future would hold or worry about how your heart was going to resist falling for said sexy man.

A man who insisted on shutting himself away and you out.

Izzy frowned. “I get the feeling things aren’t great?”

Beth had talked with Izzy and Indigo after the pregnancy/marriage announcement and had explained to them the nature of her relationship with Finn. She hadn’t thought pretending it was something it wasn’t was a good idea, so she’d been up front. No, they weren’t in love. Yes, they were sleeping together. Yes, they were still getting married. Yes, it was kind of weird.

The other two had seemed to sense it was a complicated situation and so hadn’t pressed her for answers or other explanations. She’d been grateful for that, since she hadn’t wanted to talk about it herself. But now…

Beth sighed and took a swallow of her ginger beer. She felt achy from the ride that morning, but the place that ached the most was her heart. She’d been up front with Finn about wanting to talk. About needing a road map for this marriage of theirs, and she had seen the reluctance in his dark eyes.

He didn’t want to talk about it, that was clear, and quite frankly it was starting to hurt. No, scratch that. It was already hurting. She’d been honest with him about her various issues, yet he didn’t talk about his. They’d chatted about his childhood, but he didn’t mention Sheri. He never visited the little cabin either, and every time she dropped a hint about having an outdoor bath, he changed the subject.

She didn’t want to demand things of him he wasn’t ready to give, but she didn’t want this to be the whole of their relationship either.

She…wanted more than that.

“No,” she said. “Not great.”

“Oh no,” Indigo murmured feelingly. “I’m sorry, Beth.”

“Why?” Izzy asked. “What’s going on? You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to, of course. I’m not going to push.”

“Oh, it’s okay. I could probably use some advice, to be honest.” She looked over the heads of the people sitting in front of them, over to where the tall figure that was Finn stood with Jim, helping hand out drinks. Gus was standing next to him eating her sausage and bread, and he was smiling down at her, his face lit up.

He was so handsome when he smiled like that, and it was clear he loved being with his niece. He’d love their child too, of that she had no doubt.

But he’ll never smile that way at you.

Pain hit her, a great throbbing ache. He did smile at her, but it was never like that. Never as if she was someone he loved being with.

Never as if she was someone he loved.

Oh, you idiot.

Yes. Yes, she was an idiot. She wanted to be someone Finn Kelly loved. And she knew why. She’d known for a week or so now yet hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it.

She was in love with him, that’s why.

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