Page 48 of Frozen Hearts and Death Magic

“How is waiting going to change anything?’

“Decisions are like wine. Some ideas need to ferment in our heads.”

She looked down. “You need several options to make a decision. Is it a decision when you don’t get to choose?”

“You can choose to wait.”

“I can choose to strengthen our kingdom, especially at a time when we might face scrutiny and criticism.”

He sighed. “That is true. But you don’t need to sacrifice your happiness, dear.”

“What am I sacrificing? Loneliness?” Or perhaps shame, shame for being deceived so easily. She wanted to wash that shame away, wash that awful feeling, forget Fel’s note. Saying yes to Venard could be the solution. Could be her salvation.

* * *

Naia’s planhad been to tell Fel everything—or at least as much as she could, but the words never came, the courage never came, and she was starting to rethink her decision.

Her twin was in her bedroom, as her father had ordered them to sleep in the same room, for security. Hopefully he would be fast asleep at dawn. Lying on an improvised bed on the floor, he stared at the ceiling. It pained her to see him with that hardened face and eyes.

“Fel?”

“Yes?”

I’m about to run away with a faewhile you’re here, broken-hearted. No, that sounded strange, and wasn’t even something she’d be able to say. “You do know you’re handsome, right?”

He sat up. “Oh, please. Spare me your pity and your words. I know what I look like.”

She looked down. “It’s just…”

“No, no. You’re starting to be dramatic like our father. He thinks it’s such a big deal. It’s not. I’m not an idiot, Naia. I don’t fall in love in one day. And I don’t care what a spoiled princess thinks of me. I don’t, Naia. So stop staring at me like that.”

She swallowed, hating to see the hardness in his face, hating that she’d make it all worse. “I know you’re strong, Fel. But I want you to know that whatever happens, you’ll always be my brother. I’ll always love you.”

He narrowed his eyes. “What’s going on?”

She shook her head. “Nothing.”

“Is it still your mysterious suitor, Naia? You need to be careful, you know? Men sometimes… they want… they trick you.”

Trick. Fae were renowned for that. She looked down. “I’m not doing anything. And there’s nobody.”

His intent green eyes on her were unnerving, and she feared he could see through her flimsy lies. But he just nodded and said, “That’s good to know.” He then lay down again. “At least I can have a restful sleep, knowing my sister is safe.” There was an edge of playfulness in his tone, but he was relaxed on his bed.

Naia lay down as well, planning on taking a short nap before waking up and getting ready to wait for River, but her fast-beating heart wouldn’t let her sleep. She feared going with River, but at the same time, was afraid that he wouldn’t be able to come to her room, or that Fel would get in her way. She wasn’t sure what terrified her more: the idea of going or staying. Then there were all her questions about the strange attack tonight. But that was one good reason to go, one good reason to take this opportunity. And then there was her worry about Fel, her fear that he would somehow get bitter and hardened like their father. No. Somewhat hardened, maybe, but there was no way her sweet brother would ever become bitter. Besides, whatever happened, she wasn’t intending on disappearing forever. She’d still come back and see her brother.

After a long time, Naia sat up. Fel’s steady, deep breath was the only sound in the room. She walked up to him to make sure he was sleeping, and indeed his eyes were closed. Asleep, his face was so soft and innocent, reminding her of the kid he’d once been, the brother who had grown up with her—and whom she was leaving.

The thought of going away like that, without even saying goodbye, hurt a lot more than she would have guessed. She wondered if he was really in danger because of his magic, and if she was protecting him in a way. But then, she couldn’t imagine what it would take to hurt him—unless they caught him like he was now: unguarded, vulnerable. The thought gave her shivers. But Fel wasn’t someone to bring his guard down and sleep where he was unprotected—or at least she hoped so.

Silently, she took a piece of paper and wrote a note for him, letting him know that she would miss him and that she loved him. She took another piece to write a note for her father. Words failed her. She didn’t want to apologize, didn’t want to explain herself. In the end, she just wrote that this was her choice and that she was safe, for him not to worry, and that this was perhaps her chance to do something that mattered. She should write some nice words too, but nothing came, and it wasn’t that she didn’t love her father. It was just that she was unsure what to write, unsure what to say.

While she didn’t want him to suffer because she left them, she wasn’t sure he’d ever tried to understand her, ever tried to look at things from her perspective. She felt as if she had a knot in her throat, full of things left unsaid, things she had swallowed, but they had been there for so long that they had petrified, and now they would never become words again. Naia took a deep breath. One good reason for leaving.

She took her suitcase and put some of her clothes inside. Was she supposed to pack before being taken to the underworld? Would she be allowed to bring anything with her?

Her stomach was fluttering and empty, as she grappled with the thought that perhaps she had agreed too easily, hadn’t even tried to bargain more, demand more conditions. In retrospect, that hadn’t been her brightest moment. But then perhaps the issue was that the idea of marrying River wasn’t loathsome. In a way, it meant freedom, possibility. And yet everything was odd and weird and she couldn’t help but feel that he was hiding a lot from her. That he was perhaps even tricking her. No. Trying to trick her. If he had any mischievous plans, she’d figure them out.

The sky was still black as she stared out the window. If she were to ever do this again, she would agree on a specific time. Dawn felt like an eternity between the pitch black of the night and the light blue of the early sky, a time that was ambiguous and amorphous. An eternity for her to wait and wonder, and even fear River had changed his mind. That was a bizarre realization that in fact she wanted to go, she wanted to get to know the underworld. She could still hear Fel’s steady breath when she noticed that familiar smell of fresh rain over leaves, the smell of roots and mushrooms and all the forest condensed in one place. She turned and saw River standing right behind her, closer than she imagined, more beautiful than she remembered, in his full fae form with horns and pointy ears.

---