I expected Reed to grab me again. It was a secret, shameful hope. Even if he had called after me, I would’ve kept walking, because I couldn’t give in. Reed didn’t say my name again, though. He didn’t call after me.
I walked out of the alley with stiff shoulders and tears running down my cheeks, leaving behind the boy I never should’ve fallen for.
The bleachers for the homecoming game were filling up fast, and though excitement coursed through everyone like they shared a consciousness, I couldn’t bring myself to tap into the energy. Tonight, of all nights, when my school spirit meter should be off the charts, that part of me felt totally empty.
“I can’t believe you missed the homecoming parade,” Rachel said as she nudged her elbow into my side, bouncing like a toddler who’d eaten three pixie sticks. “Madison’s and Jade’s dresses are todiefor. Seriously. Jade wore gold and Madison wore blue. Gorgeous, right?”
Nothing in her tone belied our fight from the night before. As if it didn’t happen at all. As if she couldn’t tell that her best friend was practically catatonic.
Since today was a half-day at school, Rachel and I didn’t have lunch together, which made it easier for me to stew in my feelings. A few hours ago, when Maisie had summoned us both to her house, she had seemed perfectly normal too. And it was easier for Rachel, apparently, to assume that everything was fine.
I would’ve been frustrated if I didn’t feel like someone had flicked the lights out inside my body. Everything felt dark.
“Hopefully Maisie ends up coming tonight,” she went on, slipping her hands into her pockets. “I know it’s not her thing, but it’s thehomecoming game.”
“Think about what she told us,” I said to Rachel, voice flat. “Would you want to come?”
The bomb Maisie had dropped still shook me to my core. For the past two weeks, she’d been tutoring Connor Bray in secret, and last night, they’dkissed. Kissed. Like, her lips touched the lips of the most popular boy in school. And yet…nothing came of it. It was one of those moments that I couldn’t possibly comprehend, especially the fact that he seemingly chose popularity over my best friend.
If I ever got him alone, we were going to havewords.
I’d done a good job at keeping up a happy face earlier, but it was getting harder and harder.
“Is Josh still going with you to homecoming?” Rachel asked, tilting her head to peer down at me.
“Going withus,” I corrected. “He’s coming with all of us.”
“Wait, why not as your date?”
“Because I don’t want him to be.” I squinted at the bobbing heads of people around us, all chattering away to pass the time. We had fifteen minutes until the game started, but we’d shown up early to snag the best seats. Front row in the student section. “Why didn’tyouask him?”
“Josh?” Her voice turned up with confusion. “Why would I ask Josh?”
“You were out walking with him Saturday night.”
From the corner of my eye, I saw her shoulders square as if she was about to go off to battle. “Did he tell you that?”
No, your father did. But she did confirm—itwastrue. “Who cares who told me? The fact is that you, my best friend, didn’t.”
Rachel forced her attention toward the field, losing all traces of her giddy, pixie stick-induced attitude from a moment ago. It was then that I realized it’d all been forced. She smoothed her palms down her bare knees, her skirt coming to her low thigh, but it was easy to see her goosebumps. “I guess neither of us has been fully honest lately.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“When are you going to tell me who you had your first kiss with?”
I stiffened, the suggestion causing my skin to crawl. I wanted to take the secret with me to my grave, especially after knowing for certain that Reed liked our kiss but didn’t end up liking me. Would I be able to lock it up? Shove it down, pretend it didn’t hurt like a knife to the heart? That’s what I did with my parents, and I ended up lashing out at both of them. If I kept this secret, would it be the unraveling of Rachel and I’s friendship? The end of us? “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” Rachel’s voice came out clipped. “Isn’tthatsomething you tell your best friend? Seeing as I was the one to find you a guy to kiss in the first place.”
“I never asked you to.”
“Rachel, Ava—hey.” Maisie walked up to us in the front row, looking a bit like how I felt. I couldn’t tell if she’d heard us bickering or if the chatter of everyone around us had drowned it out. She was probably the least decked out in spirit gear, though she did wear an old Bobcats sweatshirt that must’ve been her sister’s. “You guys snagged a front and center seat.”
“Sit with us,” Rachel encouraged, squeezing into the boy beside her to pat the bleacher. “We’ll make room.”
“That’s okay,” she said with a wave of her hand. “I think Jozie’s getting popcorn, and I’ll sit with her.” Something in my expression caught her attention. “You okay?”
“Of course I am.” My lips stretched into a smile. “It’s homecoming.”