Page 73 of Make Her Bleed
"Teigan… died … a long time ago," he explains.
My heart clenches. "I'm sorry." The words slip out before I can stop them.
"You shouldn't be … becauseIkilled her." Though the words should fill me with fear, I sense the guilt and hurt in his voice. He hates himself for what he did to her.
"What happened?" I ask, my heart clenching for him.
"Her dad was having an affair with my mom," he explains, his voice exhibiting strength. "I knew about it. It was impossible not to when he was always coming and going from this house."
"Thishouse?" I press and look around the room. This is his mom's house.
"Yes." He clears his throat before turning to me. "One day, Teigan and I were supposed to meet my mom for dinner in town, but I had football practice so I decided to stop here to change. As we were driving down the street, we saw her dad's car speeding away and he looked … strange. Disheveled appearance, his eyes slightly vacant … like he just did something horrible. We knew something was wrong so we hurried to the house. We went inside and found my mom dead on the floor."
Oh, no. His mom?
My eyes fill with unshed tears and my stomach tightens.
"She was stabbed twelve times. She had defensive wounds on her hands and arms. No forced entry," he explains like the narrator for a true crime documentary. "I knew she was dead when I saw her. Teigan's father killed her. We both knew it."
"That's horrible, but what does that have to do with what happened to Teigan?" I ask, afraid of his answer.
"My mom was the most important person in the world to me, but even she couldn't protect me from the darkness that always threatened to swallow me. Teigan knew about it and she usually helped. I'd go into these rages over nothing. Therapists said I had unresolved childhood trauma, but it didn't change the rages and blackouts."
I stand there, silent, watching and waiting for him to say it, my breath baiting as the clock ticks by.
"I was so angry. I tried to leave to go after her father, but she kept trying to stop me.Let the police handle it … He won't get away with this … You need to calm down before you do something you'll pay for with the rest of your life. She couldn't calm me down and it all backfired. I don't remember grabbing the knife, but I do remember stabbing her in the chest."
Pain fills my chest at his retelling, and I watch closely as he puts the picture back in the frame, sealing the side with my parents inside and out of view.
"There's nothing in my life that I regret other than what I did to her. She didn't deserve to die. Worst of all, she died because she cared about me, wanted to protect me from myself. After that, I decided there was no point in feeling anything ever again. If all you feel is pain, what do you need emotions for?"
Is he saying he shut off his emotions? Is that even possible? Maybe for a sociopath …
Is that what he is? A sociopath who blocked out his emotions?
"I doubt you came in here to ask me about Teigan though," he assesses quickly.
I came in here to yell at him, but now I just feel bad for him. I shouldn't though. He killed the girl who loved him enough that she put him above her personal safety. He could’ve killed me, too.
If he can block out his emotions, I can look past his pain and focus on my own.
"Why the hell did you do that to Rowe?" I yell, beyond frustrated.
He smirks at the quick subject change. I can't tell if he's amused or happy about it.
He blocked out his emotions. He can't be happy.
"I said it was what he earned. Did you miss that part?” he taunts.
"I did not sign up for that. You made him think I had some part in it! He's your fucking son and you attacked him. Have you lost all your goddamn humanity?"
He gives me an evil smirk. "Decades ago, princess."
"Let's get one thing straight, Kai. I am not a torture device for you to use against other people. You want to beat the hell out of me, rape me, embarrass me? Fine, but you leave Rowe and the others out of it," I warn him with as much venom as I can summon.
"Aw. Are you going soft on him?" He's trying to goat me, but he's about to get a good dose of reality.
"You would think having feelings for someone is going soft, wouldn't you? It's not though. Love isn't weakness. It's strength and I …" I trail off as the realization hits me like a train going the maximum speed. "I love him. I love Rowe, okay? So stay the fuck away from him."
