Page 58 of Biker's Baby

I knew I had to be subtle. I didn’t want to do anything that would push Iris away from me, but then, she seemed to also enjoy all the attention I was giving her. She leaned into the kisses, she brushed against me as much as she could, and she melted into me every time I held her in my arms.

She trusted me, and I wanted to assure her that she had every reason to do so. I never wanted her to doubt her safety ever. As long as I was around, she would be okay, and I told her so often.

But I also knew that I had to keep a barrier in place.

And it killed me.

It wasn’t Iris’s fault. In fact, the more I felt her reciprocating my own wants and emotions, the more I felt torn. I knew that there was more holding me back from being with her than just the fact she had refused to stay with me when she was living with me before.

There was something far bigger on the line, and if I were to choose to be with Iris and get myself kicked out of the club, then I knew I was giving up more than money.

And that killed me.

Most often, I would ignore the whispers in the back of my mind that told me this was a bad idea. But I knew I couldn’t ignore them forever. I could quiet them for a while, but it was only a matter of time before they crept up again.

The worst moments was before I fell asleep.

It didn’t matter if I was trying to get a few hours of sleep after work, or if I was going to bed for a normal eight hours. It was the silence in that time before sleep overtook me that I thought the most about my life and what I was doing.

There was the option to get out of this. I knew I could.

I knew I could call my father’s lawyer and tell him that I wanted him to fuck off. I could tell him that I wanted nothing to do with the inheritance, and he was free to do anything he wanted with it. Give it to my brothers. Burn it up in a fire pit. Give it to the cartel for all I cared.

If I did that, if I signed my way out of the inheritance, then I could face Tad and tell him that I didn’t want to be part of the MC anymore. I could have my reasons. I didn’t even care what they were. I didn’t care what Tad thought of me. I just knew that I would only have to deal with a short while of shame before I would be free to live the life I wanted to live.

I could take Iris and Tristan and we could move far away from here.

I could find a new job, and we could take care of each other. I fantasized about the life we would have together. The house we would have, the jobs we would have. Perhaps she would agree to marry me, and I would also have children with her.

The more I thought about it, the more I wanted it. The less I cared about the inheritance, and the less I cared about the MC and what I was supposed to do while I was here.

But there was one thing I couldn’t stop myself from caring about. No matter how hard I tried, there was still a major obstacle in my way, and I knew I would forever care about what they thought. No matter how badly I wanted it, I could never turn my back on them.

And that was the issue of my family.

My nine brothers never would accept the fact that I had fallen in love with this woman and wanted to live with her over getting the inheritance. They would scorn me for what I had done. They might even kick me out of the family.

And that was one thing I could never live with. Even with Iris, I knew that I was proud of my family name, and I couldn’t turn my back on them.

It was a struggle that tore me apart every single time I was alone with my thoughts. It haunted me. It kept me awake for hours when I should be getting what little sleep I could, and it only added to the stress I felt during the day.

But it was also something I could never talk about with Iris. I didn’t want her to feel like she was responsible for that kind of stress inside me, or that I would struggle to choose between her and something else that was important in my life.

She was my number one, but that didn’t free me to turn away from other things I loved.

I had no idea how I’d ever reconcile the two in my mind, and it was a struggle that became harder each and every day. I wanted to be with Iris, I wanted Tris. I also wanted my brothers.

How could I ever choose between the two?

---