Page 41 of Total Ship Show

I lean over to Adrienne, whispering in her ear.

“Is that a dick on the end of her cane?”

She nods. “Right? That’s what I thought it was too when I saw her yesterday. I think it is.”

“The things you see when you travel, right?”

She nudges me playfully. “It seems as though you attract a lot of dicks on your travels. Sparkly pink ones, flesh-colored wooden ones…”

I nod, impressed by her observation. “You might be right there. I’m a magnet for dicks, what can I say?”

“No, I think that’s what I’m supposed to say,” she jokes.

Oh, so true. She is definitely a magnet for my dick.

Not sure she would appreciate that kind of humor though, so I bite my tongue.

“Hey, girls, heyyyy!” Doug says with a wave. “Okay, so this super awesome scavenger hunt is pretty self-explanatory in terms of your list of requirements but let me go over a few things. In the app, you’ll see a list of ten requirements. Everyone’s lists are in different orders so you’re not trying to do the same thing all at one time around the ship. You are to do each step, in order, so you’ll all start with your first requirement. Once you’ve completed that step, you’ll take your picture or video and then upload it to the app and submit before you go on to the next one and so on. You’ll have two hours to complete your mission and the first three teams to finish and get back here will win a prize!” He does a little hop and claps his hands excitedly. Of course, we join him in the applause.

“The first-place winner will receive a two-hundred-and-fifty-dollar gift card for any and all shopping aboard the ship!”

Applause.

“The second-place winners will get two front-row seats to tonight’s Red Room performance!”

Applause.

“And the third-place winner will receive a pair of matching t-shirts just like these,” he says, gesturing to himself and Eduardo like they’re both models onThe Price is Right.

Gertrude taps Doug with her penis cane and says, “But tell ‘em about the last place team.”

“Oh, yeah,” Doug smirks. “The last place team can EAT A BAG OF DICKS!” Yep, he shouts that last part. “Literally! You’ll win a bag of chocolate dicks.”

“Mmm.” Adrienne smiles next to me. “I could eat a few dicks right now.”

My eyes nearly pop out of my sockets. “Excuse me?”

She laughs and then winks at me like what she said was akin to, ‘Yeah the Pope is Catholic.’

“I said what I said.” She shrugs and taps on her phone screen to open our list of requirements.

“Then I volunteer as tribute.”

Fuck, this girl might be the end of me.

In the best way.

Doug waves his hands in the air to get everyone’s attention. “Now before we start, I have one more rule!”

We all stop to listen. “Each couple must take turns in completing each task. So, whichever of you completes task number one, the other of you is charged with completing number two and so on. Okay? You’ve got this, bitches!”

Gertrude grabs the microphone from Doug’s hand and shouts, “GO FUCKERS! GET BUSY!”

“Okay, our first thing on the list isssss…” Adrienne scrolls up until she has the list ready. “Fake an orgasm in front of a group of people…must be at least ten people nearby.”

She looks up at me and I have a feeling she’s asking which one of us is going to accomplish the task.

“What’s number two? Then we can decide who does what?”

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