Page 19 of Total Ship Show

“That’s wonderful,” Mr. McElfry bellows. “I’m a biologist myself. What’s your specialty?”

“Beavers,” I answer.

Aris’s brothers chuckle but Aris chokes on his champagne and begins to cough. I pat him a few times on the back. “You okay?”

He nods gesturing to his throat. “Wrong hole.”

“Yeah, definitely too many holes in the human body huh?” I lean over and whisper, “Hard to know what goes in where.”

“Wow. Beavers? What made you choose to study beavers?” Aris’s other brother, Adam asks me, crossing his arms.

“Oh, they’re fascinating creatures, actually. They’re basically ecosystem engineers and studying their work ethic and the way they help our ecosystem by consistently revamping their habitats is amazingly fun to watch. And did you know they’re monogamous? Beavers actually mate for life. There aren’t many animals that live that way. I have mad respect for the beaver.”

Aris watches me. A playfully shocked expression on his face.

“You seem to have a strong knowledge of the subject.” Adam nods. “You could teach Aris a thing or two about beavers, I’m sure.”

“Oh, trust me. When he’s with me, he’s learning something new every day.”

Adam’s wife, Heather, smiles. “So how did you two meet?”

Aris starts. “Funny story actually she—”

“I was his patient first.” Whatever he was going to say, this will be way better.

“Oh, no.” Mrs. McElfry says. Her hand on her heart. “A surgical patient? What happened?”

“I fell down this small ravine into a creek while I was out working one day.”

“Oh, my Heavens,” she says. “Did you break a leg?”

I shake my head. “I wish that’s all it was, but I was not that lucky, was I babe?”

Aris shakes his head, not having a clue what I’m about to say next.

“Turns out when I fell, I sort of landed on my left side and this long pointy stick jutting out from the edge of the stream impaled my boob completely and then when I tried to move there was a snapping turtle right there that decided to try and feast on my nipple.”

Mrs. McElfry and Aris’s sisters-in-law gasp, but Aris’s brothers nod appreciatively.

Sick twisted medical-loving bastards.

Aiden’s wife, Cora, covers her mouth. Her eyes two huge orbs. “Oh, my God, Tayla! Were you not wearing clothes?”

Who goes to work in the woods naked?

I snicker. “Yeah, I was wearing a tank top. It was a hot muggy day.”

She covers her own chest with her hands. “That must’ve hurt like hell.”

“Oh yeah it did.” I nod emphatically. “I’m pretty sure I screamed more obscenities than I actually knew at the time. Anyway, I grabbed my cell phone from my back pocket and called nine-one-one and some nice people came to my rescue and an ambulance took me to Aris. And that’s how we met.”

“Aww,” Heather coos. “Love at first sight, huh?”

I shake my head again. “Actually no. I saw him in a bar about a month after my surgery. He was already pretty buzzed and referred to me as Turtle Tit Tayla. I had a spectacular laugh over it and said yes to a date when he asked. The rest is history.”

Aris shakes his head, and I can only imagine what he wishes he could say.

Score one for Turtle Tit Tayla…AKA Adrienne.

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