Page 3 of The Girl on Hallow's Eve

“Look, I know I’m not the authority on letting things go and accepting change so easily, but there are times when it’s just inevitable. And when there’s nothing that can be done about it, I don’t understand the point of pushing so hard. When all you’re doing is causing trouble and getting in people’s way, why do it?” he asks.

“Causing trouble and getting in people’s way has been how I’ve gotten through a good portion of my life. Particularly my career. That’s how it has to be done sometimes. Things don’t come as smoothly and easily to everyone as they’ve come to you. Sometimes, people have to fight. Some people have to fight far more than others and far more often. They fight more than they don’t. It’s how they survive. It’s how we survive,” I tell him. “You can’t know there’s nothing that can be done about something until you’ve tried to do something about it.”

“But what do they think they’re going to do by getting in the way of those machines? Or getting into screaming matches with the men there trying to do their jobs? Or going onto the construction site and destroying things? Do they think they’re actually going to accomplish something? Like the development company is going to hear them throwing a fit and decide, you know what, a group of good ol’ boys is upset so we should probably shut down this multi-million-dollar project and just put everything back where it came from. Has anyone seen those stalks of corn we pulled up?”

I’m genuinely surprised at Sam’s reaction to this situation.

“What’s actually bothering you?” I ask. “Because I know that you haven’t suddenly decided to channel your inner Walt Disney and embrace progress. You don’t like change. You never have. As long as I’ve known you, which is a very long time if you don’t remember, you’ve tried very hard to keep things the way they are.”

“That isn’t fair,” Sam defends himself.

“But it’s true. You like things how you’re familiar with them, the way they’ve always been. You have traditions for everything…”

“And you don’t? What about burning apple candles in September and pumpkin ones starting October first? Or hiding eggs for me on Easter every year? Or making chili on Super Bowl Sunday even though we both know you aren’t going to watch the game? Or not eating anything with peppermint in it until after Thanksgiving?”

I point at him. “That one is Xavier.”

“My point is, you like things to stay the way they are, too.”

I make an incredulous face at him. “Are you serious right now? Do you even realize who you’re talking to right now? When have I ever been able to have anything the same? In my entire life, when have I been comfortable? When have I had the luxury of just snuggling down in and having everything stay the same?”

“Right now,” Sam points out. “Since we got married. Since you came back to Sherwood.”

“I changed everything in my life to come here. I left my house, my office, the routine I’d gotten used to even though it was broken and fucked up.”

“So, that was when you were comfortable? Before you came here? Then I called you to ask for help on a case and ruined everything for you,” Sam says.

“No. I wasn’t comfortable then,” I tell him. “I’d spent my entire life running away from something and not knowing what. I never stayed in one place. I was missing huge chunks of my awareness and memories. The closest thing I had to consistency was the house my father bought and transferred into my name when he disappeared and the two friends I managed to hold onto. I spent every day of my life wondering what next disaster was waiting around the corner for me. When the next person I cared about was going to vanish or die, when the next morning was going to come when I woke up and had no idea where I was or why.Then you called and I came back here. I never thought I was going to do that. I never thought I would ever step foot in this town again. And I came back here for you.”

“You came back here for the little girl who had just been murdered and the other one who was missing,” Sam counters. “You didn’t want to come. I could hear it in your voice as soon as you realized it was me on the phone. And when I finally convinced you to come, the last thing you wanted to do was see me.”

“You know what? You’re right. That’s true. I didn’t want you to call me and I didn’t want you to see me because I had to draw that line in the sand. You know that. I’ve told you all of this. I spent my whole life getting pulled around and ending up in places where I didn’t know where I was or how I’d gotten there. My whole life has been about questions, but it was never with you. With you, there weren’t any questions and that scared the living hell out of me. Because I knew that I was never going to want to walk away from you if I got near you again. I knew coming back here, coming back to you, was coming home. I wasn’t comfortable before I came here. It wasn’t until I found my way back here, to this house, that I finally knew what that felt like.”

“To this house. Your grandparents’ house.”

“My house,” I correct him. “Our house.”

“That I moved into. I’d say that’s a hell of a willingness to adapt to change,” Sam points out.

“You still own your parents’ house!”

I didn’t mean to say that. Even as the words are coming out of my mouth, I’m wishing there was a way to collect them all out of the air and stop them from getting to him, but I can’t.

“How long have you been waiting to say that?” he asks with a short burst of bitter laughter.

The response stings and I take a second before responding.

“I never mention it. I don’t care if you want to keep it. I just really don’t understand why you are so angry about this mall situation. It isn’t like it’s causing you a lot of extra work. In fact, it’s almost like you’re mad that it’s not causing you more work. They’re trying to handle it without getting you and the department involved. Is that what’s bothering you? You want to be a part of it?” I ask.

Sam rolls his eyes. “You think I’m that desperate for attention and validation? That I’m upset because another department is dealing with a bunch of farmers who are throwing a fit over their land being used for a mall? That’s ridiculous.”

“Yeah, it is,” I say. “But it’s really the only thing I can think of that would make you act like this.”

“They just need to get it through their heads that things change. Things are changing all the time. Everywhere around us, things are changing and it’s not going to stop. Them throwing a fit and causing trouble for everyone else isn’t going to do anything but cost people time and money and just work themselves up even more. They could be spending this time focusing on making things better for themselves. Working on the land they have, finding the next thing they’re going to do. They aren’t going to make any difference by doing what they’re doing.”

“They’re making a difference to themselves. They’re making sure someone hears them. Even though it won’t stop this from happening and won’t make the mall go away, making as much noise as they can means someone is going to hear them. And maybe things will be different next time,” I reply. “They don’t have to sit by and let something devastating happen to them and just be silent about it. Doing that is just for the comfort of other people. Why should they have to worry themselves with how the people who are causing them so much pain feel?”

“Sometimes it’s just what you have to do,” Sam shrugs.

---