Page 17 of Chance

Chapter 5

Maisy

Seb takes me straight to his bedroom, and I halt at the door as I take in the memories that flood me. The room is the same as I remember, with pale-blue walls, a massive, dark-wooden bed, which is beyond comfortable, and dark-wooden wardrobes lined up on the one side. I look at his bed, and the second thought that goes through my mind is that there must have been a lot of girls in it with him. I’m still shocked how much the thought hurts, and I gasp, not being able to hide the pain on my face

Sebastian frowns at me. "What's wrong? I thought my room would be a quiet place for us to talk," he questions me, walking farther into the room and waiting for me to enter.

"It's not that. It’s just being in the same room you've had dozens of girls in makes me a little uncomfortable."I move away from the door and into the room to stand near him.

"I’ve never had a girl in my bed other than you. I used the guest room." He rubs the back of his neck with a blush at the statement, like he is a little embarrassed to tell me this. I can't help but tense a little at the mention of him being with other girls. I tell myself I need to move past this because I can’t be like this around my child, he will eventually find a long-term girlfriend. Why does that thought make me feel like my heart is breaking in two?

"I'm sorry, for the girls I mean. They never meant anything to me, just a way to try to forget you. I lost myself in parties, trying to be happy, but it never worked. I regret it all more than anything else in my fucking life, May,"he admits, watching me with a wary expression.

I don't say anything in reply because I'm not sure what to do, but I do go and sit on the side of his bed to show him I’m staying. His amazing smell surrounds me, and I want to lie in his bed forever. I think it would be weird to smell his pillows; I could blame it on being pregnant, I guess.

Sebastian sits next to me, after closing the door, and exhales before letting his head drop.We are close enough that I can feel his heat, but he doesn’t touch me.

"I'm going to talk, and I'm asking that you don't say anything until the end, please," Sebastian asks, adding the ‘please’ as a second thought. I look at his face, and it's filled with so much emotion that I can only nod.

"I never told you why I had bruises sometimes, or why I had to be with my brothers and come back with more fucking bruises. I didn't want you to be disappointed in me, and I lost you anyway without trying. I'm guessing you've heard of The Cage?” He waits for me to nod.

The Cage is well-known around here for being an underground fighting ring. It’s the town’s dirty little secret, and everyone knows they pay the police to look the other way. Some of my friends have been there, but I never wanted to go, even when they begged me, all of them saying I’d love it. The idea of watching people beat the crap out of each other doesn't appeal to me. And honestly, I stopped talking to my other friends as often afterward, only making time for Allie, who always agreed we shouldn’t go.

“Our dad trained us to fight there, as he was a partner. We are now paying off a debt because he tried to kill the other owner. We didn't stop him from trying to kill the boss, and we all have to fight a certain amount of fights to get out alive."

He stops, and I sit thinking over all of the times he was missing from school, or the bruises he’d have, and all of it makes sense now. I always thought they might be fighting in The Cage. I guess I was too scared to ask him. I think I ignored anything bad about Seb because I loved him so much. Seb continues after pausing.

"So, at sixteen, we all started fighting to clear our debt. That night you came over, well Luke had been in a fight. A bad one. I had to watch as the other guy broke Luke’s arm and stabbed him. The fight turned nasty, and I watched my once kind brother lose himself as he killed that guy.” I pull in a shocked breath as tears fill my eyes at the thought of poor Luke. To have been put in that position must have been awful.

“Watching my little brother get beat on, and knowing I couldn't stop it, well, it destroyed me, May. I listened to the hospital tell me all his injuries, and I lost it. Elliot had a party going when I got home, he didn't know how bad the fight was, but he did rush off to tell the others when I told him. I got drunk–beyond drunk, and I honestly was sitting there one minute and then she was on my lap a second later, kissing me.”

I flinch away from him as he tries to take my hand, but he continues talking despite my response.

“I thought it was you for a while, but I did realise when you called my name. I pushed her off before anything else happened. I passed out after that, trying to follow you, and, well, when I heard the message you left me saying it was over . . .” He glances at me with his eyes full of tears. “The thought that you saw me . . . I lost it, May. I went mad trying to find you for around two weeks, and then I gave up. I gave up on life and started partying to forget everything and everyone.” He moves a little closer to me.

“I started not caring about anything as my past controlled my future, and I thought I’d lost you forever. I did sleep with Elena. I think I was trying to get back at you, and I'm so fucking sorry for it," he says the end bit in tears, with his green eyes locking me in place.

I get up to pace, placing my hand on my stomach as my anger floods my mind. I knew he would have slept with Elena, but to learn he was drunk that first night, and that he thought she was me, is a lot to handle. I don't know how to feel about it. I can understand how much he must have felt guilty about Luke and how drunk he would have gotten. I've spent so long hating him for that, but I get it. It all makes sense with his past.

"How many times did you sleep with her?" I ask, sounding as bitter as I feel. I’m sure she destroyed my relationship, and I bet she wasn't even drunk that night. She took advantage of him and got what she wanted. It makes me feel sick.

"I don't think you want me to answer that. Would you look at me, May?"he asks.

"Don't call me that, Sebastian. Okay, so more than once? When was the last time?"I ask.

"Maybe it was a few weeks ago, and yes, more than once as she sort of stayed around. I don't know what else to say other than I'm sorry, and I honestly don't care about her. I never did. No girl I've been with mattered to me like you did, or do. I was just lost and looking for you in every girl,"he admits shakily.

I burst into tears. This is all too much to handle, and I turn away, not looking at him at all. I feel him wrap his arms around me and pull my back into his front as he hugs me. I eventually stop crying in his arms and turn to look up at him. Seb looks as devastated as I feel, with his own face shedding silent tears.

"I forgive you for that night. I tried so hard to hate you, but I never could. I tried to move on, and I never could," I tell him.

"Thank you. I don't deserve it, but, May, I–" he stops, looking at my mouth, and I can't help but be drawn to his.

Seb doesn’t wait as he captures my mouth in a deep kiss, which makes me melt into him as his dark taste fills my mouth. Seb always tastes like the best coffee you’ve ever had. The kiss deepens as I wrap my hands around his neck and play with his hair, while his hands roughly slide through mine. Seb runs his hands down to my ass, making me gasp, and he takes advantage of my surprise to kiss me deeper.

Was it like this when he kissed all those girls? When he kissed Elena. When he fucked her? The thoughts flood my mind as I try to relax into Seb. The problem is my heart is too hurt to let my body do that. I pull away sharply and take a few steps back while his eyes lock onto me like I’m his next meal. I raise a shaky hand between us.

"No, stop. I can't. I may forgive you for that night, but for Elena . . . I can't," I saybreathlessly.

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