Page 75 of Help Me Remember

“Joy for me,” Eric muttered but lapsed back into silence.

“Jesus. Why, Matt? Just tell me that much. Why?” Ana asked, putting her hands on her hips.

“Is anything I say going to make you feel better?”

“Not really, but I at least deserve to know what kind of person I’ve allowed in my life for the past few years. I let you meet my kids, Matt.”

“You know I was never good with money,” Patterson told her, rubbing his thigh anxiously. “Found myself in debt a little while back. Couldn’t get out. So it was either they take it out on me and probably my family, or I help them.”

“Define ‘a little while back’ for me,” she growled.

“Before we were partners.”

“Fucking hell. How much debt did you rack up that you needed to sell yourself to the Russian Mafia for years?”

Patterson gave her an empty smile. “We both know that once you’re in, no matter how you get in, you’re in for life. That’s how it works.”

“Pimped yourself out to save your own skin,” Ana retorted through clenched teeth. “You know, I always thought you were a little weird at times and distant, but I just thought you were moody. So were you a prick the whole time, or was that your conscience getting the better of you every time I treated you like a friend?”

“That is—” Patterson began and then stopped when one of the men behind him cleared his throat, muttering something I couldn’t make out. “Look, that’s not important. These two will be coming with us. That’s all there is to it.”

Eric snorted beside me. “Wow, he’s so low on the totem pole even the thugs are giving him orders.”

I watched the way Patterson flushed and snorted. “Actually, I’m pretty sure Thug One there just passed on a message from whoever’s in control right now.”

“You should know,” Patterson shot back. “Though I gotta be honest, I wasn’t expecting to find out the whole amnesia thing was real. Though if I were you, I’d be more nervous about the fact that Gabriel heard everything too.”

“Ah, right, the name I’ve heard a few times but always said by people scared shitless of him,” I said, looking over the group. “It should be interesting to put a face to the name finally.”

Patterson raised a brow. “You really don’t remember him? Or…anything?”

I shrugged. “Some things, but honestly? I’m not interested in talking to you.”

“Excuse me?” Patterson asked, his cheeks turning red again.

“You’re just the errand boy, sent to fetch someone else, and you’ll be sent away once the real business starts,” I told him with a one-shoulder shrug. “So let’s skip the part where you do a lot of talking or threat-making to make yourself feel a little more important than you actually are.”

Beside me, I heard Eric whistle, low and slow. “Wow, Ana wasn’t kidding. I’m starting to understand how you could be a little scary for some people…and mean.”

“What?” I asked him with a snort. “That’s all he is, and that’s all he’s going to be. At least the four meatheads with him are actually committed to what they’re doing, which is more than you can say about him. He’s here because he was too stupid not to get in debt to a crime family and then too cowardly to accept the consequences of his actions. Now he’s a kicked dog trying to snarl at someone he thinks he’s better than simply because he’s got his back up.”

“Wow,” Eric said again, nodding his head slowly and looking at Ana. “I swear to God, this is a whole new side of him I didn’t know existed.”

I didn’t blame Eric. It felt a little bizarre even to me to hear the entire speech come out of my mouth. On the one hand, it felt like a stranger speaking through me, and on the other, it felt familiar, like a mask I’d worn so often that I knew just how to wear it. Only now did I realize it was, at least in part, the little instinctual voice that had been guiding me from the moment I’d woken up with no memory.

Patterson’s face twisted into an ugly sneer. “Fine, have it your way, Riley. Since you’re so interested in meeting Gabriel again, let’s go.”

“Dylan,” Eric hissed, reaching out to grab my arm.

I gently pried his grip from my arm and pushed him back toward the table. “This was always going to end badly for me one way or another, Eric. Just…be good, okay? Be yourself.”

“Dylan, please,” Eric begged, eyes watering.

“Sorry I couldn’t be the person you thought I was,” I told him and began walking toward the group.

“Uh, no, he’s coming with us too,” Patterson said, pointing toward Eric.

“He’s no longer a part of this,” I said as I reached him. “Just leave them, and let’s get this over with.”

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