Page 73 of Help Me Remember

“Listen,” I said sharply, unwilling to hear whatever threat or point she had to make. “This can go easily, or it can go messily. Don’t mistake me. I want this to go easily. I want you to choose the easy route, not the messy one.”

“You don’t sound very convincing,” she said, her hand moving to her gun ever so slowly.

“No, I mean it. I don’t want a messy result. But no matter how much regret I might feel, it won’t be enough to stop me. And I’m only offering this because there’s something more important at stake.”

“I’m going to guess you aren’t talking about the truth being at stake or rightness,” she said with a snort.

“No. Here’s the offer. I give you everything. You personally take us into custody and hand us over to the feds right away.”

“That’s…not an offer. That’s what I was going to do anyway.”

“The offer is that I allow you to do that without any fuss. I’m not sure if you’ve been paying attention, but even in my dazed state, I’m quite good at surviving things I probably shouldn’t. I’ll try not to hurt you too badly, but in the heat of the moment, even the most skilled fighter can make a mistake. Even if you manage to get the better of me, I’ll destroy the evidence I have on me quickly, shouldn’t be hard. It’s flimsy plastic, and the ink in the notebook is strange. I suspect it washes away quickly in water. Even if I get arrested, I’ll do my best to implicate you as much as your partner and I suspect he’d probably sell you up the river too.”

Her eyes widened, and beside me Eric let out a low noise like a partially muted whistling kettle. “Is that so?”

“Yes,” I said simply.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Dylan,” Eric hissed, shoving me. “What the fuck are you doing? Just trying to rub salt in the wound that I was wrong? Are you trying to prove you’re a giant prick?”

I ignored him, keeping my eyes on her. “You understand then?”

“I get your threat, and I respect it,” she said slowly, looking me over. “I think I’m starting to see how you could strike enough fear into people to make them listen to you.”

“I don’t need your fear. I need you to listen to me,” I said, finally softening my voice. “Because in exchange for none of that happening, I need you personally to put Eric under protective custody. And when you report everything you learned from me today, you change it so Eric was lied to and unknowingly helped me because he thought he was helping a friend in danger from the Mafia and corrupt cops.”

“You…want me to lie on my reports?” she asked, shocked.

“To the FBI’s face, before a judge, in front of a jury, before God himself, if that’s what it takes,” I told her. “Otherwise, he’ll undoubtedly be punished for helping me.”

“He was helping you, despite knowing there was a chance you were something…unpleasant,” Ana said, though I didn’t know why she was being polite.

“I don’t care,” I told her simply. “Either you agree to help me lie to keep Eric safe and ensure he’s under protection, or I show you how dangerous I can really be.”

“Dylan, what the fuck are you doing?” Eric asked, now tugging at my shirt to get my attention.

I snapped my head to face him, knowing it was a bad idea to take my eyes off Ana before the deal was made or shattered, but he needed to understand. “I deserve whatever happens to me. I get that. But you don’t deserve to have your life ruined when your only crime was believing in someone you care about.”

“Dylan,” Eric whispered, pulling back slowly.

“Well?” I asked, snapping my head back toward Ana.

“Do you know what you’re asking me?” she asked, her hand still on her weapon but with a loosening grip.

I couldn’t help but think of the woman I must have loved in the past. I couldn’t remember much about our relationship or to what extent our lives were shared. What I did know was I had loved her, and she had died because of me. I had held her body, feeling the last of her life bleeding out.

I wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice, not with Eric.

“Deal or no deal?” I asked firmly.

Ana scoffed, shaking her head. “You really know how to drive a hard bargain.”

“Ana, wait,” Eric protested, probably sensing as I did that she’d already made up her mind.

“This is between her and me,” I told him.

“The fuck it is. This is me you’re talking about, what you’re going to do to me.”

“This is about my decisions not affecting you. So my life doesn’t ruin yours.”

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