Page 31 of Help Me Remember

“If you hadn’t gotten in the middle of things, he wouldn’t have been here. And if it hadn’t been for that, then that guy wouldn’t have shown up here…and if you hadn’t apparently been a part of whatever the hell they’re doing, then this wouldn’t have happened at all! Not them, not your interference, and probably not even you getting hurt,” Eric said, finally standing up to glare at me.

Not for the first time, and I suspected not the last either, I found myself at a complete loss as to what to say. What exactly could I say to defend myself when he was right? I had brought about every issue he’d listed, and there was no way I could deny it. What little anger I had died, and I let my taut shoulders sag forward.

“Look,” I said, shaking my head. “You’re right. If it hadn’t been for me, you wouldn’t have been in either of these situations. If you hadn’t tried to help me, none of this would have happened.”

Eric’s mouth opened and, to my surprise, he sat down slowly and heaved a heavy sigh. “I guess that’s one way to teach me the lesson that I shouldn’t be as open-handed as I try to be.”

The thought hadn’t even occurred to me, and a laugh was torn from me at the realization. “I guess that’s true.”

Eric raised a brow. “That’s funny to you, huh?”

“I mean, I hadn’t even thought to use me as a lesson, but if the opportunity presents itself,” I said with a chuckle.

“Which still doesn’t sound all that funny.”

“I dunno. Maybe when your whole world starts falling apart, you’re left with two choices, laugh or cry. Turns out I’m the laughing sort.”

Eric leaned back in his seat, shaking his head. “You never had much of a sense of humor before. So I guess it’s only fitting that I find out now you have a fucked up sense of humor.”

That only made me laugh all over again. My whole life was falling apart, and it felt like we kept finding even more flaws and cracks in the life I’d left behind. For all I knew, the person I had been before my injury would be disgusted with the person I was now, not that I could prove it. I had no real way of knowing how I’d behaved, what I’d believed, or what I would have done in any given situation. The only source of information I had about my life came from other people.

“So, what do we do?” Eric asked me, looking more tired than I’d seen him in the past few days.

“What do you mean?” I asked softly. “It sounded like you were pretty set on getting rid of me today.”

“I didn’t say that,” he said with a frown. “I said we’d figure things out today. After everything, I needed some time alone, in my own bed.”

“After everything, huh?” I asked, thinking of our near kiss.

Eric blinked owlishly at me for a few seconds before I saw a touch of pink flash onto his cheeks, and he scowled. “We found out, apparently, you were a big enough name that a boss of Los Muertos treated you with respect. And not just respect, but the kind no one shows unless the other person is bigger and badder. Is this really the time to talk about…whatever we almost did?”

“Well, it sounded like a happier subject than…this.”

“I think it would be better if we focused on the bigger problem,” Eric said, glancing away.

I couldn’t say I blamed him, but I couldn’t deny it stung a little to hear. I wasn’t going to fault him for wanting to avoid what we’d nearly done when we’d found out there was a very strong possibility I was some sort of gang lord.

The reminder was enough to shake what trace of humor and pleasure I’d found, and I nodded. “So, I guess we should figure out what we’re going to do.”

Eric sighed. “I’ve been trying to figure that out for a few hours now.”

“Hours?” I asked, brow creasing. “You’ve been sitting there for hours while I was asleep?”

The corner of his mouth twitched. “You snore.”

“I-I do not,” I sputtered, not even sure why the thought caused me to feel so awkward.

“You do,” he said softly, turning his head to look out the window. “I’m dying to know what happened to you after all these years. I wanted to know before, but now? Now it’s burning inside me to know what you’ve been doing, what choices you made, and why.”

“I think we’re both wondering that,” I said, rubbing my hands over my knees nervously. “I’m looking at who I am now, and at all the things I keep hearing and finding out about myself from before…and I can’t put a picture together.”

“After a little too much coffee…and maybe a couple of shots from the cheap vodka I keep in the fridge,” he added with a rueful smile, “I thought I might have figured something out. Like I’d finally solved the puzzle.”

“Yeah?”

Eric just shook his head. “I didn’t figure out anything. It just felt like I was close to it. Like it was right there at the edge of my thoughts, waiting for me to find it. I never did, though, and it was probably just a feeling I had after sleeping like shit, drinking too much caffeine, and alcohol boosting my confidence.”

“So basically, you’ve been sitting there, fretting over everything and getting nowhere.”

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