Page 27 of Help Me Remember

I could see he was starting to spin out of control, and I squeezed his hand. “Hey.”

He stopped, sighing heavily and glancing at me. “Yeah?”

“If I did keep it from you, especially back then, I’m sorry, alright? I don’t know why I would have done something like that, and maybe I had a good reason, maybe not,” I said gently, giving his hand a softer squeeze. “But if it is the case, I’m sorry.”

Eric’s shoulders slumped, and he shook his head. “You really shouldn’t be apologizing.”

“Might be I should apologize.”

“You can’t…you can’t apologize for something you didn’t do.”

“Ugh…”

“You’re not…you still have bits and pieces of the person you were, but you don’t understand who you are. You don’t have the memories and experiences that back up those decisions. You’re you, but not enough to be responsible for what you did back then, not in my book. It’s like apologizing for what an alternate-universe version of yourself did.”

“That feels like several extra steps when you could just say you absolve me of any potential wrongs I did,” I said with a frown.

Eric laughed, reaching out with his free hand and laying it over my chest. “You are honestly the most stubborn and ridiculously practical man I have ever known. You know that? Things are something, or they’re not with you, aren’t they?”

“I mean, there’s probably some wiggle room. Of course, there’s wiggle room. Kind of like you said earlier about violence,” I said with a shrug. “But just because there’s room to wiggle with some things doesn’t mean you get to do it with everything. Like when you might have done something to hurt someone you care about.”

“That you…” Eric began and then trailed off, looking up at me with such softness I felt the prickling annoyance in my head fade away.

Just like that, I was incredibly aware how close we stood, how his hand was still clasped in mine, and how his other was carefully laid against my chest. I could see the moment Eric realized the same thing by the way the light in his eyes shifted. For a moment I thought he would pull away, and I reached up with my other hand, laying it over the top of his. The gesture had come to me as easily and quickly as each motion and counter in the alley.

A dry thought blossomed in my head as I realized I didn’t know who I was and didn’t have even the barest flicker of memory, I knew what was happening. I could see the slight jerk of Eric’s head, not in dismay or repugnance but in surprise. How his fingers tightened around mine and pressed tighter into my chest. I might not know who I was, but I sure as hell knew I wanted to kiss this man, and he wanted to kiss me in return.

“Dylan,” he said softly but added nothing else.

I drew closer and watched him do the same, his eyes sliding closed. Although my mind was distracted by what I wanted from him, I could still feel the way I positioned my body in anticipation. I knew I would feel the brush of his light scruff against my coarser grain, that I would smell both the cleaning supplies of the clinic and the light cologne he liked to spray on himself in the morning. There would be the bump of our chests as we drew closer, all muscle and solid, and maybe I would feel the press of his erection, or maybe that would come later.

I had the sneaking suspicion this was not my first time with a man.

A sharp rap on his apartment door tore through the moment, and he jerked back in surprise. Our heads swiveled around to look at the hallway, his in surprise and mine in annoyance.

“Who could that be at this hour?” he muttered, drawing away from me even though I was desperate for him to ignore the sound and return to what we were doing.

He didn’t, though, motioning for me to wait and walking out into the hallway. There was an awkwardness to the way he moved, as though he were in a daze, and it almost made me laugh aloud. However, I decided to let him have his dignity and reached down to grab my shirt, pulling it on as I heard him mutter to himself and open the door.

That caught my attention, and I stepped around the bed to try to eavesdrop.

“It’s almost midnight,” I heard Eric mutter in faint annoyance.

“I know, I know,” a familiar voice said. “I just…I needed to talk to you, is all.”

“This…isn’t the best time.”

“I’m sorry, okay, I just—”

“Fine, you owe me, Ryan, but fine.” Eric sighed, and I heard the slide of the chain on the door.

Alarms rang in my head, and I stepped forward. “Eric, wait, don’t—”

My warning went unheeded as the door burst open with a yelp of surprise from Eric. I saw him stumble back, holding his shoulder before two tall figures stepped inside and bullied him backward.

“Hey!” I barked, trying to get their attention away from Eric.

A third man appeared, and I froze when I saw him pull a gun and point it in my direction. He was just far enough away that any chance of surprise would probably result in me getting shot. That and I had a sneaking suspicion the other two men were armed as well. The only thing keeping me calm was the knowledge that if they wanted either of us dead right away, we would have been in the seconds it took for them to take us by surprise.

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