Page 17 of The Way We Are

Raising her eyes from the box to me, she trails her index finger over my quirked brow. “Same grungy haircut, same eyes, same playful personality.” My Adam’s apple bobs up and down when her finger slowly travels down my cheek. “And same perfectly shaped face. His DVDs were just more accessible than you.”

Panicked she has said too much and stealing my chance to reply, she returns her focus to the box she’s clutching for dear life. My heart thumps in my throat when she pries off the lid, her pace slow.Here it comes. Years of secrets are about to be exposed.

I scarcely breathe when she flicks past five sealed envelopes sitting nestled at the top of the stack, their thickness leaving no doubt they are birthday cards. She faintly coughs when she discovers five tightly folded notes with her name scrawled across the top. Then a rogue tear slips down her cheek when she spots the six dozen or more Hershey kisses scattered across the bottom of the box.

"Ryan... uh... I don't know what to say," Savannah murmurs, her eyes never leaving the box.

Deciding actions speak louder than words, she curls her arm around my neck and draws her body to mine. If her box wasn't between us, there would benothingbetween us. Nothing. At. All. It's moments like these that cause teenage issues to crash into me hard and fast—"hard” being the operative word.

We stand in silence for several minutes, the collar of my borrowed shirt soaking up the few tears Savannah’s brimming eyes couldn’t contain. For now, her tears are ones of happiness. When she reads my letters, they may turn into angry tears. The notes I wrote aren’t love letters. They were an outlet for my frustration. I expressed my every hurt, anger, and frustration in words.

I told her how mad I was that she threw away our friendship without a second thought before begging for her to come back. I told her I hated her before declaring that I missed her for every second of every day. I told her I’d never forgive her before I issued my forgiveness on the very last line.

Some letters were only three paragraphs. Others were three pages long. But they all end the same way.

I forgive you.

I don’t know how much time passes before Savannah lifts her head off my chest. It's long enough her eyes have dried, leaving nothing but a pair of sparkling green irises I know all too well, but nowhere near long enough to shift the sentiment in the air back to a comfortable setting.

“Ryan... I...”

She glances up at me, her eyes speaking the words she can’t force out her mouth. She wishes circumstances were different—that she could kiss me like her eyes say she wants to—but she can’t. Five years didn’t just pass in silence; so much more happened—stuff she wants to share but can’t. Not yet.

“One day?” I question, praying I can still intuit her thoughts as well as I used to.

“Yes,” Savannah answers with fire in her eyes, a promise. “I want to tell you everything, Ryan. I just can’t. Not yet.” Her nostrils quiver as she strives to ignore the moisture pricking her eyes. “I just hope you won’t hate me when you find out how foolish I’ve been.” Her words are a whisper, forced through a sob she's barely containing.

I curl my arms around her tighter, hoping a little muscle will add to the truthfulness of my next statement. “I’d never hate you, Savannah. Not in a million years.”

My hand floats across her face to clear away a sneaky tear dribbling down her cheek. My hands are still taped from my fight, but that can't hide the softness of her skin. A cashmere sweater recently removed from the dryer—that's what Savannah's skin feels like. Warm and tenderly soft.Familiar.

I should drop my hand from her face, but I can’t. The tension building between us is electrifying. It crackles and hisses in the air, spurring on my pursuit with a confidence I haven’t had in years. I feel fucking invincible, like I have the entire world at my feet.

The rise and fall of Savannah’s chest quickens when my hand trails across her pouty mouth. I’m barely touching her, but the breathless moan my touch instigates makes it more dangerous. She stares at me, the plea in her eyes as unmissable as the bulge in my shorts. I want to kiss her—I’m dying to kiss her—but I won’t. Not yet. She isn’t mine. As much as this kills me to admit, she is stillhis. The way she defended Axel proves this without a doubt. If she weren't, she would have thrown him to the wolves as she did me years ago.

What Isaac said earlier tonight is true: Savannah is with Axel for a reason. Until I discover why, the facts won't alter. I wish I could force her to leave him, but I've matured enough the past five years to know that could end disastrously for me. I tried to force Savannah's hand years ago; it destroyed our relationship to a point of no recovery. That's why we haven't spoken in years. I refuse to make the same mistake twice.

Placing my hand under Savannah’s chin, I raise her eyes to mine. “Promise me, Savannah—”

“I promise,” she interrupts as her eager-to-please eyes flick between mine.

I’m excited she’s willing to agree before she knows what I’m asking. I'm going to hold her to this promise for the rest of my life, so I need her to fully understand it.

“The letters—”

“I know, Ryan,” Savannah interrupts again, stepping back from our embrace.

Even with tonight being uncomfortably muggy, I feel instantly cold.

“Believe me, I know they’re not going to be pretty. They are most likely going to break my heart, but I don’t need you to spell it out for me, Ryan. I can read your eyes as well as you can mine.I know."

The strength of her last two words nearly knocks me on my ass. They weren't delivered by a girl I used to know, but by a girl I've always known: Savannah, the prettiest and most admired girl I've ever met.

I cough to clear the anger from my voice before saying, “Axel...”

My words trail off when Savannah shakes her head. It isn't her denial that has my words clogging in my throat; it's her retreating frame slowly backing away from me.

"I know that too,” she intuits, her words throaty and honest. “He won't hurt me, Ryan. I won't let him." Her shining eyes dance between mine as she murmurs, “And neither will you.”

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