Page 108 of The Way We Are

She grumbles something about insolent men thinking they have the right to choose who someone can love as she slumps into the steel chair Corporal James just fled from.

“I’m saving her from a life of misery,” I reason, my tone confident.

Constantly reminding myself that my decision is best for all involved is the only thing that has stopped me from demanding my one phone call so I can tell Savannah the truth. She has already handled her fair share of torment; she doesn’t deserve any more.

“You’re notsavingSavannah from anything, Ryan. You’remakingher miserable.” Regina’s glistening eyes dance between mine as she reveals, “For twenty-three years I let the man I love convince me I deserved better than him. Do you know what that got me?”

Even though she's asking a question, she continues speaking as if she didn’t, “Twenty-three years of misery. Twenty-three years of wondering how I could convince him I’m worthy of his time. And twenty-three years of waiting for him to realize he was the one who deserved better—not me. I watched the man I love walk away from me because I was too scared to tell him he was wrong. Don’t ruin this, Ryan. Don’t let your parents ruin the best thing that could ever happen to you because you’re too afraid of letting Savannah love you as much as you love her.”

Moisture burns my eyes. “It’s too late—”

“No, it’s not,” Regina denies, her voice rising with an equal amount of grief and understanding. “Give her the choice. Let her choose, Ryan.”

I shake my head. “I’m not dragging her into this, Regina. I’m not going to have her wait for me for years like you did for Tobias. That’s not living.”

Although Regina balks at my mentioning of Tobias’s name, she knows I hit the nail on the head, so she doesn’t bother refuting my claims.

“I’mgoing to jail; I will not allow Savannah to serve my sentence with me.”

Regina shakes her head. I don’t know what she's denying, but a fire I’ve never seen in her eyes before detonates when a tap sounds at the door.

“Put your shirt on,” Regina requests, nudging her head to the white tee sitting on the edge of the table. “Show her you’re worth fighting for too.”

Her last sentence fills me with worry.I really fucking hope she hasn’t brought Savannah here again.My assumptions are proven wrong when she swings open the door. It’s not Savannah standing on the other side; it's someone I never expected: my mom.

She chokes out my name in a sob when she spots the marks the handcuffs caused to my wrists. With tears dribbling down her cheeks, she rushes to my side before slinging her arms around my neck. I stand frozen, unsure how to react. My momwasa good woman, but she lost her mothering ways a long time ago. I honestly can’t remember the last time she hugged me.

After handing my mom two tissues, Regina gestures for her to sit in the vacant chair next to me. When she does as requested, I also take my seat. Even with my confusion at an all-time high, I gather my mom’s hand in mine, hoping my touch will ease the big shakes hampering her tiny frame. It does—somewhat.

“With no marks found on Ryan’s body during preliminary evidence, and the weapon used owned by the accused, prosecutors may seek the death penalty.”

“It was self-defense. I was defending myself,” I uphold, stunned beyond belief.

I’d never factored the death penalty into the equation. My father was a horrible man who abused his wife for years. If anyone should be facing charges, it should be him.

Regina slides a slip of paper across the table. It shows the 96 inmates who have been sentenced to death in the state of Florida the past decade.

“They’re saying your father’s death was premeditated. That you lured him onto the back patio with the intention of killing him. That's why you were arrested in a towel. You washed the evidence off your body. That shows a thought process—that you sat down and deliberated on your assault. That gives them motive.”

My mouth gapes open and closed but not a peep spills from my lips. I’m shocked—so very fucking shocked.

Regina’s stormy eyes shift from me to my mother. “Is that what you want, Mrs. Carter? Do you want to bury your son beside your husband?”

My anger skyrockets. I know what she's doing. I’ve seen her use this form of interrogation many times before. I’ve just never witnessed it on someone I know and love.

“You don’t have to answer that,” I instruct my mom, forever protecting her as she did my dad.

“Why can’t she answer it, Ryan?” Regina asks, her voice quickly switching from friendly to in charge. “It's a simple question. Do you want to bury your son next to your husband? Yes or no?”

“No,” my mom answers, her voice weak. “No mother wants to bury her child.”

“Then save Ryan from this. Tell me what happened today.” Regina leans over the table, bridging the gap between her and my mom. “Tell me the truth.”

When my mom attempts to answer Regina, I beat her to the punch. “I’ve already told you the truth. You’re just not listening to the facts.”

Regina doesn’t realize this isn’t just about my mom. This is about my brother as well. I gave him my word, and I’ll do everything in my power to keep it. I’ve already lost everyone I care about; I’m not going to let him suffer the same consequence.

“I killed my father. I shot him. It was me.” I bang my fist on my chest to amplify my lies.

---