Page 15 of Norah

She snuggles up against me again, huffing in mock displeasure. “We’ll go to your place. I won’t torture you with my bed. It’s like the princess and the pea, except without the princess part.”

Family

NORAH

My apartment is the worst.

It’s amazing how quickly I’ve come to dislike this small space, now that I’m spending most of my nights at Ethan’s. I never thought about it before, only concerned about keeping things clean. The emptiness and lack of character resonated with my own feelings. Bare walls seemed fitting. Entertainment felt like a cheat. But now, on the rare nights I stay here alone, not wanting to overwhelm Ethan with my presence, I feel nothing but depressed.

Being at Ethan’s place makes me feel warm and appreciated. It’s not that he has a bigger space or better furniture. It’s more how he decorates, and the way his personality shines through those choices. Every room makes me think of Ethan, whether it’s from the art he displays or the rough-edged wood pieces he likes so much.

But the best part by far is just being with him. He always shows how much he cares about me; replacing the bath towels with softer ones, or having my coffee ready in the morning. Staying here with Ethan makes me feel treasured, and going back to my apartment steals that feeling away until I see him again.

Even though Ethan has been dropping hints about moving in together officially, I know it’s too soon. We haven’t had sex yet, and I feel like moving in together would be out of order.

It’s not that I don’t want to have sex with him; but there’s still the dark little voice whispering to me of doom.You don’t deserve him.Linking yourself that way will only hurt him more when things inevitably end.I can keep the voice at bay most of the time, but it’s not gone. Yet. One day soon I know I’ll lock that darkness away for good, and then I can give myself fully to Ethan.

“Rise and shine, sleepyhead.” The aroma of freshly brewed coffee has me pulling the covers off my head and blinking at the brightness of the sunny Saturday morning.

“Ugh. Why is it so bright?” I’m torn between ducking back under the covers and reaching for the coffee. I debate trying both, but Ethan anticipates it and pulls the cup away.

“No going back to bed. I’ve been up for an hour already, missing you. We don’t have to work today, so I want to enjoy the entire day with you.”

It’s hard to argue with his logic. Decision made, I sit up in bed and take the coffee, sipping the hot liquid cautiously. “What do you want to do?”

“I thought we could brainstorm together. Stay and watch movies or go on an adventure. I’m good either way.” Ethan sits on the bed and runs his hand through my hair. “But I wanted to ask you about something first.”

“Nothing bad, I hope?” He doesn’t look concerned, but it’s my instinct to think the worst whenever anyone wants to ask me something.

“Nothing bad. My sister texted and was talking about coming to visit in a few weeks. I’d really like you to meet her.”

I know he has two sisters. One is two years younger, at twenty-nine, and the older is thirty-five. The older sister, Harriet, has twin girls. Abigail, the younger one, is still single and has been traveling around the world for the last year, working as a travel blogger. “Which sister?”

“Abigail. She’s thinking about finding a more permanent job, and wants to visit the city to see if she likes it.” He pauses. “I’ve told her all about you, and she’d really like to meet, if you’re OK with it.”

Meeting the family is a definite next step in a relationship. I know it will solidify the bond between Ethan and me, which I’ve been hesitant to do. But I want to meet his adventurous sister, and I’m pleased that she’s heard all about me. “I would love to meet your sister. From what you’ve told me, she sounds amazing.”

Ethan chuckles. “Abigail is great, but sometimes she acts like a child. I hope she finds a place to land and can start putting down roots.”

“She’s twenty-nine, right? That’s four years older than me, andI’mnot a child.”

“It’s her actions that make her seem younger. And I thinkyouare older than your years.” He winks at me.

If only he knew. “Well, I think she sounds fun. It would be great if she moved somewhere close to you.”

Ethan nods, then looks at me seriously. “What about your family? You never talk about them. I know you have a sister, but you don’t talk about her. All I know is that she lives in Colorado.”

I knew this topic would come up eventually, but it doesn’t make it any less uncomfortable. I won’t duck out of answering, because Ethan deserves any truth I can give him. “My family isn’t… close. I don’t really keep in touch with my sister, aside from texting occasionally. And there isn’t anyone else.”

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” His hand is on mine, comforting.

“No, I want to tell you. But it doesn’t make me out to be the nicest person.”At all.I’m worried I will disappoint Ethan, but it’s nothing I won’t deserve. “It was just the three of us, living in a small town way upstate, banging into each other in our tiny apartment.”

“My mom worked two jobs, so she wasn’t around much. My father took off when I was just a baby. And my younger sister was always getting in trouble, so a lot of the attention went to her. Meetings at school, counselors, stuff like that.”

As the memories come back, I feel uneasy. “I guess I felt sort of resentful towards both of them- Lexi and my mom. I was the good kid, focused on school, so I got ignored a lot. Over time, I became pretty solitary, not doing much with friends or anything. Eventually, I became convinced that if I moved to a big city, away from my family, everything would be better.”

“So I put all my efforts into my grades, and applied to schools in cities like New York, Boston, and Washington, DC. I was thrilled when I found out I got a scholarship to NYU, the first time being poor paid off. It hurt my mom that I was leaving, and we didn’t part on the best terms. Looking back, I wish I had tried to be more understanding, but I was selfish and immature.”

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