I nodded. “I still don’t like violence. I still don’t want to hurt others…I…”
“That’s what makes the difference, mia cara. You acted out of kindness even if your actions were anything but.”
“I burnt someone because I wanted them to experience the pain they’d caused another creature.”
“Next time you want to punish someone who hurt an animal or person, tell me, your brother or one of your uncles and we’ll handle them.” He kissed my forehead.
I nodded, because I knew it was what Dad wanted. He thought he needed to protect me and stop me from doing something I didn’t want to do. But in that moment, I’d wanted to hurt the man in the worst way possible. Now? I hoped I’d never feel the urge again but I knew I wouldn’t ask Dad or my uncles to step in instead either. I didn’t want them to have more blood on their hands because of me.
My eyes settled on my hand. It was still slightly pink. Nevio’s shirt hadn’t rubbed away all traces of blood. “My face?” I asked.
Dad turned to Savio. “Give me a wet towel.”
Savio went over to a sink and came back with a soaked towel. Dad cleaned by face gently then his hand froze. He touched my cheek. “What happened there?”
“The man I killed hit me.”
“You showed him mercy by what you did. I would have made his end much more excruciating than what he experienced.”
I knew it was true. I also knew it didn’t diminish my guilt.
“Does Mom know?” I asked. Mom always worried about Nevio. If she found out I’d burned someone, she’d be heartbroken. I didn’t want her to suffer because of me.
“Not yet,” Dad said. “And I’m not sure I’ll tell her.”
I hugged my middle. “You shouldn’t lie to Mom. She’ll be furious if she ever finds out.”
“I prefer her fury to her worry.”
“She’ll worry if she finds out. But if she finds out later, she’ll worry too.”
“Do you want me to tell her?”
I swallowed. “I don’t want it, but I know you should tell her.”
“I won’t.” He nodded toward Dotty. “You probably want to adopt that dog as well?”
“Yes. I have to keep her as a reminder of what humans are capable of, myself included.”
Dad touched my cheek. “It won’t happen again. I know you’ve been suffering in silence for a while and not talked to anyone. Today was the result of that.”
I’d hoped Dad and the others hadn’t noticed that something was wrong with me, but apparently my anguish had been too strong to keep it hidden. My feelings for Amo hadn’t vanished in weeks or months, my heartbreak was still as potent as it had been in the beginning. It didn’t make sense.
“He needs to stay under surveillance for another day before he can go home with you,” the doctor told me, once he’d bandaged the tail and the dog’s two broken hind legs.
“Will she walk again?”
“Yes, but it’s likely that she’ll have a bad limp.”
Dogs were resilient. I’d do anything in my power to help her heal, not just physically. “I’ll stay with her.”
“Take them home,” Dad told Savio, pointing at Nevio, Massimo and Alessio.
Nevio stalked toward us, shaking his head. “I’m staying.” He stopped right in front of Dad, challenge in his eyes. Dad smiled dangerously.
“I need him,” I whispered.
Dad sighed. Nevio sank down beside me and wrapped his arm around me. I put my head down on his shoulder, but I didn’t find the comfort I needed.