Page 54 of The Wrong Brother

“Sometimes I wish it wasn’t so hard for her to let down her guard.”

I bump his knuckles with mine, making him look at me. “Give her time. She sees you, I know she does. You’re right there, doing the work, caring for her. You’ve gotta let her realize she can trust that. And there’s no one more trustworthy than Griffin fucking Simms.”

He nods at me, sighing deeply. “Let’s talk about anything else. What have you been working on lately? It’s been a while since you’ve shown me anything.”

“Oh yeah, check these out.” I pull out my phone and show him some photos of what I’ve been painting lately and he zeroes in on the pieces inspired by Catherine, going back and forth between them, giving them his full, serious attention in that particular Griffin way. I find myself feeling nervous, wanting his approval, wanting him to understand what I was trying to express.

“These are really good, Raff. Like,reallygood. I know I don’t know anything about art, but there’s something here. I like how they make me feel. It’s like, familiar but a little bittersweet. I don’t know, I probably sound like a dumbass. Looking at them makes me feel the way I did when I came back to the island after law school—like coming home.”

I can’t meet his eyes, needing a moment because I’m a little choked up. I clear my throat, giving myself more time by taking a drink.

“That’s kind of what I was going for. These here all sort of ended up being a series, all growing from the same starting point but branching out in different directions, hopefully expressing different emotions.”

We’re interrupted by our food being delivered. Griffin got the loco moco and the smell of their brown gravy, poured over the hamburger steak and rice, makes my mouth water. It’s topped with an over-medium egg and if I wasn’t going to spend the afternoon out in the heat, exercising, I would have ordered the same thing. I’m not disappointed in my kalua pork nachos though. The chips are housemade from purple Okinawa sweet potatoes and their kalua pork is kiawe smoked and mouth-wateringly tender. I’m starving and Griffin seems to find his appetite after a couple of bites. Brah could use some food and a solid day of sleep.

I’m slowing down, savoring the last of the chips before my plate is empty, while Griffin groans, having inhaled his lunch. He leans back in his chair, stretching out his long legs and truly letting himself relax.

“What brought about this new series of paintings?” he asks, sliding his empty plate to the end of the table for the waitress to grab on her way past.

“Honestly? Catherine.”

He gives me this knowing look that makes me want to punch him.

“What about Catherine, specifically? Are you guys having late-night, private art sessions?”

I roll my eyes and “accidentally” kick his outstretched legs out of my foot space. “Nothing like that. Some of it is that she set up this little space in her condo where I can work. I’ve been able to paint in a way that I haven’t in a while—being in one spot, seeing the same space in different light at different times, thinking about how that feels. Doing a series grew naturally from that.” He nods, watching me carefully and reacting genuinely. I appreciate that Griffin asking about my work isn’t merely lip service. He always truly listens. “It got me thinking about the pieces as a whole. I’ve noticed there are places around here, small local spots like coffee shops, that display the work of local artists as a way to decorate their space and promote them. I thought maybe I could find a place like that, see if someone might be willing to show them.”

He sits up straighter, eyes wide, and smile wider. “Fuck yes! That’s a great idea.” His enthusiasm makes me realize I was still letting myself expect the worst, assuming he’d tell me it was a dumb idea, reaffirming that I shouldn’t trust myself. “I don’t want to make a big deal out of anything and make you want to run the other direction, but,” he pauses to hand the waitress his card, ignoring my protests, “it’s awesome seeing you like this.”

“Like what?”

“Like making goals and taking risks and being willing to try something that puts your work out there. Like you want to leave your mark. It’s brave. It’s nice seeing you finally being in a place where maybe you can open up, trust that you’re not alone, and accept all the good things you deserve.”

Fuck. There’s so much there, so much to consider, and it’s all making me annoyingly emotional. I don’t want to process all of the feelings right here, in the Highway Inn, during the lunch rush.

“At the very least, I’m willing to accept that I deserve this lunch from my successful older brother,” I joke, hoping to deflect some of the attention from myself and the incredible weight of my brother’s words.

“At the very least.” Griffin shakes his head and kicks my legs, the way I did his earlier.

We walk out together, unintentionally matching strides. I grin at our disparate shadows, the only thing matching being our height. Even allowing for his uncharacteristic scruff, my brother is neat and tidy, usually looking every bit the family lawyer. I wonder what a stranger would think, seeing the two of us together. They couldn’t know, on sight, how much he means to me—how much I value his opinion, how much I’ve come to rely on his unwavering support, or how much I look up to him. I hope he knows that, even if we don’t talk about it.

We reach the end of the block and stop. Griff will cross the street and probably try to make himself walk sensibly back to Mina’s, ignoring how anxious he is to run all the way back and make sure she’s still okay. I’ll walk to my car and continue with my regularly scheduled day. He reaches over and bumps my fist, giving me a tired little half smile.

“I’ll be sure to thank Catherine next time we talk.”

I sigh theatrically, leaning into his set-up, ready for the joke. “Thank her for what?”

“For making you feel safe enough to try. Maybe give yourself a break and don’t overthink this.”

That half smile doesn’t look tired now. It’s gentle, hitting me deep in my feels and leaving me with space to take it in. Fucking Griffin.

34

catherine

This week has been exhilarating within my apartment but exhausting elsewhere. I’ve tried to take food and give Griffin breaks when I can. He’s running himself ragged taking care of Mina. Physically she’s improving but mentally she’s struggling after being attacked like that. I’m thankful she has him. They’re good together when they let themselves be. I’m still worried though that she’ll push him away. Mina isn’t good with vulnerability.

I was able to sneak over to Kaneohe and met Ka‘eo and Norah. They are so funny and warm in person and their love is palpable. They mentioned, more than once, us getting together with their “couple crew” and now that I’ve spent time with them I’m looking forward to it instead of feeling anxious about the prospect of an unknown social situation. It would be a new experience to have a group of friends.

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