Page 31 of The Wrong Brother

“Toss me the remote.”

Mina tosses it to Rafferty and he scrolls through, startingBridgerton, a historical romance series.

“Time out!” I yell.

Catherine looks at me in surprise. “What’s up, Griffin?”

I look at my brother. “Did you pick this to fuck with me?”

“I picked this because I thoughtCatherinewould like it.” He doesn’t appear to be lying. If anything, he’s looking at me like I’ve grown a second head.

“Did you really? Why would Catherine like this?”

“You mean outside of the hot guys and steamy love story?” Mina asks, poking me.

A look passes between Rafferty and Catherine. How are they having a whole conversation without speaking and I didn’t even know they were a thing?

Catherine answers. “I like romance novels. In fact, I’ve read the book series this is based on.”

Rafferty smiles at her. “And I do too, although I haven’t read these. Should I?” he addresses her. “Anyway, we talked about it the other day and I thought she might want to watch this.” He turns to look at me. “Why would you think I picked this to fuck with you?”

I tilt my head up to look at Mina. We’re having the same non-verbal conversation. Fuck it. I might as well be vulnerable too.

“I thought maybe Mina told you I like to watch period romances.”

She tugs on my hair to get me to look back up at her. “You told me in confidence. I wouldn’t gossip about you. Honesty above everything, ya?” She kisses me on the forehead.

“You like watching historical romances?” Rafferty throws up a shaka. “Awesome. We’re definitely watching this now.”

Mina chuckles. “I bet Catherine loves the happy endings and you like all the highs and lows of the emotions. Griffin enjoys the time periods when order and manners were important.”

“Hey,” I elbow her gently. “I like the sexy stuff too. I’ve mostly watched Masterpiece ones. They’re very well made and the stories are more character-driven. I’m not embarrassed I like them, but I didn’t want to deal with the judgment.”

“No judgment here, bro. We’re all about it. And Mina tolerates it because she likes the company!” Mina gives Raff a middle finger salute but she’s laughing while she does it.

“I can safely say none of this is how I saw tonight going.”

Rafferty looks down at Catherine, a small smile on his face. She puts her hands on his cheeks, kissing him, and it feels so raw and genuine I have to look away. I felt like I was intruding. I didn’t ever expect our siblings to be together but now that they are, I can’t understand why it didn’t happen sooner. This is pretty much the coolest scenario ever.

18

rafferty

Tonight was much better than either of us anticipated. I don’t think we could have planned to reveal our “relationship” to my brother in a better way. It felt natural and it felt good to be a couple with them and to see them as a couple. I’m stoked that Griffin is finally taking a risk. I hope he realizes how incredible it is that he doesn’t have to try to deserve being with Mina. He doesn’t have to earn her affection, she likes him the way he is.

Throughout the course of the night, with all the joking and back-and-forth conversations, the cozy seating arrangements, and the level of comfort built in with being the four of us, I forgot it’s all for show. It felt like we were two couples, four close friends, hanging out. Every time Catherine initiates affection, kissing me on her own or holding my hand, it’s harder to pretend that this is all merely practice for convincing others later. I want more than anything for all of this to be real but the duality is fucking me up. I don’t like it. I walk back with Catherine, wishing there was a safe, easy way to transition from acting like a couple to being a couple. I’m too much of a chickenshit to take any step toward that. There’s too much risk. When I drop her off at her condo we don’t kiss but the hug goodbye is good. At least I know that’s real.

I go down to my car and pull up my cheat sheet note saved on my phone. Fuck. I don’t have anywhere to go tonight. I should have paid attention and made a plan earlier. There’s no way I can find someone this late and not get caught in some sort of half-truth. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know where to go. I can feel my heart rate picking up, the pounding loud in my temples. I clench my hands tightly against the shaking and put my head down, breathing deeply. My chest feels tight and my face is hot. After at least 5 full minutes and twice through the “5-4-3-2-1 coping technique” I’ve gotten the trembling under control enough to feel like I can safely leave, but my heart is still hammering like I just finished a strenuous workout. I hate feeling broken.

I start driving, thinking through my meager options. It’s illegal to sleep in your car on O‘ahu—there isn’t a good place to park because of that. It doesn’t matter that my family is from here (my parents grew up here and so did my grandparents!) because I’m obviously white. I’ll get rousted by HPD, immediately. I’m not saying they’ll single me out because of my ethnicity, but I’m for sure not getting any local braddah concessions. I don’t need that.

A plan forms that will work but leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Better than a hefty fine or jail time. Once was enough. I park in Griffin’s guest spot and go up to his apartment. A knock on his door confirms my suspicions: he’s at Mina’s. He’ll be there all night. I use my key to let myself in and crash on his couch. Thankfully my brother has furniture fit for a tall guy. I’ll sleep comfortably. All I need to do is set an alarm to get out early. I stay up for a bit, reading the Amy Harmon book Catherine picked for me to read. It’s not like anything I’ve read before and I stay up later than I meant to, sucked into the story.

My alarm goes off at 5:45 and I’m up quickly. Griffin is the consummate morning person and I don’t know what getting ready for work will look like after he stayed at Mina’s. He wouldn’t care that I’m here, but he would ask questions. It’s best if I avoid the questions. I don’t like lying. I didn’t use his water or eat his food, it was only the couch, but I didn’t ask and I hate myself for it. To make things worse, I forgot to swap out the stuff in my bag yesterday. I don’t have clean clothes so I can’t get dressed before I leave. I lock up and head down to the parking lot.

With my trunk open, I sit my bag at my feet so my hands are free to unzip the suitcase. I take the dirty clothes out and put them in the mesh laundry bag. I pull my t-shirt off and add it to the dirty laundry then do the same with my shorts. I grab a clean pair from the suitcase and pull them on quickly. I am in a parking lot, after all. I refill my bag at my feet with clean stuff and am digging through the suitcase for a shirt to wear when I hear a giggle behind me. I turn, shirt in hand, to find Griffin and Mina standing behind me.

“Too bad there isn’t anyone down here to enjoy the show,” my brother cracks, lifting an eyebrow. I pull my shirt on and reach behind me to shut my trunk, trying not to draw attention to it.

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