Page 29 of The Wrong Brother

“Back here!” It sounds like he’s calling from my bedroom. That’s…odd. I drop my purse and go in search, finding him sitting on my bed with a book. “Hi!” He stands up, giving me a warm hug that makes the stress of my workday melt away. Like, I can feel it oozing off of me and puddling at my feet, leaving only peace behind. I breathe him in deeply, letting his natural calm vibe wash over me. “I hope it’s not presumptuous, but after I realized you were running late I went ahead and pulled clothes for you. I figured you’d want to change out of your work stuff to be comfortable. I’ll leave you to it and finish up in the kitchen.”

“I’ll be quick—I want us to have time to walk without rushing.”

I leave my work outfit draped on the end of the bed to deal with later. I appreciate the thoughtfulness in finding me clothes. Rafferty chose a pair of shorts, a loose tank top, and my favorite thin kimono. It’s an outfit I would have put together for myself. I feel comfortable and pretty. I hurry out, not wanting to leave him waiting, to find Rafferty cleaning my kitchen.

“Raff, what are you doing?” Still trying out the whole nickname thing. I’m not quite sure I’m pulling it off yet.

“Oh, I got over here a little early and it felt wrong to just hang out alone. So…I cleaned. Just the bathroom. And the floors. Light dusting. Plus the kitchen.”

I throw my arms around him in an exuberant hug. “You know, as a fake boyfriend you are far superior to any real boyfriend I’ve ever had!”

He blushes slightly and shakes his head, his blonde hair falling over his shoulders. “That says more about your exes than it does about me.”

He washes his hands then takes mine, leading us out. We walk hand in hand towards Mina’s apartment, weaving in and out of the deeper shadows left by the tall buildings that line the street. The sky is awash in deep pinks and oranges as the sun slides toward the horizon. I bet Rafferty could make something spectacular with this as inspiration. I tell him so and he brushes off the compliment, but he can’t hide his cute little smile. Now he’s thinking about it. I can tell.

“Mahalo for getting my clothes ready for me. It saved a lot of time.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll admit, I didn’t pick out clothes because I excel at that sort of thing. But you’ve worn it before and I’ve always thought you look pretty in it.”

I peek at him out of the corner of my eye. He’s not even looking in my direction. He didn’t say it to win points or get my attention. He’s taking in the fading colors in the sky, throwing out compliments like it’s no big thing.

“Thank you.”

“Is there anything you’re particularly worried about or do you feel okay about tonight?” he asks me, keeping an eye on the traffic as we cross the street.

“I’m nervous. How are we going to approach things, going in? I don’t want to be weird and make an official announcement or something, but how are we going to act? I feel like I’m building this up in my head more than I need to. It’s one of my superpowers.”

“I’ll need to hear more about these superpowers later. Can they be used for good or only to make you feel bad? Tonight I think we act exactly the way we are now. We shouldn’t make a big deal out of it or try to play things up.”

I think about what he’s saying. “It has felt good. Natural. I’m not worried about feeling weird with you.” I squeeze his hand, in reassurance. “But I don’t want to hurt Griffin or negatively affect our sibling friendships, ya?”

“Ya. Let’s see how he reacts, see how he seems to feel. Don’t think of it as keeping something from him. We only want to get his unbiased impression, since he knows us both already.”

Rafferty seems relaxed. Unbothered. My stomach is knotting up, the tension in my gut, where I seem to carry all of my anxiety, increasing with every step closer. I really, really,reallydon’t want to have another anxiety attack. I imagine this is how it would feel, right before you step out on a stage. This is exactly why I never considered any kind of performance. I’m not cut out for it. I’m a behind-the-scenes girl.

Outside Mina’s door, I drag my feet, suddenly scared to go in. I know what Rafferty said makes sense. But that’s not keeping the nerves from surging up. Rafferty takes one look at me and stops, holding me close. I grip the sides of his shirt, resting my forehead against him. He runs his fingers through my hair, resting his face on the top of my head. He whispers down to me, continuing to soothe me with his touch.

“We’re good, Cat. It’s just the two of us, hanging out with our siblings. There’s no pressure. No expectations. No matter what Griffin thinks, we’re going to have a good time tonight because they’re our friends and we love them. It’s all good.”

He uses his fingers to tilt my head up and kisses me softly. It’s not a fiery, toe-curling kiss. I mean, there’s always a bit of that, every time he kisses me, but this is like affection as therapy. Rafferty uses the pressure of his fingertips on my skin, the movement of his lips, and the sharing of breath to pull me back down from my rising anxiety. I forget about being nervous. I forget we’re here for a double date. I forget anything outside of how everything feels in this moment—right and good and real. The comfort he gives me and the goosebumps I get at his touch don’t feel like we’re playing a part. I’m breathing back into him, kissing him too, when someone loudly clears their throat.

“What exactly is happening here?”

17

griffin

Mina mentioned to me that Rafferty and Catherine were going to be joining us for a hang on Thursday night. The four of us haven’t hung out since that time I had tried to take Catherine to dinner and Rafferty and Mina crashed our date. Even though, as an attempted date, it was a disaster, it ended up being a surprisingly good night so I didn’t question her wanting to do it again. I felt a little trepidation about being with Mina, as a couple, in front of Catherine. I know she won’t harbor any ill will, she broke up with me after all. I still feel strangely nervous though. I’m worried about the impression—like I jumped from one sister to the other, like dating a Brookner was the goal and I didn’t care which one. Fuck. Now I’m nervous. We got garlic chicken and rice from down the street. Mina said we may end up watching something. No pressure, just being together like the old days. I hear something in the hall outside Mina’s door, but after a minute no one has knocked so I open it to check.

Catherine and Rafferty are standing in front of the door, kissing. And it clearly isn’t the first time. They seem comfortable and completely wrapped up in each other. They don’t even notice the door opening. I clear my throat and they’re casually making out like it’s the most natural thing in the world to be doing in this hallway.

When did this happen?

Did Mina know this was going on?

Was this meant to be a double date?

Why am I always the last to know things?

---