Page 17 of The Wrong Brother

10

catherine

I haven’t seen Rafferty since the weekend. He did come over mid-week, to use the shower, but I was at work. He left me a nice note though with some of my favorite macadamia nut chocolate. Much nicer than the newest “anonymous” note I got saying I was never going to be more than a lame, lonely accountant, scrawled in loopy, girlish handwriting that hasn’t matured any more than the writer’s middle school mean girl mentality. I kept Rafferty’s where I can see it filed the other away like I always do—out of sight but never truly out of mind. I know I should tell someone or do something to get my old roommate to stop tormenting me from afar, but I don’t even want to tell anyone else that it is happening let alone admit that I need help. I don’t want anyone to know all of my flaws and weak points that she pinpoints, always managing to cut me where it hurts the most. It’s embarrassing how easily and often she hurts me and it’s embarrassing that I don’t know how to make her stop. Better to just box them up and pretend everything is as it appears to be.

The distance has given me a lot of time to think. Naturally, I made a pro/con list and looked at it from all angles. I’m not seeing many cons. There’s the obvious attraction, so it won’t be a chore to be with him. Doing this would allow me to feel it instead of shoving it down deep and trying to ignore it. I genuinely like him and enjoy spending time with him, so I believe we’ll both be comfortable. Imagining going to the sailing outing and evening dinner party they have planned with Rafferty makes me not dread it. I think that’s the biggest sign that it’s the right idea. Now the only thing I need to concern myself with is finding clothes to make me feel confident and attractive. There’s no use seeing Pressley if I’m not going to feel 100%. My sister seems to psychically know that I need her, texting before I get a chance to reach out to her.

Mina:Come hang out with me! Or I’ll come to you. I miss you

Me:I miss you too! I just got out of the shower so if I come to you it will probably be an hour.

Mina:K

Mina:I’ll be at yours in 10

Me:love you!

I’m glad Mina is coming over. It’s strange to think that we were often at odds growing up. Now she’s my favorite person and closest friend. I was always a bit jealous of her when we were younger. No one had any expectations for her. She got to be wild, angry, and loud. At most, people would say “that’s Mina for you” and move on. She was allowed to figure out who she was and who she wanted to be. I always just…was. Catherine the eldest. Catherine the quiet one. Catherine the responsible and reliable. I’m not like Mina, I wouldn’t have wanted to stomp across rooms or anything, but it never felt like I even had the option. She worked so hard to harness that passion and energy and I’m super proud to see the strong, confident, justice-driven woman she is now. And because she’s so fully herself, she’s very vocal and supportive of me being the same way. She’s not particularly touchy-feely, but she makes a point of affirming who I am in her own way. Everyone should be lucky enough to have someone like Mina rooting for them.

I’m dressed and patting the excess moisture out of my hair when Mina walks into the bathroom, wrapping her arms around my waist in an unexpected hug. Look at that, keys coming in handy already.

“What was that for?” I smile at her in the mirror.

“I was thinking about you on the drive over.”

“Good things I hope!”

“I was thinking about how lucky I am to have you as my longest and dearest friend. And that I’m happy to know who you are, with all of your layers.”Well shit, that’s sweet.

“Aww, don’t make me cry, Meens, I feel that way about you too.”

“We haven’t hung out much. It felt like you were either avoiding me or withdrawing and avoiding everyone. I’m glad to see you coming back out of that,” she says, still talking to me through the mirror as I finish combing my hair. I smile at her, unsure what I can say. I don’t want to explain my reasons for avoiding spending time with Rafferty, and they’re usually together. She saves me by asking, “Any plans for today?”

“Well…I know you’re not a fan but I kind of need to go shopping.”

“I hate shopping alone but I don’t mind it with you.”

“Yay! Let’s go to Ala Moana then.”

I drive us and we hit up a coffee shop first. Mina looks ready to be on the move, but I need a moment to review the notes on my phone. I don’t want to forget something important.

“What are we looking for exactly?”

“I need a new swimsuit. Something that makes me look good—better than good, I want to look hot. And a cover-up to go with it, for sailing. Then I need a nice dress. Something for a fancy dinner. I need your expertise here. I’m not trying to be someone else, I want it to be my style, but I need to look like me at a 10.”

“That all sounds doable. What is this for?”

Admitting it still makes me annoyed. “Pressley is getting married. To Connor.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? And she invited you? What a bitch. Are you actually going?”

“It’s their engagement festivities, not the wedding. And actually, her parents invited me. I don’t even know if Pressley knows I’m invited but, knowing Pressley for who she truly is,” I pause thinking about the letters, “she probably would have invited me to rub it in my face that she stole him and still has him.”

“Yeah, after she cheated with him! He wasn’t good enough for you. Once a cheater always a cheater in my book. Those two assholes deserve each other. I hope their babies look like garden gnomes. But like, the gross ones that scare small children.”

I snort. “This isn’t about feeling sorry for myself or wanting him back. Maybe it’s childish of me, but if I have to go to their engagement celebrations, I want to show her that I’m one hundred times better off without her fake friendship and I want to show him that he royally fucked up cheating on me.” I’m getting fired up thinking about it, borrowing a little of my sister’s passion.

“YES!” Mina gives me a tight squeeze. “I completely support this plan because that is absolutely true. You’re better off without a frenemy like Pressley messing with your head. And we absolutely want to give Connor a little taste of regret. Let’s get to it. I say we do swimsuits first because that tends to be the most soul-sucking. If we can find a suit that makes you feel like a million bucks, picking a good dress will be the icing on the cake.”

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