She gave me such a bewildered look. I sighed as I tried to make sense of my thoughts.
“My past doesn’t denote my present, though. I’mveryattracted to you. I think it’s safe to assume the feeling is mutual?”
Reyah nodded shyly. “It’s fine. You don’t owe me an explanation, Callan. For Gods’ sake the whole thing was a mistake from the beginning, so I don’t know why I’m this upset.”
Well, that stung a bit.
“Is that how you feel? That it was a mistake?” My question sounded far more pathetic than I’d intended.
“Of course. It’s treason, Callan.”
And that stung even more.
“Is that why the King was so comfortable with you guarding me, and with us sharing a room? Because he knew you wouldn’t touch me?” she asked bitterly.
“Yes.”
Reyah laughed, it was sharp and cruel. “Well, I guess he’s as big of an idiot as I am.”
“Reyah—”
“What, Callan?”
I was truly at a loss for words. I wanted to make this better, I felt devastated, but I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t had time enough to process my desire for her, or my feelings. I felt as though my heart was still catching up to my body’s rather fervent need of her.
“What?” she asked again.
“I want you to know that it wasn’t just about sex for me. I’m attracted to more than just the physical; your laugh, your smart mouth, your dauntless bravery through all of this, I adore those things. Shit, I liked those things before anything physical happened. I admired your moxie; at the inn, the market. I don’t know, you’ve…piqued my interest, and stirred something in me.”
Reyah’s body loosened as some of her anger faded.
“But I’ve also been trying to keep my distance. I thought this was like any job, to deliver you to the safehouse. That’s all I thought it would be. But fuck, Reyah, you got under my skin, and it was becoming harder to keep you at arm’s length.
“I won’t pretend to know what your thoughts or feelings are, but I just needed you to know that…that I care for you.”
She looked timidly down at me. “I’m sorry, did you just admit to liking my smart mouth?” Her smile had turned coquettish.
“It was a mistake to tell you that, wasn’t it?”
“It wasdefinitelya mistake to tell me that.”
I laughed, relieved that the tense mood was lifting, and Reyah slunk off the bed and sat with me on the floor.
“I think I might care for you too, Callan.” She took my hand and interlaced our fingers. “I think it upset me to hear of your preference for men because that meant that whateverthisis between us, was only one-sided.”
I pulled her into my lap and cradled her. Reyah let out a deep breath and sunk into me. We sat there just enjoying each other’s affection. She traced her fingertips over my knuckles, and I felt her heart beating against my chest. She tilted her head up to me, there was a hint of sadness in her eyes, but she lifted her lips to mine and kissed me with a delicateness I had never known.
I was relieved to have her so close after my admission. She was a married woman, and who the hell was I to inject myself into anyone else’s relationship? But Reyah had been seekingmeout, and now I knew it was not only to warm her bed at night.
I pulled her against me tightly. She smelled like winter, fresh and cold, and it gave me a chill to have her scent in my lungs. I felt the goosebumps trickle down from my shoulders all the way to my wrists. Shewaswinter.
Chapter15
Reyah
Iwoke up to Callan’s gentle, rhythmic breathing. The poor man didn’t seem to sleep much, and it was nice to finally see him so relaxed. I had asked him to share my bed last night, just to sleep, and for the first time he’d immediately agreed. I understood now, why all of the moments I had beckoned him closer to me were difficult for him. I understood why his refusals were as strict and uncompromising as they had been. It had been difficult for him in ways I had never anticipated, and Gods, I felt guilty for ever pushing him.
I tipped my face up, his chin rested atop my head and I was nestled into his neck and chest. With a finger I softly dotted the tiny freckles along his rich, tan skin. The freckles disappeared behind the thick curls on his chest, and I held up the covers to see just how far down they decorated him. A sparse few on his taut belly, and I think I could make out even more, lower than that. I felt my lower belly roll with satisfaction at my current view.