Page 56 of His Christmas Gift

AUTUMN

Ididn’t expect to be on the verge of a panic attack on Christmas.

I knew that I would be nervous and uncomfortable being around my family, but I didn’t think that I would feel sheer panic. I didn’t think that I would be pregnant with Dean’s baby.

While everyone at my parents’ dining room table ate gourmet food and talked about all of the fancy gifts that they got today, I tried not to lose the Christmas brunch that I had already eaten. It didn’t help that Dean kept asking me what was wrong and giving me worried looks. I tried to act completely normal, but so much was stressing me out right now.

My parents kept asking us questions about our future. I let Dean handle most of the responses because I got too overwhelmed to think of a good answer most of the time. I wrestled with my nausea and my nervousness about being a parent. Plus, I had to figure out when to tell Dean about all of this.

Last night, I considered telling him, ripping off the bandage. Then, a surge of emotion struck me, and all I wanted to do was kiss him. One thing led to another, and I figured that I should be with him one last time before I told him the news and everything fell apart. Everything would change once he found out, and I didn’t know what to expect. I just wasn’t all that hopeful.

“Are you feeling sick again?” Dean asked me quietly while my parents talked to one of my uncles.

It was nice that he cared, but I couldn’t handle all of the questions right now. I was worried that I would slip up and say the wrong thing, making him even more suspicious. The pressure was nearly too much for me right now, but I told myself to just get through this brunch. Then, I could make up an excuse to leave early and be out of this town. Maybe I could think clearer back in New York.

“I’m fine,” I tried to assure him. If he kept asking me questions, my parents would get suspicious. They were good at reading people. Well, they were good at reading everyone except for me. I was some sort of weird mystery to them because they didn’t try to understand me.

Dean placed his hand on my back, rubbing gently. Physically, it made me feel a little better, but it sent me more into a spiral mentally.

“Well, I’m just so happy that you took the time to come out here and visit,” my mother said as she smiled at us from across the table. She then looked over at Dean. “I hope you’ll be back next year.”

I wanted to bury my face in my hands. If nothing happened between me and Dean after we got back to New York and I told him about the pregnancy, I would be showing up here next Christmas as a single mother. I couldn’t imagine what my parents would have to say about that. They would think that I proved them right about everything, and that was the last thing that I wanted to do.

“Of course,” Dean replied as he took my hand, resting both of ours on the table. He gave me a warm smile. “I want to be wherever she’s at.”

Did he really mean that, though? We had a great time together this week and a half, but we lived a different reality here. We faked everything about our lives. Did he really like me, or did he like the sex and the thrill of a lie?

“How sweet. She’s so lucky to have you,” my mother said, sharing a smile with my father.

“For your wedding, there are a few close family friends that we want to bring. They’ve known Autumn since she was a little girl. They’d love to see her get married,” my father added.

I clenched my jaw as I shook my head. I was a hundred percent sure that I didn’t know those people that they were talking about. They just wanted to show off all the wedding decorations that they paid for. It would be the only time that they would put me up on a pedestal.

“When I get married, I only want people that I care about and personally know to be there,” I said firmly, feeling my stomach churn as I spoke. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to invite my own parents to my wedding. Despite everything, I loved them, but they needed to show that they actually cared about me first.

“I’m sure you can extend your guest list a little, dear,” my mother replied just as firmly.

Of course, my own wedding couldn’t even be about me. It had to be about my parents and what they wanted. They made me not even want to have a wedding. Not that it was going to happen anyway.

“We don’t even have a date set,” I muttered as I looked down at the table. They didn’t care that I was in love. They just cared that I was engaged to someone like Dean.

“Well, you need to start planning. Weddings take months to plan, and you don’t want the ceremony or party to flop,” my mother told me. “I know the best wedding planner in the state. She can help us out.”

I let out an aggravated breath as I leaned back in my seat, feeling tired, frustrated, nauseous, and hot. It wasn’t a good mix at all, and I could feel my patience waning. Dean tried to squeeze my hand and comfort me, but I pulled my hand away. I felt bad, but him just being around me was overwhelming me too.

“That’s nice of you to offer. If we need help with anything, we’ll let you know,” Dean replied as he nodded politely.

“Wonderful. Now, I think we should toast,” my mother said as she turned to my father with a smile. “We have plenty to be thankful for this year and plenty to hope for next year.”

I wasn’t really in the toasting mood. Of course, I had things to be grateful for, but I was in a bit of a crisis right now. What made it worse was that I was stuck in this house with my family. I watched my father rise to grab a bottle of champagne to pour into everyone’s glasses. When he reached me, I put my hand over the glass and shook my head.

“I’m fine. I have water,” I told him. I couldn’t drink, but I couldn’t tell them why.

“Oh, Autumn, don’t be difficult,” my mother sighed as she held her glass of champagne in her hand.

I wasn’t being difficult. I was being responsible. I didn’t move my hand from over my glass as I shook my head once again, wishing that they would concede and move on.

“Really. I don’t want to drink,” I replied, feeling everyone’s eyes on me. I didn’t want to cause a scene and become the center of attention. I just wanted to get through the rest of brunch quietly and painlessly.

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