Page 52 of His Christmas Gift

AUTUMN

Christmas Eve was finally here, and I could already tell that it was going to be one of the best ones yet.

Since we were going to spend Christmas Day with my family, Dean and I decided that we would spend Christmas Eve with his family. The atmosphere in Jared and Hannah Everard’s large living room was far cheerier than my parents’ entire house would’ve been. I wasn’t looking forward to going there tomorrow.

The kids got to open one present each tonight to help hold them over until tomorrow when they got to open their presents from Santa. I couldn’t help but smile as I watched their parents help them unwrap their presents. My eyes shifted over to Dean as he sat on the leather couch beside me, sharing a smile with each other.

I couldn’t believe that he was fine with me keeping the ring. Outside of this trip, there wasn’t a point in me wearing it unless we actually got engaged. The thought of that made my heart race and my face flush. As warm as that thought made me because of my blooming feelings for him, I knew that us getting engaged probably wouldn’t happen.

We agreed to be partners in business, but we hadn’t talked about being partners outside of business. He probably wanted to get sucked back into his work and not have me distract him from getting his job done. Not that I wanted to do that, but I couldn’t help but want to be with him.

I couldn’t remember the last time that I had such a good time back at home. He did that. He was the one who made me smile and laugh constantly during this entire trip, and I wanted that to continue when our plane touched down at JFK.

“I would be an awesome Santa,” Dean whispered to me, his lips brushing the shell of my ear.

I laughed softly as I nodded my agreement. I could see him being a good Santa, a good dad. He had a lot of care in his heart, and even the money hadn’t changed that about him. I misjudged him, but I was glad that he turned out to be better than I ever could’ve imagined.

“Deviled eggs?” Dean’s dad asked as he passed around a plate of about a dozen deviled eggs.

Dean took the plate and held it out for me.

I took one of the deviled eggs and bit into it, enjoying the creaminess and the paprika sprinkled on top. By the time the kids finished unwrapping their presents and marveling about what they got, I had eaten three deviled eggs and was starting to regret my actions.

Nausea struck me as I placed my hand on my stomach. I felt so sick that I feared that those deviled eggs would find their way right back up.

“I’ll be right back,” I told Dean before standing and walking to the bathroom down the hallway from the living room. I shut the door behind me and let out a long breath, trying to will the sick feeling away. I didn’t want to spend my Christmas Eve trying not to throw up. I had been having such a great time with Dean and his family.

I leaned over the sink and splashed some cold water on my face, doing everything in my power to make myself feel better. Maybe it was all the big meals and eating out, but I had been feeling sick a lot lately. Thankfully, there was ginger ale in a vending machine down the hall from our hotel room, but I wasn’t so lucky right now.

I didn’t want to keep feeling like this. I hadn’t felt any cramps either because my period hadn’t started yet. I chewed on my bottom lip nervously as I counted how many days late I was. I couldn’t remember ever being so late before, which concerned me.

I couldn’t possibly be pregnant, though. Could I?

The thought made my stomach twist even more. If I was somehow pregnant, Dean would be the father. As nice as the thought of him being a dad was, I didn’t think that he would react all that well to me being pregnant. We were both career-oriented, but he was nearly obsessed. I had only just gotten him to start relaxing a little.

Feeling even sicker than before, I had to sit on the toilet seat to calm myself. I couldn’t be pregnant. I wasn’t prepared for that! I didn’t want to panic over something that could be nothing, though. I needed to know for certain whether I was pregnant or not because my period hadn’t shown up yet, and that wasn’t good news.

I leaned down and opened up the cabinet doors beneath the sink, looking through some of Hannah’s baskets full of products until my eyes landed on a box of pregnancy tests. I swallowed hard, feeling myself freeze. I was scared of taking the test. I was scared of seeing the result. I didn’t know if I could actually do this.

But I had to. I had to know, so I grabbed one of the pregnancy tests and used it, placing it on the counter once I was done. I put my back to it as I waited for it to work, feeling terrified as the seconds passed by. I didn’t know if I was prepared to be a mother or not right now. I wanted to be one, but that didn’t guarantee that I would be any better than my own mother.

After I was sure that a few minutes had passed, I slowly turned to look at the pregnancy test, seeing the singular word Pregnant stagnant on the small screen. I could only stare at the word for a few moments, trying to process it. It had to be wrong. There was no way.

All at once, it felt like the world crashed down on me. The room around me seemed to spin, and I had to lower myself down to the floor before I collapsed. My hand moved to rest on my stomach as the sound of my heartbeat filled my head. I didn’t expect this to happen. It was too soon, too fast.

What did I tell Dean? The thought almost made me throw up, bile rising in my throat. I didn’t want to push him away, and I was afraid that this might. He wanted kids, but I knew he didn’t want them now. He had too many things to do, too many things taking up his time and energy.

I couldn’t do this alone. The thought of being a single mother in New York City made my head spin, and I had to close my eyes for a moment to try to ground myself. I felt utterly lost, not able to determine what to do next. How was I going to balance work while taking care of a baby? How did I not turn into my mother?

Even if this baby was unexpected, I still wanted to be a good mother. I wanted to take care of it as best as I could and have the family that I wanted. These circumstances just weren’t what I expected. I thought I would have someone by my side through this. I thought maybe this could happen down the line with… Dean.

I had been in here too long. I had to leave, and I meant leave the house. I couldn’t just sit there and act like everything was okay in front of everyone right now. I needed some time to process this, to figure out what to do. I couldn’t do that if people were asking me about my plans for Christmas or about Dean and I’s wedding.

I tossed the pregnancy test in the trash, making sure it wasn’t visible. I didn’t want Dean or any of his family stumbling upon it before I figured out what to do next. I knew that I needed to tell Dean at some point, but we had such a good thing going between us right now. I didn’t want to lose that.

When I left the bathroom, I went over to Dean, leaning over the back of the couch to whisper near his ear.

“Hey, I’m going to head back to the hotel. I’m not feeling well,” I said, not wanting to make a scene while the rest of his family chatted and shared stories from past Christmases. They had no idea how scared I was right now, and I had to give it to myself for acting so casual after having the biggest news of my life suddenly drop on me.

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