Page 38 of His Christmas Gift

AUTUMN

When the guests started to file out of my parent’s house, I figured it was time for me to face my mother.

I had to leave Dean with my father, but I was sure that he could hold his own while I helped my mother clean up the kitchen. I didn’t know why I volunteered in the first place, but I figured it was the right thing to do since she fed us and hosted us.

I felt like a guest in my own childhood home, but it wasn’t like I ever felt like I truly belonged here. I had to tiptoe around my own space. I couldn’t decorate my room however I wanted to. If I put up a poster my parents didn’t like or arranged my furniture in a way they didn’t approve of, they made me change things to what they liked. There was always a standard to meet in this house.

I shot Dean one last look before I stepped into the kitchen, seeing my mother scoop leftover potatoes into a container to store in the fridge for a later time. I was reluctant to be alone with her, but I pushed myself to just do this and get it over with. I headed over to the sink, figuring it was the best way that I could help.

“I’ll get these dishes washed,” I told her as I turned on the hot water, staring down at the sink full of dishes. This would take some time.

“I’ll have more for you in a minute,” my mother replied, now spooning green beans into another container.

I nodded quietly, not saying anything else. If I could do this in silence, that would be for the best. I was nervous about what would come out of her mouth if she decided to break the silence. I opened the dishwasher and got to work, scrubbing a pan under the stream of hot water.

My mother carried a few other pots and pans over to me, dumping them in the sink. Instead of walking off to clean something else, she lingered by my side placing her hand on my back.

“I have to say that I’m proud of you, Autumn,” she said.

I turned to look at her, feeling my heart stop at the sound of her words. I didn’t think that I had ever heard those words from her. They sounded weird in her voice.

“I thought it would never happen, but you started getting your life together and settling down with quite a good man,” my mother continued as she smiled in a proud manner. “It’s about time.”

My heart sank as I lowered my eyes. My movements were automatic and slow as I scrubbed a plate, trying to not act as bothered as I felt about what she said. Of course, she wasn’t proud of anything that I had done. She didn’t care about my career or about my life in the city. She just cared that I found a man to provide for me and to be used as a boasting point for the family.

“I had my life together. I work hard at the gym. I have a decent apartment, and I’m in good health,” I told her, wishing that she would see that there was more to my life than Dean. He made up a part of my heart now, but that was recent. Before him, I had been the one helping at the gym and trying to construct my life the way that I wanted it to be. She just chose to ignore that.

“That’s all good and fine, dear, but this is the best thing that’s happened to you,” my mother said as she leaned her side against the counter, perching a hand on her hip.

I clenched my jaw, biting back a shocked laugh. I could admit that Dean coming back into my life was a wonderful thing that I was actually grateful for. He lit up my world and stood by my side when I needed him to, but I wished my mother could acknowledge all of the other good things in my life too. Dean wasn’t the only thing in my world.

“How would you know? You don’t know anything about my life,” I replied, scrubbing the bottom of a pot extra hard. Anger started to crackle in me as my patience started to tip over. I could be patient with other people, but my parents were a whole other story.

“Well, you’re the one who took off to another city,” my mother sighed.

I hastily placed the pot in the bottom rack of the dishwasher, refusing to meet my mother’s eyes. They always blamed our lack of a relationship on me taking off to New York, but it was actually our lack of a relationship that encouraged me to run off to New York in the first place. They just refused to believe that.

“I knew that I would be happier there. I can do what I want,” I said, keeping my eyes on my hands as they rinsed off a bowl.

“And how has that worked out for you before you met Dean?” my mother asked. Her tone seemed to insinuate that she believed that she got me. She felt like she was right.

“I was happy before Dean showed up. I don’t need a man around to take care of me. I can do that on my own,” I replied, finally turning my head to stare at her hard. She had to get that through her head. She acted like I was drowning before Dean came along and saved me.

“He’s going to give you such a better quality of life, though. You can quit working at a musty, dirty gym and be his biggest support,” my mother told me, acting like her plan was the greatest in the world.

“I can be his biggest support without quitting my job. I love my job. I don’t think it’s one to be ashamed of. I’m sorry I’m not a lawyer, but if you actually knew me, you’d know that’s not a job for me,” I told her sternly. They painted this picture of me in their head when I was born, and they hated that I didn’t look anything like what they created.

“You don’t even know that. You never even tried,” my mother sighed as she shook her head at me. There was that look of disappointment that I was waiting to see. It never failed to show up at some point in any conversation that we had.

“Because I knew early on that I didn’t want to suffer through school to become a lawyer!” I said defensively.

“It’s hard work, Autumn. You have to put in the work to have a good life,” my mother replied, refusing to let go of her stance.

“Just because I didn’t go to law school doesn’t mean that I didn’t work hard to get to where I’m at,” I argued with her. I didn’t know why I was arguing with her in the first place. There was no point, but I couldn’t stand the thought of letting her think that she was right.

“All I’m saying is that you would’ve been able to live more comfortably. Now, Dean can help you live that way,” my mother said, putting her hands up defensively.

I couldn’t help but laugh aloud at that.

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