Page 85 of Surprised By Love

“You let me know if it’s too much, okay, baby?”

“Uh-huh,” I breathe.

“Do you want to go to the bedroom now?” His fingers play with the fabric of my bra, still teasing.

“Alright,” I sit up slowly.

Josh stands up, taking my hand, leading me down the hall to the master bedroom. He pauses for a moment at the doorway and turns to me.

“Everything alright?” I ask, confused at why he stopped.

“Everything is fine,” he says, gazing into my eyes. “I want to make sure—”

I reach up on my tiptoes and kiss him. “I’m sure.”

“This isn’t going to last long,” he whispers, his voice raspy. “I want you so bad.”

“It’s alright,” I quietly giggle. Do I talk to him about my past sexual relationship and how it wasn’t that great and how I think it had everything to do with me? Maybe I should tell him I don’t have high expectations. Sex to me was okay, nothing special or magical.

“Is it okay if I turn on the lamp?”

I nod, having a hard time believing that this is happening. He’s going to see me naked, and that makes me nervous. I’m not like the women he’s dated, I’m curvy and a mom with the stretch marks to prove it.

He flicks on the lamp on the side table and walks back to the doorway where I’m standing. “Come here,” he says, reaching for my hand. I take his hand and he pulls me through the threshold.

“What’s wrong? Are you nervous?” he asks, pressing his mouth to my jaw and then kissing down my neck.

“I want this. Ireallywant this but…”

Josh stops and takes my face in his hands, tilting it up so he can look me in the eye. “But what? We don’t have to do this. I’d be happy to go back and watch the movie. Maybe make out like teenagers, if that’s all you are ready for?”

I shake my head. “No. I want this.”

He looks into my eyes as if searching for something. “Then what’s wrong? Why are you so nervous?”

“The whole sex thing. I’m not good at it.”

He pulls back a little, my head still in his hands as he looks down at me. “Why would you say that?”

I bite my bottom lip. “My ex. He’s the only guy I’ve ever been with, and the sex wasn’t exciting. It got the job done. I got pregnant with Amelia.”

He lets go of my face and takes my hands in his. “It got the job done? Do you think of sex as a chore?”

“Well. no, but it was very basic, mundane. Always around the same time, same day, the same position, and when he finished, it was over.”

He looks at me with sadness in his beautiful eyes.

“It’s okay though,” I spit out before he could say anything. “I don’t like it very much, anyway.”

“You don’t like sex?”

“There were a couple of times it started to feel good, but then it was over.”

“Well, let’s see if I can help change that,” he says, with a devilish grin so hot it could melt ice.

He cups my face in his hands again and kisses my forehead. My eyes close as I take in the gentleness of his touch. His lips settle softly on each of my eyelids, then my cheek. He inhales my scent as his lips move to my jaw. He feather-kisses along my jaw to my chin, then kisses one corner of my lips, then the other before finally bringing his lips to mine for a soft kiss.

I didn’t notice we were moving until the backs of my knees hit the edge of the bed.

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