Page 30 of Chasing Hope

Chapter Eighteen

Ethan pursued the sea of happy faces of parents as they shared hugs and laughter with their young ones. The exhilaration in the air made him nauseous. Ethan swallowed hard and tears of remorse burned the back of his eyes. His lungs evacuated their breath as his heart hauled out its next few beats. His eyes skimmed over a group of elated teenagers who clutched their gleaming new rosaries and bibles to their chests.

In a flash, Ethan was flung into the past.

It was a glorious Sunday afternoon. Warm rays of the sun filtered through the clouds, pouring down on the beautiful stone structure. Located on a small hillock, the church had stood erect for over a hundred years. Pleasant winds rippled from the Arabian Sea and the Mumbai skyline glorified the backdrop of the stately church.

A devoted fourteen-year-old Ethan gazed up at his mother expectantly. And Rebecca Johnson never disappointed. Proud of her son’s efforts, she beamed, exhibiting her dimples. ‘Son, you didso goodtoday. You are the best altar boy I know,’ she said in her sweet-spoken tone. Veneration for his mom showed strong and bright in his eyes. She ruffled his shaggy mop of hair and bent low to kiss his forehead. ‘The bishop, too, was all praises for you. He said you have a pure soul and that someday you will be a saviour of the people.’ Back then Ethan did not comprehend the meaning of that. All that mattered to him was his mother’s happiness. To him the sun rose and set in her eyes. Ethan wrapped his arms around her and rose on his toes to return her kiss. ‘Son, I can’t wait to witness your Catholic confirmation. It’ll be such a beautiful ceremony.’

Ethan’s heart smashed against the walls of his chest as the intensity of his loss hit him.

‘The Lord will forever be your protector.’ Ethan’s eyes sprang open as his mother’s words echoed in his mind. As if validating her statement, the church bells rang rhythmically. Rebecca’s wish to see her son’s confirmation died with her. Tears burned the back of his eyes. The bitter taste of grief made him retch. Ethan had prohibited himself from thinking of the past. The memories ripped open deep scars and his heart bled anew. Ethan’s breath loitered and he worked to pull himself together. Being shackled to his feelings never played in his favour. Even standing in the vicinity of the church caused goosebumps to explode over his skin.

Phoenix’s barks wrested Ethan from his smarting thoughts. Ethan swapped his angry breaths for calmer ones. Phoenix stuck his head out of the car window and gazed at Ethan sensing his tribulation.

‘I’ll be fine buddy. Out of nowhere I was smacked by a distant memory.’ Ethan said, running his hands along Phoenix’s back reassuringly. Phoenix raised his paws and Ethan drew him into a hug. ‘What did I do to deserve you?’ Ethan's voice was thick with emotion. Phoenix licked him, indicating that he, too, loved him like no other. Ethan sighed and held on till his heartbeat sailed at a smooth pace. Something over his shoulder caught Phoenix’s attention and he pounced on the seat, barking excitedly. A trickle of unease crept up Ethan’s spine.

Slowly turning around, Ethan steeled himself as his grandma and Hope accompanied by the Father of the church strode towards him. From across the road Martha smiled at him with an air of assertiveness. There were days when Martha pushed his limits. And Ethan had a strong feeling today was going to be one of those days. Swaddled in white, Father diverted his eyes at Ethan and his mouth lifted in a smile. Ethan jerked off the keen reaction to return the smile. Father stood half a foot shorter than him. An aura of luculent beauty swirled around him like a halo.

‘Ethan, thank you so much for coming. Sorry we kept you waiting,’ Martha said, in a slightly nervous tone. Ethan repudiated the warmth spreading through him as Father bestowed him with another heartfelt smile. Phoenix whimpered as if feeling the same profound tug. ‘Ethan, I’d like you to meetFather Joseph Pinto,’ Martha said, her voice a forced whisper. ‘Father, this is my grandson, Ethan Jacob.’ Father extended his hand, the caring smile never leaving his face. Their hands clasped and Ethan’s heart plummeted as his breath rammed back into his lungs. Heat from the rosary beads wrapped around Father’s hand connected with his skin, setting his palm on fire. A visceral need to crumble in surrender overwhelmed him. In an action beyond his control his hand tightened its hold, enduring the burn that rummaged through him.

‘It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, son.’ Dazed, Ethan tore his gaze away from the gleaming beads and painstakingly withdrew his hand. The void in his heart expanded to the size of an ocean. ‘Martha speaks so highly of you. And I’ve heard so much about you from Hope that I feel I know you as well as she does,’ he said, in a lighthearted tone. Only at the mention of her name did Ethan register Hope’s presence. She and Phoenix were wrapped together in an intimate embrace. Back in her uniform – aGame of Thronest-shirt, faded jeans and white sneakers, she looked like a student fresh out of college. A natural blush of pink lovingly touched her plump cheeks. Their eyes met and Ethan wished they were anywhere else on the planet. He ached to touch and feel her again. And then she went and ruined it all by opening her mouth. A mouth that both infuriated and tempted him in equal parts.

‘That’s only ‘cause he’s the bane of my life,’ Hope said. Her words lacked conviction. ‘Let’s not give him the wrong idea.’ Her mouth parted slyly and Ethan’s pulse hopped a mile a minute. He was thankful for the distraction. ‘Well, let’s just say Aunt Martha and myself share different opinions of you, thereby giving Father a contrasting picture. It shouldn’t take too long for Father to derive his own conclusion. I’d give it ten minutes tops.’ She inched closer to him, mischief dancing in her eyes. At her nearness a zing of desire bolted through him. Great. Now, Ethan was outside the church and his mind raced with improper thoughts.

‘Son, you’ve come this far, would you like to come into the church?’ Ethan’s heart crushed at the sight of Martha nervously twisting her hands. One couldn’t miss the note of desperation in her tone.

Ethan’s eyes tightened. ‘Grandma, I’ve made my stance clear on this,’ he said in a non-negotiable tone.

‘But, son—’

‘Martha, he will seek the Lord when he is ready.’ Fr. Pinto said, sharing with Ethan a kind and understanding look. Fury built in his chest. Martha had no right to discuss his personal grievance with someone else. ‘Son, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted”.’ At those words from the Bible, Ethan’s blood ran cold.

‘Thanks, I’ll pass. I’m doing great on my own.’ At his arrogant reply, Martha tried but failed to hide her sadness. Hope had no such qualm; she openly glared at him. Her gaze was sharp enough to dice him into bite-sized cubes. Phoenix, too, had a look of disappointment. Fr. Pinto was the only one who reacted differently. His gentle eyes bored into him as he laid his palm on Ethan’s shoulder, giving him what he assumed was a comforting squeeze. The cross from Father’s rosary that rested on Ethan’s chest burned a hole through his heart. ‘May the Lord bless and protect you.’

‘Count me out. I neither need his blessing nor his protection. I—’ Martha hissed a warning, stopping him from completing his insolent remark.

What the actual fuck? Ethan was a grown-ass man and no one, absolutely no one, had a say in how he lived his life. Ethan pressed his lips in a thin line and his hands squeezed into fists.

‘As you can see Father, Ethan isn’t a bag full of charm,’ Hope said, tightly. ‘Now you know that my not-so-great opinion of him is not baseless.’ Ethan had had enough of this shit. He did not come here to get insulted.

‘We are leaving.’ His tone was curt. Without so much as a nod of acknowledgement, he spun on his sneakers and rounded the hood of his Audi.

‘I am coming with,’ Hope yelled, behind him.

‘With what?’ Ethan asked.

‘Withyou.’ Hope left a ‘pfft’ in the air. ‘Seriously, you Millennials have a lot of catching up to do.’

‘It’d help if you completed the damn sentence next time.’ Ethan settled behind the wheel and slammed his door shut.

***

All through the ride back home Ethan was met with stone cold silence. Martha sat erect in the passenger’s seat all the while staring out the window. In the back seat, Hope and Phoenix were taking a power nap.

‘You will get a strain in your neck if you continue to twist it at that angle.’ Ethan gave Martha a side eye. He sighed as her narrow shoulders stiffened further. ‘Look, you can’t blame me, alright. I told you I will book you a cab back home.’

‘I can book my own ride, thank you,’ came her firm reply.

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