Page 6 of Stalked

“Idowant to talk to you. I want to tell you everything.” My attempt to mask the fear would only work for so long. That agonizing guilt tore through me as I watched Riley’s expression fall; it made me feel sick. This wasmyfault, and it wasn’t fair to either of us that I kept causing pain.

He gave me a half smile. “I saw how you reacted in the house when I touched you,” he said.

“Sorry about that,” I said shamefully. “I’m on edge tonight.”

The grimace on his face was too painful for me to look at, so I turned my attention toward the water behind the frat house and gently pulled my hand away, cradling it to my chest as I took it all in.

The breathtaking view was what I needed to help settle the emotions running through me. It was calm, almost entirely serene. The river reflected the moonlight, and the slight breeze caused small ripples to wash over the rocks at the shoreline. There was no sign of the shadow figure, and I felt my fear ease a little.

“I wish it was different, Riley.” I ran my hand through my unruly hair. “God, we’ve been dating since we were kids. I honestly tried. I tried to makeuslast, but ever since that night, it hasn’t been the same between us, and I don’t know why. The last three years feel like I’ve imagined it, you know?”

He nodded and slid closer until we almost touched.

“I know you think you did something wrong, but you didn’t,” I said. “Our situation?—us? not being together anymore?—has never been your fault.”

Riley had to have felt it, too. The way we had grown apart. We graduated from high school three years ago. After I almost died, we both pulled away from each other, but I felt like I still needed him around in some way. What I really needed was to heal myself alone, and I was using him to mask that pain and fear. Sex between us wasn’t even the same. My mind would go to a different place, despite the pleasure and intimacy. Something was suddenly missing between us, and I couldn’t figure out what it was.

Not until now.

I’m not in love with him anymore.

Riley smiled and held out his hand to me. I slipped my fingers through his, feeling the heat from the simple touch as he traced circles on my hand with his thumb. I both craved that feeling, and I hated it.

“I know. It’s not either of our faults. It’s hers,” Riley said, nearly whispering the last two words.

He didn’t need to sayhername for my vision to blur.

Riley’s firm grip on my hand seemed to anchor me. “What she did to you was fucked up, and I’ll never be able to fully understand how you feel. I’ll never know what that was like, but I can be here for you. Okay? Please acceptgoodwhen it comes to you.” He got up and kneeled in front of the bench, keeping my hand wrapped between his own. His light blue eyes were clear as he looked up at me. “I want to take care of you, even as your friend. I always have.”

I couldn’t force a sound to get past the lump in my throat. He kneeled there patiently, and I let my free hand cup his cheek for a moment. The wind tousled his blond hair over his eyes, and I gently tucked the locks behind his ear before pulling my hands away.

I gripped the sleeves of my sweater and hugged my arms tight to my chest again. “Okay,” I said. “Understand that today is different, that’s all. I’ll be fine in the morning.”

His expression turned grim, but he nodded.

The two of us had been in so much pain that the happiness we both needed flickered like a small light in the far distance.

Riley stood up and leaned against the pole of the swing, a smile adorning his face. “I still love you.”

“I know. I love you, too,” I hummed, standing up from the bench. I unzipped my red sweater, letting the sleeves fall off my shoulders. Taking a deep breath, I let the moonlight hit my upper chest. Riley’s breath hitched as he watched me trace the two-inch scar; the ugly pink scar rose above my skin. “When I see this scar in the mirror, it reminds me of that night.Tonight, three years ago. It will never go away. The scar might fade or lighten, but it will always be there, strengthening me. I feel more powerful today than I ever have in my entire life, even before the attack.” A tiny smirk touched my lips. “Maybe not tonight, but this anniversary is an exception.”

He reached out, hovering his fingers over the scar. “Does it still hurt?” he asked with genuine concern.

I shrugged. “Not really. It’s just a scar now. It’s not like she can hurt me anymore through this wound.” I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “I do dream about it, though, from time to time,” I said. “I replay the scenes repeatedly in my head. I can still hear the music from the graduation party. All of it.”

My mind drifted to that night, the memories pouring in.

Cami and Shannon hosted our school’s after-graduation party at Cami’s home—it was everything I hoped it would be. We danced until we couldn’t feel our legs; we sang until our voices cracked. I had given finals my everything, and I didn’t have anything else to worry about.

I remember every moment I had with Riley that night in the back of his dad’s pickup truck. We had snuck out of the party to have a moment alone. I remember how his hands roamed down my body and between my legs, inching their way to the spot that ached for his touch. The heat from his mouth caressed up and down my neck, sending a tingling sensation through my entire body until I surrendered to him. The pleasure was warm and full of love, awakening every fragment of my body.

I left Cami’s house shortly after two in the morning, dead on my feet. Between dancing all night and pulling all-nighters for finals earlier that week, I wanted nothing more than to pass out on my bed.

I quietly made my way through the house, walking straight to my room—face-planting onto my pillow without getting undressed.

The sound of the ticking clock was starting to lull me asleep, and I let my mind wander. The wind could be heard through my open bedroom window, and I had nearly drifted off when I heard a floorboard creak.

Rubbing my eyes, I called out, “Mom? I just got back. Sorry if I worried you.”

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