Page 35 of Heartbeat

It was a wonder anyone would be interested in having sex with me, really.

“Like…this one?” I pointed to a photo of me at Disneyland, posing next to a walrus named Bert, absolutely beaming. “Two minutes before this, my mom gave me the biggest slap on the head because I kept fighting with Noah; two minutes after it was taken, I tripped and fell. Broke my arm in three places.”

“Oh,” he said, still looking at the photo.

“But it’s actually a bad example because the happiness in that photo in particular? That’s real. I fucking loved that walrus.” I hoped to reverse the damage.

He smiled, thank God.

On the third floor, we passed Liam’s bedroom door, which was always shut. I thought it best not to mention it. Ever since he died, no one had been inside it for too long; no one had ever wanted to go in for an extended amount of time. It was funny, but for the first time, I felt like walking in. What was even stranger was that I wanted to have Ethan join me.

He followed me into Noah’s room. The Dungeon, as my dad called it. It was a typical adolescent boy’s bedroom, with clothing scattered along the floor, pictures of girls, bands, and movie posters on the walls. The occasional item of what used to be some kind of food was still out, not rotting per se, but well on the path.

“Interesting,” he said, looking around.

“Don’t go too far, otherwise I won’t find you,” I warned him, earning myself another smile.

“Does your brother have a pet or something?”

“No. Why?”

“I think I saw something move.”

I chuckled as I went over to the dresser.

Noah’s dresser was the only piece of furniture that wasn’t an absolute mess. Quite the opposite, in fact; it was fucking pristine. Hardly anything rested on top of it except for a photo of him, Liam, and me, as well as a Swiss army knife that used to belong to Liam. As I kept opening drawers, I was surprised at how organized they were. Everything was color coded and sorted by size, and I wasn’t ashamed to admit I took some pleasure in noticing it, if only because it meant I wasn’t the only disturbed individual in the family. It was in a sock drawer (I know, no imagination) containing only gray and stripped socks, that I saw it.

“Found it!” I said, holding up a pack of Trojans.

Ethan raised both eyebrows and smiled.

At my room, as soon as I closed the door, Ethan grabbed me by the waist and pulled me close, kissing me. I slowly started walking backward until the back of my knees hit the bed.

“W-wait,” I said.

I didn’t know where the will came from because I’d never been so turned on by someone in my life. I was pretty sure I could get off just by kissing him.

“What?” Ethan asked, breathing heavily and unbuttoning my jeans—this time like a pro.

“You know I’m crazy, right?”

“What?”

“I mean, are you sure you want this? Because it’s the last time I’m going to try convincing you that I’m a bad idea.”

“Good,” he said. “’Cause I’m not changing my mind.” He shook his head.

He sounded so certain.

I took his hand and spun him around so he could sit on the edge of the bed. I got on top of him, lifting my legs, each knee on either side of him, and sat on his lap, resting both hands squarely on his chest.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said softly, gazing up at me as my hair fell on the sides of his face. It made me want to kiss him even more.

And I did. For a good five minutes.

It was then that I realized I’d be absolutely fine with doing just that, kissing him for hours on end. He had the nicest lips, fuller than mine and a bit smaller—and they were so pink. Such an intense shade of pink that kept turning this deep red the longer I kissed him. I was almost out of breath when he pulled away and pressed my sides firmly.

“Can I fuck you?” he asked, eyes closed. “Let me fuck you,” he all but begged, kissing me again.

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