Page 84 of Reckless Liar

“You’re supposed to say that. You’re my mom,” I remarked.

“I know, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to see the good in another person, as long as you hold yourself to the same standard.”

“I don’t feel like such a good person right now,” I whispered.

“Because of Alexander?” Her face softened. “Do you love him?”

“I do,” I whispered.

“Well then.” She frowned at me. “When you two figure things out, you bring him around for dinner, okay?”

“There’s nothing to figure out, mom. It’s over,” I mumbled.

She patted my hand softly. “Don’t be so sure, sweetie. If you care for each other the way I think you do, it’ll work out. When it’s meant to be, it will happen.”

I laughed through my tears, “I never took you for such a hopeless romantic, Mom.”

She reached forward, wiping the tears off my cheeks with her thumbs. “Of course, I am sweetie. That’s probably why I was always so hard on Max. I knew what you deserved. I wanted the fairytale for you, and Max could never give you that.”

I wrapped my hands around hers, holding them tight. “If this is a fairytale, I’m pretty sure I’m the villain.”

She laughed softly. “Nowyou’rebeing melodramatic. It’s going to work out.”

I wanted to believe my mother, but in the weeks that followed, Xander wouldn’t return my phone calls or my texts. I wrote him a letter, but he sent it back to my parents’ house unopened. Scarlett offered to talk to him, but I told her I wouldn’t risk any more friendships over what happened.

This heartbreak was different from anything I’d experienced before. When fighting with Max it felt as if the ground opened beneath me and I was falling, it was all encompassing and suffocating. With Max it was the kind of pain that warranted wailing, breakdowns in the store, getting drunk and making bad decisions. It was a child’s pain and my reaction to it was childish.

The moment Xander walked out the door, I felt a physical ripping down my chest. The pain was so intense, I lost my breath from it all. The mere memory of his words cut through me anew. I couldn’t fully heal from it. It was a quiet torture that followed me around, drowning me. I couldn’t share my pain; I couldn’t talk about it. I was far into the waves, and I alone had taken myself in so deep.

OntheeveofScarlett and Emma’s wedding, Scarlett surprised me by asking me to come to her mother’s house before we traveled to Emma’s family home for the rehearsal. When I arrived, she pulled me into her room, asking for my opinion about several dresses before I stopped her.

“What’s this about? You know I can’t help you with fashion. That’s your department.”

She sank down on the papasan chair across from me. “I know. I was trying to ease into telling you...”

When she didn’t finish, I quirked an eyebrow. “Tell me what?”

“I was hoping you’d be okay walking with Xander tomorrow, or tonight. I mean you’ll practice tonight and then do it again tomorrow.”

My face grew hot, “Oh.” I’d known that Scarlett asked Xander to be in the wedding.

“I thought I was going to walk with Troy?” Scarlett was having Xander and I on her side of the altar and Emma had her cousin and Troy on her side.

“I guess Emma’s mom and the wedding planner already printed the program books. They’re insistent we stick to what’s written.” She paused, her brow creasing. “If it’s going to be too hard for you, let me know now. I can fight it. I didn’t mention it at first because I thought you guys...”

“That we’d be back together?” I finished.

She sighed and glanced away. “Well, yeah. I mean you guys are meant to be. I know it. How can the both of you be so stubborn right now?”

“Me? I’m stubborn? I’ve been trying to talk to him. I sent him messages. I called him. I even sent him an actual pen and paper letter with a stamp and everything. It’s been almost a month and I haven’t heard a single thing from him.”

“Yeah, but you did all that the first week, when he was still mad. Then you hid out at your parents’ house and have someone else box up all your things. Someone else move everything. You left and you haven’t been back.”

I put a hand up. “I don’t need to be reminded how badly I screwed everything up, Scarlett. I am aware.”

She frowned at me. “I don’t think you screwed it up by yourself...”

I started to interject but she shot me a quieting look. “Could you have been more forthcoming? Maybe. But you have to realize how insecure Xander is.”

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