Page 38 of Reckless Liar

“You know I’d do that right?” he asked softly. I nodded at him, too confused at how to react—I wanted to step away from him, I wanted to touch his hand, to pull him closer to me. He took my silence as encouragement, taking a small step forward toward me. “You should let me take care of you sometimes, Ana.”

My heartbeat pounded in my ears; heat rushed through my body. Those words, so sweet, I wanted to believe them, but I knew better than to trust myself. “You do enough. You do more than enough for me Xander. I ask too much from you,” I replied, trying to get us on even footing.

“You’re wrong. I don’t do enough.”

“We’re not talking about fruit anymore, are we?” I whispered, stupidly.

He shook his head. “You deserve so much more. You deserve to be put first.”

I could sense where this was going, and I wasn’t ready to hear it from Xander.

He stepped closer still, closing the space between us until I could feel his heat against me. “You know, Max never respected you. He always allowed you to come second to his wants. He never put you first.”

“And I let him,” I finished. “Don’t make me a victim here, Xander.”

“He never respected what you wanted and I...”

Suddenly I was angry. How was what Xander saying any different from what Max did to me? I needed time, I needed to figure out exactly how I felt before I let him swoop in. One of us had to be rational about this.

“You what? Is this you respecting what I want right now?” I shot back. “Maybe, right now, what I want is some goddamn space. I’m starting to feel like you’re trying to do exactly what Max did. You’re not letting me have a choice in this.”

He stepped back as if the words stung. “Yes, I am. You are always going to be the one to decide how this goes. Whatever you want...”

“Maybe what I want is some peace. Can you handle that?”

“Of course...”

“Maybe what I want is to date another man, could you respect that?” I asked. I felt emboldened by my words.

“If I...” he trailed off, I could read the pain on his face. “If you needed that, then yes.”

I gulped, as I studied his face. The heartache written all over it. “I’m not saying I’m going to date someone else right now, Xander.”

“You’re not?” he asked softly.

“No. But...” I stepped closer to him, putting my hand on his chest. “Look, whatever this is between us? I don’t know what it is. But I can’t risk you over my loneliness. I’m just now accepting that I’m going to have to put myself out there. For so long I thought Max was going to be the last man I’d ever kiss. I still need to get used to the idea that I’m going to meet someone new, that I’m going to kiss another man.”

He was silent, allowing me to explain myself. “Does that make sense?”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “I guess it does.”

“I need time. I need to know that how I feel is real. That it’s not unsatisfied urges and a lack of human touch. I need to know this is more than a physical need.”

He placed a hand over mine, gripping my hand in his. “But you do feel something? Last night wasn’t some fluke?” he asked, his voice quavering.

“No, there’s something. I feel it too. I do.”

“What do you feel?” he asked expectantly.

I smiled at him, “Do you need me to say that last night I was attracted to you? Is that what you want? Because I was. It took all I had not to turn around when you stopped me at my door.” I thought about his mouth on the back of my neck, the way his hands felt against my skin. Tingles ran through my body.

“I feel like you and I have been dancing around this for a long time. There’s been something between us, and I feel like I screwed it up that night we were drinking whiskey. So, when you came to me last night...” he trailed off.

“I’m scared, Xander. I’m really scared. There is a lot to consider here. And no matter how physically attracted to you I may be, you’re still my friend. If this didn’t work, what would that leave me with? I’m not ready to risk it yet.”

“I will take whatever you want to give me. I’m okay with that now. If you don’t want to be more than friends, I can handle that. I’ll spend a long time getting over you, probably always consider you the one that got away, but I’ll do it. For you, I’d do it.”

I couldn’t look at him, couldn’t hear the declarations he was giving me. I glanced at the clock behind him. “I need to get to work. But we’re okay, right?”

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