Page 86 of Reckless Liar

Our footsteps were in perfect sync as we walked down the makeshift aisle lined with cedar boughs and ivy. Pam had us run through the procession several times. The whole time, I had to stand next to him with my arm laced in his. It was the perfect torture.

After our fourth run-through we were sent to the benches as they discussed the verbiage used in the vows. I was sure Xander would flee again or look for another errand he could run to get away from me. I was surprised when he sank into the spot next to me on the bench. He wasn’t close enough to touch, but I could feel him all the same. He was looking away from me, staring at Scarlett and Emma with a forced concentration that led me to believe he may sense me the same way I sensed him. From the corner of my eye, I studied him thoughtfully.

“You cut your hair,” I remarked, the words escaping before I thought about how silly they sounded. The first thing I said to him after so long was about his hair—good job, Ana.

He raised a hand to his head, rubbing his scalp. “Uh, yeah. Scarlett asked me to clean myself up for the wedding.”

I wanted to say that I liked his hair longer, that I liked the way the curly blond tendrils would fall across his forehead as he slept, or the way they felt against my fingers when he’d kiss me. I rubbed my fingers together in my fists, trying not to think about touching him. “It looks good.”

We sat there, looking around the yard for something else to talk about and falling short. The urge to touch him, to say all the words I wanted to say, was pressing through me. I studied the waves as they rolled onto the beach bringing a line of seaweed against the shore. I concentrated on the assurance that Pam would try her best to rid the shoreline of the invasive plant before the ceremony tomorrow.

We were saved by Pam’s call to resume practicing. He was silent for the remainder of the rehearsal and disappeared into the house for a while, only returning later to sit at the opposite side of the long table when dinner was about to start. I watched him engage in a long conversation with Emma’s father. Once he glanced over at me and caught me looking at him. I could see him blushing red when he saw me. Though not nearly as red as I was for getting caught. Scarlett tried to get me into the conversation but after a few failed attempts she left me to wallow in my puddle of self-pity and anxiety.

Afterward, I walked alone to my car, my maid of honor dress slung over my arm. I fumbled with my bag, trying to fish my keys out of my purse while simultaneously not allowing the dress to touch the ground. I stiffened when I heard footsteps behind me. I glanced up and noticed Xander’s truck parked in the only spot that was left—directly behind my car.

I debated getting into my car without acknowledging him, but he was too close to pull off that kind of evasiveness without looking like a complete weirdo. I held my key fob in my hand, clicking the unlock button three times before opening my door. I could hear Xander’s footsteps slowing as he must’ve realized that I was standing there. I threw my purse and sweater on the passenger seat before turning to face him. Xander stopped in front of me with a pinched expression.

“Hey,” he mumbled.

“Hey,” I replied.

We stared at each other for a long moment. As he shoved his hands in his front pockets, a breeze whipped through the street, blowing the cherry blossoms off the trees to drift down the road. A single petal fell into his hair, balancing on top of the one section of curls that was lighter than the rest of his hair. I fought the urge to move forward and pluck it out of his hair. That was an intimate gesture, and I no longer had the right to do that.

I opened my mouth to say something, but I wasn’t sure how to form the words. All the things I wanted to say lingered between us.

“Tomorrow should be fun,” I offered, hating the stilted way the air settled between us. I dragged the tip of my keys against my palm, scoring the skin in three lines before lacing my finger through the ring and letting them fall in a jangle.

“Yeah. I’ll be kind of glad when it’s over, though. It’s a lot of work and Scar’s got me running around all over the place, like I’m an errand boy.”

If we were on better terms, I would have teased him that he liked being her errand boy. But I couldn’t do that now. I glanced away from him, rubbing my key fob in my hand. “I know what you mean. I love my dress but it’s not the most comfortable thing to wear. I hope I don’t pop out of it.”

“I’m sure you’ll look great.”

I let out an awkward laugh, trying to mask my reaction to such nice words from him. I couldn’t allow myself to hope. “Yeah, we’ll see.”

“Ana, I mean it.” Xander leaned forward, his hand came up to pinch a tendril of hair that fell across my forehead. I held my breath as he tucked it behind my ear. His eyes watched his fingers, still avoiding my eyes. “You looked really nice today.”

My breath caught in my throat, and I watched his face as he steadied his hand and drew away from me, stepping back. He shoved his hands back in his pockets and glanced at his truck.

“Thanks,” I replied, my voice throatier than I wanted it to be. “You, too.”

Finally, mercifully he looked me in the eye. We stared at each other, locked together in a moment of longing. He opened his mouth as if to say something then closed it, stepping away from me. “I should head home. We got a big day tomorrow.”

He ran a hand through his hair, trying to muss curls that weren’t there any longer.

I knew I should look away. I knew I should keep it casual, but I could still feel the static of his hand on my hair. I could still smell the scent of wood on his skin. “It was good seeing you, Xan.” I stepped forward and touched his right arm lightly. “Great, in fact.”

He looked down at my hand and I saw his jaw flex. His left hand came up and for a moment I thought he was going to take my hand in his. Instead, it moved to cup the back of his neck. He stepped back and my hand fell from his arm, dropping between us. “Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The rejection stung, burning cold in my chest. I turned away, throwing the dress across my passenger seat, not even caring if it got wrinkled at that point. I slammed the door shut and rushed past Xander, not able to look at him again. I could feel his eyes on me as I climbed into my car. In the rear-view mirror, I saw him disappear into his truck. There was a moment when I thought he was staring at my car. For a second, I thought our eyes had locked, but when I adjusted the mirror to get a better look, his truck turned on and he drove away.

Chapter thirty

“It's an affront to the sanctity of marriage.” -Father Corenda, priest of St.Olaf's, 2003.

WhileIwastheonly woman standing up with Scarlett, she invited a few girlfriends to get ready with us. We had a great time, reminiscing, drinking, and helping each other with makeup. By the time the wedding was about to start, I’d been primped and preened over, my hair pinned and sprayed. My nails were painted a soft lilac, all the while drinking mimosas with little flower garnishes. In all the revelry I almost forgot about how cold Xander had been the night before or how nervous I should be at seeing him again.

I slid my dress over my body. I was unsure about the style when Scarlett picked it out, but sure enough, the deep purple Grecian style dress fit like a glove. The top was a little tight. I probably should’ve gone on the diet I kept saying I’d go on. But I was happy with my reflection. For a moment, I wondered if Xander would think I looked pretty, then I chided myself for the thought. He made his opinion clear the night before.

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