Page 56 of Reckless Liar

I glanced over at him as he turned his head to look at me. “I like it. Trust me, I like it too much. But...”

Xander rolled to his side to face me completely and sighed. “I know what you’re going to say Ana.”

“I’m a mess and I’m stringing you along. I know I am. It’s not fair to you. I don’t know when I’ll be ready...” Xander pulled my hand to his mouth and kissed my palm, calming me.

“What can I do? What will it take for you to trust we can be good together?”

“Trust?” I laughed. “Honestly? I don’t trust anything about this.” I admitted.

“You don’t trust me? Is that the issue?” he asked, incredulous.

I scoffed. “Of course, I trust you, Xander. I don’t trust myself—I don’t trust that the way that I’m feeling is real. I don’t trust that I’m making the right choice.”

“You don’t think I’m right for you?” he asked softly.

I wanted to lie and tell him he was hearing me wrong, but I couldn’t lie, not to Xander. “I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. After everything I found out about Max, I don’t feel like I’m the best judge of character. If I could trust him so explicitly and he could do all those things—if I could stand back and let him—it makes me question my judgment. Does that make sense?”

He shook his head. “I’m not Max. You know that. I’ve never been Max.”

“I know you’re not Max. But I’m still me. Or at least part of me is. I don’t feel likeIknow who I am now.”

“I know who you are,” he whispered. “If you need to be reminded, ask me.”

Chapter twenty-two

“I didn't hear my phone ring.” -Ana to her mother.

Istoodinthebathroom in my bra and underwear, brushing my damp hair. I glanced at the clock on my phone where my carefully curated “getting ready” playlist was mid-cycle. I still had thirty minutes before I needed to leave to meet Scarlett for coffee. I tipped my head upside down and started blowdrying my hair.

“Hey,” a voice yelled.

I dropped my hairdryer on the ground and whirled around. Xander stood in the doorway to my bathroom, leaning against the door jamb.

“You scared me!”

“Sorry.” He glanced away and I realized that I was only wearing my underwear. He’d seen me like this before. It covered as much as my swimsuit would, not to mention our make-out session had veered in that territory. Still, I grabbed a robe off the wall and shrugged it on quickly.

“What’s up?” I asked, trying to keep my voice as calm as I could.

“I...um. It’s nothing, forget about it...” he went to turn, and I grabbed his arm, pulling back.

“No, what’s up? It’s obviously important.” I bent down to pick the hair dryer up off the floor, winding the cord around my hand in a figure eight.

He sighed heavily. “I was thinking about what you said the other day.” I furrowed my brow and waited for him to go on. He grimaced, then spoke quickly, as if he needed to get the words out fast or they would disappear. “I want to make sure you know that you deserve better. You deserve to be cherished, Ana, to be adored.”

“God, Xander, why do I keep hearing that? Why does everyone feel the need to explain to me what I deserve or what I want?” I sat down on the edge of my bathtub and looked up at him. “I don’t need to be taken care of, Xander. I mean it when I say I can take care of myself. What I need is respect. I’m not perfect. I’m not this angel you’ve built up in your mind. I don’t want to be cherished. Did you ever consider that?”

He was quiet for a moment as my words sank in. He walked over, sitting on the edge of the tub with me. I took his hand in mine.

“I don’t know what to say to that.”

“You think I don’t know how people see me? They think I was blind. Poor little Liliana Pryce. So blindly in love with that awful boy from the wrong side of town. It’s a cliche, fodder for the town gossip mongers at a hushed Ridgewood Pearl lunch conversation when my mom leaves the table to use the bathroom. I’m sure it’s all exciting for everyone else, but to me.

“For so long I thought that what Max and I had was kismet. It didn’t matter what I wanted. Or even what you wanted. If Max wanted me, then Max had me. It was bigger than all of us. In the end, our opinions never mattered.”

Xander pressed his lips together as he ran a hand through his curls, mussing them up. I reached over and smoothed a particularly unruly section. “Xan, don’t act like you don’t know that it’s true. He didn’t have any more control than you did. He probably had less. It’s like it was never up to me. It was never up to either of us. Max, me, you... this always how it was, this is how it had to go.”

“But it’s us. Now it’s you and me.”

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