Page 46 of Butterfly Effect

I am, however, not one of those people who want to talk about my feelings. Especially not in front of a classroom filled with people.

There is no certain degree I am aiming towards; right now, I am getting the basics done and hope the right career will find me. But that line of thinking rarely works out for me. Eventually, I will have to decide what occupation is going to make me depressed and unfulfilled at forty. There are too many options.

Lad texted me he would pick me up after class and I don’t hate the friendship we have going on between us. It’s nice.

The girl who cries during one of those dog shows is up on stage now, then I listen to a man who is dual distance between handsome and brooding. His words are stronger. But I see Lad waiting by the door, so I wave him in to sit down beside me until class is over.

No one minds, the professor is too in the mood for any disruptions.

“Sometimes in the morning, the world gets brighter.” The presenter lifts a hand to the sky.

“Yeah, because of the sunrise.” Lad tears this guy’s first sentence a part.

“At night the sky dims and we are left in darkness.” The other arm goes up.

“Again, my dude, it’s the sun.” Lad throws an arm over my chair.

“Why this happens we may never know the secrets to which our riddles beg to be answered.” I give this dude points for trying to be philosophical.

“Problem solved, it’s the sun. Alex, I’ll take what is the burning hot fireball in the sky for twenty million.” Lad whispers against my ear and I shiver in the best places.

“Oh, I am sorry, we were looking for the Latin word Solis. Better luck next time.” I shift my head to make the comment back to him.

Lad smiles at me and I swear he is about to kiss me in public. Shit, I think I might like him more than a little bit; this will not look good on for my bad composure.

“If I tell you a secret, will you make fun of me?” Lad’s eyes hover on my thigh as he draws circles with his finger.

“Probably.” Speaking the truth.

“That’s great, it’s one of the reasons I love you.” Lad laughs into my hair, and I like this comfortable banter between us.

“Ridiculous.” Pretending my heart didn’t stutter when he said he loved me.

~

Lad is sick, like truly, really, life threatening sick right now. I found him in the bathroom shivering and I helped him back to the bed, but now I am terrified.

“Lad, maybe I should take you to the hospital?” I don’t know if I should call his dad or not. He is coming into town tomorrow for work, maybe he will be better at this than me.

“Stop, I don’t feel good. No hospital.” He grabs my hand and I sit down next to him. I move his sweaty hair away from his forehead.

“What’s wrong?” I don’t know if it was the orange chicken I made for dinner that made him feel this way, but I feel fine. But I have always known I was stronger than him in every way possible.

“Withdrawals.” He hurls the word out and I forgot about the bigger issue at hand. “I lied.” His words covered in a stutter to match his shaking body.

“Lied?” It’s the first squeeze to my heart that doesn’t feel good between us.

“I got more pills, but then I stopped again. I can’t go through withdrawals again, Aly. Stay with me, promise?” Lad tangles his arms around my body, but I am the one shaking now.

“What do I do?” Anything, I don’t want him to suffer, even if he isn’t strong enough to help himself. I can find a way to ease it.

Lad leans over the bed and throws up.

“Fuck, I hate this.” He pulls the covers over his head and I step over the vomit to grab my phone.

Bambi is my first call, and I can’t think straight to explain, so I use the words I can for now.

“Bam, it’s Lad, he is going through withdrawals, painkillers I think, I think Oxys and Hydro’s.” The bottle is empty, but he has fooled me before with a similar trick of words.

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