Page 31 of Her Warrior Fae

It hurt like hell to turn my back on her. How could I just walk away? My head shouted at me to give her what she needed: space and time, just like Ellie had said. My heart shouted at me to turn back and help Nylah, to be there for her.

“You’re not leaving,” Nylah’s sharp voice sounded behind me, and that made the final decision for me. As I walked down the hallway, back the way I’d come, my heart sank.

That woman wasn’t Nylah. The kindness and goodness, the gentle soul that defined the woman I loved, wasn’t there.

Where the hell had she gone?

9

NYLAH

The days all melted into each other, and the cathedral started to feel like a prison. I woke up in the mornings with the strange sensation of hope within me, but when I blinked my eyes, looking around, I didn’t recognize my surroundings, and the hope slowly faded.

When I stared at myself in the mirror, I recognized the face staring back at me. I knew who I was, although at the same time, I had no idea.

I sat at my dresser and brushed my long hair. The motion was soothing, and I knew I’d done this a thousand times. It felt good to do something that was familiar—these days, nothing was.

The only familiar thing had become the walls that kept me locked away from the world beyond, the sound of guards being changed at my door, and Ellie’s frequent visits.

It was thanks to Ellie that these past days hadn’t been completely terrifying, and I’d started to rely on her visits. She always reached out to me, coming to see me, and she always brought something with her—a book to read that I used to love, or a holo-movie to watch of people I used to admire. She would tell me stories of things gone by—how I’d helped her adjust when she’d come to the palace as a prisoner, and how I’d taught her to unlock her magic.

I liked her stories, but some of them were hard to swallow. She kept telling me how I was a priestess, a healer. She told me how I had visions and deciphered prophecies, and how I’d brought back so many who had been on the verge of death.

When I looked down at my hands, I couldn’t imagine wielding as much magic as Ellie talked about. I couldn’t see myself being the ethereal being that she described, the person who’d helped so many. I felt useless. I was nothing but a shell of a person everyone else saw when they looked at me.

I felt the power. I knew it was within me, somewhere. Sometimes, a rush of magic washed over me, warm like a summer’s breeze, and I bathed in it, but it usually withdrew as quickly as it came.

I shook my head and stood, running my hands down the mint green dress I’d put on today. The clothes in my closet were all familiar, but I still felt foreign in them.

The only other thing I’d come to hope for was the face of the man who came to see me all the time.

After Dex had snuck into my cathedral more than a week ago, he’d kept coming back, even though he wasn’t allowed to be here. At first, he’d scared me. He was colossal, a true warrior with scars on his face and arms, the proof that he’d fought, conquered,killed.

The more I got to know him, though, the more I saw something else in him, something kind and gentle underneath his rough and rugged appearance.

Ellie didn’t want anyone else to come to me. Dex came to see me without her knowing, and the thrill was in its secrecy. He never stayed long, but I enjoyed every minute of his visits. He’d tell me stories about my past and how much I meant to the kingdom. On most visits, he brought me gifts—herbal teas, desserts he said I enjoyed in the past, and sweet wine that thrilled my taste buds.

It felt good to do something, tofeelsomething, other than lost all the time, with something on the tip of my tongue that I just couldn’t grasp.

I was ready for a day of…what? What did I do every day? Ellie had told me I spent time in reflection and prayer, but I didn’t know what I reflected on. There was a gap where someone important should have been. Ellie had also said I studied scrolls of old and learned from the past, but I hadn’t touched those books yet. What good could I do by learning about the pasts of others if I couldn’t even remember my own?

I walked to the library where Ellie had found me. I ran my hand over the table with its books and papers, the holographic screen that was used for communication with others, and the ink and quill that stood next to it. Everything in this palace, in my cathedral, seemed to be an amalgamation of the past and the future—the old and the new coming together.

The tomes and scrolls Ellie had found on the floor close by when she’d found me were neatly stacked on one of the shelves. I walked to them and ran my hand over the brittle paper. The pages were filled with magic—they whispered something to me when I touched them that I didn’t understand. I had the sense there was something within those pages that would have been an answer to the woman I’d been before, but now, they meant nothing.

A sound made me jerk my head up. The cathedral and all its sounds were still new to me, even though I’d been here for days now. I still felt like a stranger, an intruder.

The sound had been nothing more than a creak of a door or a window. It could well have been the wind, but I sensed something…someone. I tensed, every muscle tight in my body.

How could I defend myself if someone came to attack me? I knew I was a powerful being, wielding magic, but I didn’t know how to do it. Damn it, I didn’t know how to do anything.

“Hello?” I called out.

Dex stepped through the door, and I sagged a little, the tension bleeding from me.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said.

I shook my head. “Everything scares me.”

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