Page 68 of Lost in You

Alex helps me change into my sweats before the crew comes in to pack up my things. We are due in another city tomorrow and have a long night ahead of us. Alex packs my essentials for me while I gather my purse. We walk arm in arm out of the dressing room and down the long hall to the bus. When we pass Cole’s dressing room, it’s empty. He’s likely already asleep on the bus. Lucky him.

We step outside and the flashbulbs are instant. People yell my name and grab at my clothes, startling me. The media isn’t supposed to be back here and I can’t help but think Ian set this up because of what Cole said to him.

Questions are flying at me right and left about Cole, which I’ve learned to ignore, but when one says Ryan’s name, I freeze. Cameras go off, the constant clicking sound of the shutter irritating me.

“Who’s Ryan Stone?” a reporter asks. I’m dumbfounded, unable to move. I feel Alex pushing me, her other arm blocking my line of sight, but I don’t move. He told them. Ian told the reporters his name. Something he promised he’d never do. Ryan’s name is repeated over and over again as if my silence is answering all their questions. It won’t matter what I say from here on out, they will hunt him down like vultures until they find out who he is.

I’m lifted off the ground and carried onto the bus. I bury my face into Cole’s neck as he mutters death threats and Ian’s name. He carries me to our room, the room we’ve been sharing on the bus under the pretense that we’re a couple because Ian says you can never trust your own crew. He lays me down and slides in behind me.

Alex walks in and hands him something. “Here, get her to take this; it will help her sleep and maybe forget.”

“Somehow I doubt that,” he says.

The door clicks quietly. I sigh and wonder where the tears are. How come I’m not crying?

“Can you sit up?” he asks as he adjusts behind me.

“I’ll be okay.”

“I have no doubt, but you need some sleep and your mind will race all night and I need sleep, too, so your tossing and turning will just piss me off.”

“You’re so kind,” I say as I sit up and take the pill and glass of water from him. He smiles as he downs the rest of my water. Jerk. He leans over and kisses me on the forehead. He lingers there for a moment before pulling away. I know he wants more, but I can’t. Not with him.

He turns his head slightly and looks at me. “I’m sorry I fucked us up.” With that he gets up and leaves me alone in the room. I hear the bus start up and wonder if Cole has decided to drive it himself, leaving Ian behind. Wouldn’t that be such a nice surprise?

I lie back down and close my eyes. I hope that I don’t dream, because if I do it will be nothing but a nightmare until I wake up.

When the sun blasts through the window I think Cole forgot to shut the curtains. I roll over, only to find he isn’t in bed and hasn’t been according to the untouched sheets on his side. I look around and realize we aren’t on the bus anymore, but in a hotel room. I get out of bed and hit the bathroom, brushing my hair and teeth and washing my face. My eyes are red and puffy from too much crying and not enough water before going to bed. I’m going to end up paying for it tonight.

I open my door quietly and step out of the room. The suite is smaller than what we usually stay in. Alex is up and reading in the chair by the window. She smiles at me before continuing to read.

“Where’s Cole?”

“His room is across the hall.”

“How’d we get here?” I ask as I pour myself a glass of orange juice.

“The bus broke down last night. You were passed out cold. Cole carried you up here.”

“Where’s Ian?”

“He’s meeting us at the venue later. He decided to fly.”

I nod. “Must be nice of me to pay that bill for him.”

I sit down on the non-descript brown couch that is uncomfortable against my bare legs. I pull out my phone and look at my calendar alert,Ryan’s Birthday. I should’ve deleted it when I removed him from my life, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

“I’m going to go take a shower,” I announce. I don’t wait for Alex to acknowledge me before I’m up and moving back to my room. I shut the door and lock it. Pulling out my phone I look up the contact information for my cell account. I turn on some music so no one can hear me talking. When customer service comes on I ask them to activate Ryan’s number and as easy as that is, I feel apprehensive about what I’m doing.

I jump in the shower quickly so I don’t cause suspicion. I change into shorts and a t-shirt and let my hair air-dry. I have no idea where we are or how much longer we’ll be here, but I don’t care. The press saw me at my worst last night; I’m done caring. When I come out of my room, Cole is standing at the bar, making his breakfast. It doesn’t escape my notice that he’s shirtless, his sweatpants hanging way too low to be legal.

Alex is napping in the chair with her book resting on her chest. I can’t imagine she got much sleep last night. I’m such a great friend, not. I take this opportunity to pull up Ryan’s name and hit send. It rings and rings, but no voicemail. Maybe he never set it up or more likely I never showed him how to so why would he bother with such a thing? I textHappy Birthday, Ryan.I want to add more, but I don’t think we can adjust back into any type of relationship. I watch as my text says delivered and know he’ll get it when he has a chance to look at his phone. I hope that wherever he ran away to, he brought his charger. He had to know once this day came, I’d reach out to him, even if I didn’t know it myself.

“Who are you are calling?”

I look up at Cole and send my phone into sleep mode. “No one. I was just texting my mom.”

He looks at my questioningly, but doesn’t say anything as he walks to the table to sit down. I walk over to the balcony and look out the window and watch cars pass. We must be near the highway.

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