Page 48 of Lost in You

TOO LATE!

I storm out of the library, the door slamming against the wall, almost hitting Dylan. I stop and look at her, she’s rubbing her arm, but I don’t care. I can’t even comprehend what she’s doing here. She knew what I’d find and encouraged me to look. Why would she do that? Does she hate Hadley that much or is she trying to hurt me?

She yells my name as I stalk down the hall. I don’t know if she’s following me. I lose myself in the swarm of kids coming out of the cafeteria. Their talking drowns out her voice. I don’t want to talk to her right now, or even see her. I can’t get over the fact that she knew.

My phone goes off again and this time I answer it hearing Hadley’s cries. I want to scream and tell her to shut up because I don’t want to hear it.

“Ryan, let me explain.”

“What’s there to explain?” I ask as I push open the front doors of the school. The fresh air feels good. I breathe in, hoping to calm down before I continue this conversation with her. My heart aches knowing this is the last time I’ll talk to her, because even I know cheating isn’t okay.

“Those photos… they aren’t what they seem.”

I laugh. “I may be naïve, Hadley, but I’m not that stupid.”

“I never said you’re stupid. I’m asking you to listen to me so I can explain what happened after you hung up on me yesterday.”

“So this is my fault?” I cross the parking lot and wait for traffic to clear before walking across the street. I don’t know where I’m going. I need to get away from this school and from Dylan and her stupid looks.

“I didn’t do anything wrong!” She says this with such vigor it makes me stop.

“Why me, Hadley, huh?” I’m asking the question that has been plaguing my mind for months now. “Why did you pick me?”

“Why you? You know this, Ryan. When I first saw you, I felt something and that was without even knowing you. After we met, I knew you were the one for me. I’m in love with you. Why can’t you see that?”

“Because I’m seeing you in the arms of your ex-boyfriend, the one I just found out about.”

I take a shortcut through the park, keeping off the roads. The last thing I need is for my dad to drive by and see me walking down the street, talking on a cell phone that I technically don’t own and I’m not allowed to have.

“I’m sorry about not telling you earlier about Cole; he’s not a subject that I like talking about and definitely didn’t want to bring him up. Had I known Ian was bringing him on this tour, I would’ve told you everything. I don’t want to keep secrets from you.”

“It’s all excuses, Hadley.”

“For what? I’ve done nothing wrong. Those pictures you saw, I have a feeling I was completely setup by Ian. I walked from his house back to my hotel and right before I got there, Cole showed up and told me that Ian was getting reports of me staggering in and out of bars. The next thing I know he’s picking me up. The flashes started immediately and I hid my face out of reaction, not out of embarrassment. I wish I would’ve punched him or something, but I was too shocked and didn’t realize what was going on until I was already in his car and the questions were being fired at me.”

“And now you’re going on a tour with him. Is this supposed to make me feel good?”

I sit down on the park bench. There are a few kids playing on the jungle gym. This is exactly what Hadley was looking at yesterday when she was stabbing me in the heart. How can something so innocent remind me of pain?

“What do you want me to do?”

“Not go on tour.” The words are out of my mouth before I know I’ve even said them. I close my eyes and wish for the darkness to swallow me up.

“It’s my job.”

“I know it is. I’m angry and upset. I don’t understand any of this. I miss you and the more I think about us and those pictures the more I get pissed off. Things seemed so much simpler when I didn’t know you.”

“Ryan?” her voice cracks. I know my words hurt her, but it’s true. Before her I was just going through life as a blip. Then I met her and things changed. She made me feel alive and wanted. Now I just feel like shit.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t have all these feelings before. This wouldn’t be happening if you weren’t famous and I don’t know how to handle all of this. I want to be with you, Hadley, but I’m not sure if you want the same things.”

“I do, so much.”

“It doesn’t feel like it. He had his hands on you and you allowed it. You let him hold you and touch you and I want to fucking scream. I don’t want to share you.”

“I know,” she says softly.

“If you know then why did you let it happen?”

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